I wish I knew what was coming next

[This Hurts]

These god damn stages. Mine always last 1-2 weeks at the most... it irks me. I wish I had a calendar that would tell me what was coming next, with a little description. They change so much is exhausts me. The last thread I posted was just 5 days ago, and I already feel different.

 

I woke up this morning to another dream of her, though they're always faint and I forget them within an hour or two of waking up, the feeling it leaves me with lingers lightly for at least the first half of the day. Why am I still even dreaming about her?

 

She's been on my mind more lately than she was a few weeks ago. It's like an annoying fly that's just buzzing around your head and you swap at it, trying to get it to go away, and eventually it does and you forget about it, until it comes back and the process repeats. I hate it.

 

Still, part of me feels like I don't care, but only part of me. And the "I don't care" doesn't really feel like indifference, it feels like just being fed up, or even numb sometimes. However, I still hurt at least a little bit every day, and I'm just becoming increasingly tired of the up-and-down process.

 

*Rant

I also wish I could know WHERE I'm at with this recovery thing. It's so annoying wondering all the time when this is going to end, and when I'm finally going to be over her. "Maybe when I get a new job around September and am more occupied?", "Will I be completely over this by Christmas? 'Cause I really want to enjoy winter; it's my favorite season!"

Maybe never. Maybe I'm one of the people who never fully detach, and that's what I'm scared of. What if I'm just destined to have feelings for her for the rest of my life? Sure, life will move on and I will be able to get on with my days and do things I enjoy, but maybe the thought of her will forever affect/bother/haunt me. Or maybe my own bad habit of over-analyzing will forever keep me here, but I honest to god can't help that. I've been doing it since I was a kid. Or maybe that has nothing to do with it, and time will eventually grant me what I most desire: complete freedom from my ex; to be free from the shackles of unconditional love!

*Rant over

 

Any thoughts will be appreciated

[ConcernedGirl]

It never goes away, the feelings you have for her. But as time passes by it'll become just a dull ache when she passes through your thoughts.

And the only way to recover is to just LET IT recover by itself you know? Not wait for it like you'd wait for an email or phone call. You just have to let it be, thats the only way to keep sane.

[bonpaw2008]

This is the best list of the steps that I have seen with examples. It has been three weeks (21 days) and I am still stuck between anger and denial, although I am firmly in ANGER AT THE MOMENT hope this helps

 

It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages:

 

* Denial

"I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t"

 

* Anger

"That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*"

-- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone.

 

* Bargaining

"OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!"

 

* Depression

Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me"

 

* Acceptance

"You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...."

 

You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time.

[This Hurts]

It never goes away, the feelings you have for her. But as time passes by it'll become just a dull ache when she passes through your thoughts.

And the only way to recover is to just LET IT recover by itself you know? Not wait for it like you'd wait for an email or phone call. You just have to let it be, thats the only way to keep sane.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I've heard of many occasions where people lose all fond, loving, and even negative feelings for their exes. I know it's possible, I'm just afraid I won't be one of those people.

 

I do know what you mean, though, about just letting the recovery happen, instead of waiting for it to come. I actually can't believe I haven't thought of that. It was probably just my over-thinking, but I'll be more cautious now and make sure I'm not dwelling on when this is going to end, and think more about what I'm supposed to be doing in the meanwhile.

 

This is the best list of the steps that I have seen with examples. It has been three weeks (21 days) and I am still stuck between anger and denial, although I am firmly in ANGER AT THE MOMENT hope this helps

 

It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages:

 

* Denial

"I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t"

 

* Anger

"That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*"

-- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone.

 

* Bargaining

"OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!"

 

* Depression

Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me"

 

* Acceptance

"You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...."

 

You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time.

 

Ahh, I'm familiar with those stages, and they are true. It would be a lot easier to follow if they were in order, though I mean, I know they ARE in order, they're just like broad categories, and the subcategories are the same ones, if that makes sense...

 

For example, you can be in "Denial", but you still feel the rest of them (anger, bargaining, depression, etc.), but you're still primarily in denial, get what I mean?

 

I feel them all—I'm sure everyone does—but I guess I'm transitioning from bargaining to depression, currently letting go of the bargaining. I've been getting the yep-it's-really-over-go-break-NC-and-do-something-about-it feeling a lot lately, but I've just been telling myself that it's not going to work and to just let it go. I think that's me transitioning.

 

However, I heard the depression stage is the longest, so I'm not looking forward to that. At least I'm close, though

 

I apologize this reply to you is mostly me over-analyzing AGAIN (what's been up with me lately?!), but hopefully you know where I'm coming from.

[aeren944]

Dude, I'm right there with you, TH. I've had some really good days in teh past week, doing really good, but I've felt that little tinge of depression in the back of my mind. Last night, it hit me hard, and I'm suddenly missing my ex and starting to almost unravel. Nothing triggered it, I just felt it slipping in, and it's starting to fight me harder.

 

I ****ing KNOW, mentally, that she's poison for me. But that's not helping at the moment. It just makes me feel even stupider for wanting her back with me. I ****ing miss her... I miss my kids... I miss who I was with her. I like who I am now... but I went out to friends' houses yesterday, and it just made me feel even more lonely. It completely did the opposite of what it was supposed to do.

 

I'm ****ing sick of this rollercoaster, too. I had a great week, and I can't even embrace that right now. I'm just stuck.

[shiftedblue]

I feel the same as well. It's been such a ridiculous roller coaster, and it makes me feel super crazy and unstable. But it's nice to have this forum so I know I'm not crazy. Lots of people are in the same boat..

[bonpaw2008]

 

Ahh, I'm familiar with those stages, and they are true. It would be a lot easier to follow if they were in order, though I mean, I know they ARE in order, they're just like broad categories, and the subcategories are the same ones, if that makes sense...

 

For example, you can be in "Denial", but you still feel the rest of them (anger, bargaining, depression, etc.), but you're still primarily in denial, get what I mean?

 

I feel them all—I'm sure everyone does—but I guess I'm transitioning from bargaining to depression, currently letting go of the bargaining. I've been getting the yep-it's-really-over-go-break-NC-and-do-something-about-it feeling a lot lately, but I've just been telling myself that it's not going to work and to just let it go. I think that's me transitioning.

 

However, I heard the depression stage is the longest, so I'm not looking forward to that. At least I'm close, though

 

I apologize this reply to you is mostly me over-analyzing AGAIN (what's been up with me lately?!), but hopefully you know where I'm coming from.

 

No I totally understand where you are coming from. I am out of bargaining because I don't want someone that thinks he is better off without me (his words). That statement cured my denial stage too So really all that is left for me is anger and depression before the awesome ACCEPTANCE (and indifference). I am still really pissed off that I wasted so much time, didn't get out of this before I fell so hard, and that I let him knock me down this hole just because he didn't think I was worth it. I am worth it, and these are his issues and his loss.

 

With the depression stage, you just have to be careful. These are steps of grief, we are mourning a loss. But if take all the positive steps to get past all of the others, you can positively get out of this without being depressed. You are sad that it is over, but you have gained understanding of why it happened, how you are better for it, and how your life is going to do nothing but improve in the future.

 

Best of luck, you don't have to go down that depression hole if you don't want to

[smk]

Today is definitely anger for me, went through a little bit of the depression, but now it's just anger, anger that she ****ing lied to me, anger that she strung me along, anger at myself for letting her treat me like a second class citizen, anger at her for treating me that, and anger because despite all of that I still ****ing miss her, I still want my last ****ing embrace, I still want my ****ing answers, I deserve my questions answered, and anger because no matter how hard I try I can't seem to let go of the feelings I have for her and just when I think I am getting better something ****s it up...

 

Sorry for the rant on your thread...

[aeren944]

Today is definitely anger for me, went through a little bit of the depression, but now it's just anger, anger that she ****ing lied to me, anger that she strung me along, anger at myself for letting her treat me like a second class citizen, anger at her for treating me that, and anger because despite all of that I still ****ing miss her, I still want my last ****ing embrace, I still want my ****ing answers, I deserve my questions answered, and anger because no matter how hard I try I can't seem to let go of the feelings I have for her and just when I think I am getting better something ****s it up...

 

Sorry for the rant on your thread...

 

Me too, kinda... it's a lot of anger, and a lot of depression. I'm just feel really needy today or something. I wanna break the LC, I wanna check her Facebook, I wanna talk to her... and it pisses me off. My soul's like torn between totally hating her and totally wanting her back, for no ****ING good reason! It's ****ing hurting right now, like the first month...