lofi_tokyo Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) I'm trying to sort out my feelings towards my boyfriend - basically as the title suggests I've been feeling very "on" and "off". We've been dating for four months, and for the most part I really enjoy his company. I find him funny, charming, enjoyable to talk to, handsome... and just great. I have a few hang ups though: - I usually have to initiate dates. We spend a lot of time together, maybe 3-5 days a week? But it is always me texting him to hang out. He contacts me regularly otherwise, and usually it is him initiating contact, but I just find I'm always the one suggesting we get together. Its a bit confusing for me because he seems really enthusiastic about spending time together, but yeah - why doesn't he suggest things? - He always initiates sex. Sometimes I feel like he's waiting on me to do it, but its strange - whenever I send him dirty texts for example, he kind of gives half interested responses. - I struggle talking to him about sex in general. When I have told him what I really enjoy, he goes to town with it, but overall I feel a bit stifled. I love trying new things/keeping things interesting, and he seems completely content with what we're doing right now. ** In general I'd say a summary all my points could be: I feel like I'm putting out a ton of offers and while he jumps on some things, I also get politely turned down on occasion (for instance, he is busy or is avoiding something I suggest), and that's fine, but it would be nice if he would put some offers on the table too. I'm slightly terrified of relationships because of a few heart-breaks I've gone though in the past, and he's been wonderful dealing with some of my insecurities about dating, so I feel bad complaining about any other qualms I have in the relationship. I don't want to sound like a whiner. That being said, the things I've listed above are completely killing this for me. Like I said, so many aspects of dating him are enjoyable to me, but I can't stay in this relationship when what I've mentioned is bothering me. Any suggestions on what to do? Edited August 10, 2010 by tokyovogue
DM85 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I'm no expert on relationships, but it seems to me that you have a few options. You can either stay quiet about the problems you have and end the relationship. Or you can talk to him about it and things will either get better or you end the relationship anyways. So in my opinion, you should just talk to him about it. You don't have anything to lose by trying.
Hot Carl Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Are you able to differentiate to what extent the issues are caused by his actions versus your insecurities? I suggest you figure that out. Are your insecurities making it impossible for you to express your feelings about things to him? It's hardly fair for you to let all this kill your feelings for him while at the same time keeping him in the dark about it all. In that respect, he's not the least bit responsible for what is going on in spite of the fact that you're pointing the finger at him. You're the one building the resentments and ruining the relationship.
Woggle Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Break up with him before you break his heart. This will not end well. If you are already becoming resentful over small stuff like this then it will only get worse.
northstar1 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 tokyo I've been in your spot before where you have great times together, great chemistry, but it feels like you are the one who is more concerned about the next date or fitting into their schedule. It does leave you feeling insecure, even if everything else about dating them is great. I would suggest talking to him in a relaxed way about your concerns. Don't make it too pressured, just that you enjoy dating him, are having fun, but that at times it feels like you are the one who is initiating dates etc. With my situation, I did make mention of it because it was bothering me and things definitely improved. He may not even be aware of things. Talk to him and see how he responds.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 I would suggest talking to him in a relaxed way about your concerns. Don't make it too pressured, just that you enjoy dating him, are having fun, but that at times it feels like you are the one who is initiating dates etc. Thanks for the advice all. I think you're suggestion is a good one, North. I do want to talk to him, but I don't want it to sound weighted, so I'll try to keep the pressure off. Whew! I'll be seeing him later today so hopefully this all goes well! ;p
Recommended Posts