someday29 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hey guys, new to this place, found it by searching for some answers to my question. 29 years old, been around the dating scene enough to know a bit. I guess I'm the same as everyone, just looking for the right person! Anyway, I was introduced to this girl by mutual friends. One day my friend said, "So I have this friend." My first thought was, "Oh great, the inevitable friend line." Anyway, we met and got along great, and have been official for 3 months now. Everything has been going great, no complaints, no fighting, totally open with each other, we just really clicked and it's been refreshing. Over the last few weeks I realized I've fallen hard for her. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone. It's absolutely crazy. I think about her a lot, too much maybe, and I've always got her best interests in mind and she knows it. Since I've recently realized how much I care for her I've noticed when we're together I'm worried if she feels as strongly for me. The other night I told her how hard I've fallen, and that it was kinda scary being so honest with her, and she thanked me and said she really cares about me too. I also got the inevitable "It's just gonna take time for me to open up" and "I've got a wall from previous relationships" lines. Blah. Recently I've started noticing it seems like I've always had to initiate a lot of things. Ya know, the kiss, the random hug, the cuddling on the couch, all those little actions that say, "I really like you." I guess in the beginning it didn't matter as much because I was just happy to be with her, but now that I am starting to become seriously attached I'm a little more concerned. I do a lot for her and I know she appreciates it. Who wouldn't? I always make sure she's taken care of. It's very obvious. But she doesn't really DO that much to show me how much she cares. Maybe I'm over analyzing things, but I can't deny the fact that I feel like she doesn't show me enough. Actions do speak louder than words after all. I've heard people say if you want someone to come to you just back off, and let them come, the more you chase them the less they will. I suppose there's some truth to that, but somehow that seems like a game of tug-of-war, kinda ridiculous. I keep telling myself not to worry about it, just let the chips fall where they will, but I tell ya it's hard when you fall for someone and want nothing more than for them to be equally crazy for you. But then I remind myself pushing the issue never, ever does any good. Which is why I'm typing on this keyboard instead of texting her. Is this one of those "she's just not that into you" situations? Or maybe "showing" her significant other how much she cares just isn't her style? Maybe I do so much for her that she just knows I'll be there and doesn't feel like she has to put in any effort? Yikes. That sounds bad. Then I would have to actively back-off and wait/hope she turns up the heat? Eff that.
sbarrow47 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Well you're doing better than most guys already, having the common sense to NOT push it, cause that will destroy it. However I would ignore the excuses, emotions and logic are two separate things. Just give it time. See what works and what doesn't. Understanding what's inside someone else's head is the hardest part of a relationship, so just give yourself some time to study her. It does also depend on personality. Some people just aren't too emotional. In which case she may never show it as much as you want her to. Or she could just be slow to open up. Whatever you do just stay calm and don't bug her about it. You can never make a person do something, only make them want to do it themselves.
Recommended Posts