Raderick Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 This baffles me to some extent. Some reasons could be useful.
kalikula Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 They dont want creepy guys IMing them... (I have had really old guys IM me and a popular person on the forum ask for a picture of the inside of my mouth.... WTF?)
Author Raderick Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 They dont want creepy guys IMing them... (I have had really old guys IM me and a popular person on the forum ask for a picture of the inside of my mouth.... WTF?) There's a button called "ignore" that solves the problem...
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 They dont want creepy guys IMing them... (I have had really old guys IM me and a popular person on the forum ask for a picture of the inside of my mouth.... WTF?) Thats just all kinds of wrong! I hope you reported him to the administrator its hard enough to find some one with out being verbally molested by creepy uncle fester. Op I don't know maybe there not a paying member or maybe the site only allows paying members to receive ims? thats if its a paying site?
zengirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 This baffles me to some extent. Some reasons could be useful. I'm not even IN the town my dating profile is for, but if I turn it on accidentally or to talk to someone, even at a random terrible time where you'd think no one there would be on (because I'm halfway around the world), I get mobbed. Absolutely mobbed. Mostly by weirdos and not the fellows I'm actually talking to. I use SKYPE messenger (because later you can video/call chat if you actually like each other) or something else to talk to fellows who've messaged me that I actually want to chat with. Though I've only bothered to IM with one so far, being so far away. I find it odd when someone IMs me before messaging me, mostly because it (a) Doesn't give me time to read your profile and see if I like you, (b) Doesn't give us much to talk about. Even just exchanging 1 message each and looking at each others' pictures/profiles at least provides some starter topics for a conversation. It's the same reason I hate those people who write in their profiles, "Oh, just ask." It's not an interview (on either side)! Interviews are decidedly unsexy.
meerkat stew Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Reasons given in the thread already are pretty much the case. There was a guy who used to post here who would pick up women on dating sites purely with IM, and go have sex with them immediately. Having to deal with guys who are trying to set that kind of thing up is probably the main reason most women turn it off.
Angel1111 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 As far as I'm concerned, IMing is about the most invasive thing anyone ever came up with - particularly on dating sites. I have no interest in allowing a total stranger this kind of access to talk to me and to know when I'm on the computer.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 As far as I'm concerned, IMing is about the most invasive thing anyone ever came up with - particularly on dating sites. I have no interest in allowing a total stranger this kind of access to talk to me and to know when I'm on the computer. True good point I remember when I was using it seamed only the creepy guys would IM me with out contacting me 1st. Either that or the ones who are in my immediate area and usually the next question was "what are you doing tonight" code for "lets hook up for some easy sex" um no thanks not interested. I had one guy who was local try every time he saw me log on thats when IM went on permanent ignore sad but some can ruin it for everyone else I guess..
Feanor23x Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Luckily, my current GF had her IMs turned on at OKcuipd, otherwise we wouldn't have started talking when we did. I knew she had seen my profile already (multiple times even) before the IM....
purgatori Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Fear of a spammed planet. I actually haven't de-activated the IM feature in my OKCupid preferences, yet. I really should though, because (almost) every time someone has IM'd it has lead to an awkward place in a pretty short amount of time.
Eeyore79 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 My IM was always turned off because random creepy people who I had never communicated with before and didn't want to talk to would IM me out of the blue. It would happen literally every five minutes, and it disrupted my browsing experience because of all these chat boxes constantly popping up. Eventually I blocked everyone and simply whitelisted the half a dozen people I was interested in, so only they could IM me.
Southern Belle Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Reasons given in the thread already are pretty much the case. There was a guy who used to post here who would pick up women on dating sites purely with IM, and go have sex with them immediately. Having to deal with guys who are trying to set that kind of thing up is probably the main reason most women turn it off. This. Exactly. Imagine some creepy guy IMing you to set up a "meet" in a dark, deserted parking lot. No thanks. These same guys are always very pushy and become completely psycho (gross name-calling) if you do not type back within 1-2 seconds. I honestly can't believe that there are women who go along with this.
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 As far as I'm concerned, IMing is about the most invasive thing anyone ever came up with - particularly on dating sites. I have no interest in allowing a total stranger this kind of access to talk to me and to know when I'm on the computer. ^^^^ this ^^^
Eeyore79 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 These same guys are always very pushy and become completely psycho (gross name-calling) if you do not type back within 1-2 seconds. Yep, this exactly. They start by tying something like "Hey baby", "You there darlin?", or something equally inappropriate and intimate. Then they type several more messages despite you not replying, and conclude by typing "bitch", "lesbian", "whore" or something because you're not replying to them. I don't need that crap - if you're interested in me, read my profile and send me a well thought out message, give me time to decide whether or not I want to talk to you, and don't be offensive if I decide against it.
Gallaxia Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 As far as I'm concerned, IMing is about the most invasive thing anyone ever came up with - particularly on dating sites. I have no interest in allowing a total stranger this kind of access to talk to me and to know when I'm on the computer. Allowing? That's really interesting you say that. But how's it any different than a person approaching you, out and about in the real world? Like at a store, or the park, bar, etc. I suspect it's possible you may also be giving the "don't approach me" vibes there as well? OP, I wouldn't have an IM function turned on for the fact that (and from past experience) there are some that like to send obscene pics of themselves. Because for some, there's nothing like a raging hard-on to get the conversation going, right?
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Allowing? That's really interesting you say that. But how's it any different than a person approaching you, out and about in the real world? Like at a store, or the park, bar, etc. I suspect it's possible you may also be giving the "don't approach me" vibes there as well? I know you quoted Angel's post but I agreed with hers as well so will give you my take on it. it's different in real life because when a man approaches me I can decide whether I'm interested in him or not potentially. I don't just mean his looks but also his body language, his likely social skills, his demeanour, everything that we take in when we quickly assess someone. online you don't have that preparation. I find it intrusive that everyone (including people whom I would avoid in real life) can spring some surprise on me, often pretty nasty if it's a creep.
zengirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Allowing? That's really interesting you say that. But how's it any different than a person approaching you, out and about in the real world? Like at a store, or the park, bar, etc. I suspect it's possible you may also be giving the "don't approach me" vibes there as well? OP, I wouldn't have an IM function turned on for the fact that (and from past experience) there are some that like to send obscene pics of themselves. Because for some, there's nothing like a raging hard-on to get the conversation going, right? Not her either, but I think "allowing" in this case can be about allowing someone to see you on your computer/IM, etc. That's kind of like having a giant sign on my house, saying "I'm home" or "I'm at the store" or whatever. I agree that IM is weird. I remember back in the early days of AIM during college when we would stalk via away message. I remember my roommate making a mad dash when a fellow she liked was going to a certain store, and she knew via his AIM message. I've always thought visible IM was weird ever since. Nobody needs to know what I'm doing all the time. The fellow who comes up to you in the store is seeing you in a public place, and he's not "looking you up" -- he happened upon you (I hope!). Sure, someone can happen upon you in IM online, but it's also way easy for people to stalk you. It's not as scary as real life stalking, but it can still be a bit creepy.
Gallaxia Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 No that's true.....Zengirl, I agree with that. And IM doesn't sit well with me. I think I just (mis)took the "allowing" thing differently.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Allowing? That's really interesting you say that. But how's it any different than a person approaching you, out and about in the real world? Like at a store, or the park, bar, etc. I suspect it's possible you may also be giving the "don't approach me" vibes there as well? OP, I wouldn't have an IM function turned on for the fact that (and from past experience) there are some that like to send obscene pics of themselves. Because for some, there's nothing like a raging hard-on to get the conversation going, right? I think in a way with out realizing it you just answered your own question the internet gives us anonymity to some degree. So we feel free to do maybe less then tactful things we wouldn't be caut dead doing in real life. I bet the same guy who sends said "raging hard on" thu IMs wouldn't walk up to a girl in real life and do the same thing.
Katie29 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 This baffles me to some extent. Some reasons could be useful. When I was trying online dating, I found IM to be incredibly annoying. I was getting 7 or 8 emails a day and trying to go through lose and than having to deal with annoying box pop up with some creep trying to say "hey baby". all set.
Confusedalways Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 god, I hate the IM feature. It always puts me on the spot, and I don't like to be on the dating website for that long of time. I feel forced into a conversation when I get IMed. Hate hate hate.
Katie29 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 When I was trying online dating, I found IM to be incredibly annoying. I was getting 7 or 8 emails a day and trying to go through lose and than having to deal with annoying box pop up with some creep trying to say "hey baby". all set. meant to type: go through *those
CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Because if I don't turn IM off then I get BOMBARDED by IM requests.
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