Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Honestly, your first post didn't cause me to comment. . . it was only after you defended it as "not sexual" that it reinforced that it was, in fact, recommending objectification. Just not necessarily sexual. That's why I chimed in. Zengirl, you always chime in. I have read enough of your post around here. You go around this forum getting into arguments and attacking the men and their point of views often. You claim to be Zen yet you are rubbing so many people the wrong way. You try to sound intelligent and wise but instead come off as someone who is simply argumentive. A good example is how you often break someone's post down into little sentences and phrases and feel the need to address every period and comma. You probably mean no harm and just want to gain respect but this is not the way. You are trying to apply book knowledge to dating concepts to come up with these ideals that are way too simplistic for human relationships. I think instead of going around and forcing yourself down so many throats, you should just sit back, read and reflect and resist the temptation to attack with offensive comments and "chime in" so much.
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) Zengirl, you always chime in. I have read enough of your post around here. You go around this forum getting into arguments and attacking the men and their point of views often. You claim to be Zen yet you are rubbing so many people the wrong way. You try to sound intelligent and wise but instead come off as someone who is simply argumentive. A good example is how you often break someone's post down into little sentences and phrases and feel the need to address every period and comma. You probably mean no harm and just want to gain respect but this is not the way. You are trying to apply book knowledge to dating concepts to come up with these ideals that are way too simplistic for human relationships. I think instead of going around and forcing yourself down so many throats, you should just sit back, read and reflect and resist the temptation to attack with offensive comments and "chime in" so much. I don't care much about gaining respect here. I do come here to argue. It's where I get that part of myself out. I rarely argue with people in actual life (arguing doesn't get one anywhere, after all). And mostly to deconstruct. I like to deconstruct any form of writing or argument, so I use this place to do that now that I'm in a bit of an in-between place. I'm here to chime in. I'm not just hear to passively read. I sit back and reflect loads in my life, but this is more for my own entertainment. That doesn't mean I assert things I think are wrong or unhealthy simply to entertain myself, but I honestly don't care what comes of it. I also don't see why you think I simply attack men. I've disagreed with males and females here. I don't know why it's about me or why it matters what anonymous individuals on a message board think of me, one way or the other. I assert my worldview. I expect others assert theirs. It doesn't bother me, but I've no desire to "hold back" and no reason to. I'm not here to build relationships. I'm here to deconstruct, muse, and kill some time. I'm fully honest about that. I'm still saying what I believe. Edited August 6, 2010 by zengirl
AverageJoe Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 A man should pay for everything at the begining. I could not disagree with this more. Absooooluuuutely not.
O'Malley Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Offer to do something cheap or free, if she suggests food or something that costs money tell her you only have enough to pay for your share. I see nothing wrong with this, as apparently you're not even dating (why is that?). If it's just two people hanging out, then they should go dutch. But, there are some guys with no money who date anyway. They normally walk in parks, have dates at their places, go to free museums and cheap coffee shops. I guess dating in parks is better than nothing. Always a good idea -- and many areas have relatively inexpensive festivals you can attend. Hiking in wilderness areas is a way to get exercise and see something other than your TV. Some historical sites are also free or have a low admission cost. Figure out what you can afford before making plans, even if it means some fruit and a picnic in a scenic area.
Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I don't care much about gaining respect here. I do come here to argue. It's where I get that part of myself out. . People like you are referred to as trolls, Zengirl. I think this is what you do all around here. Most people here are actually here to help people and learn for themselves and not participate in your little battlefield. Your posts are mostly disruptive, excessively long to read much, and you feel that you have to get the last word in all of the time. It is no wonder why you feel the need you must come her for an "outlet." People in the real world would just walk away just like I will do now. Feel free to continue to release your anger and negativity.
MsSydneyLane Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 It clearly shows here that even on the earliest stage of dating, this person somehow tells you their true colors. However, in the dating world, you really need to have cash to enjoy dating.
bac Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I could not disagree with this more. Absooooluuuutely not. I was talking about dating which includes having sex with a girl. If you are a young guy who is dating without having sex, I agree that you should not pay for her.
AverageJoe Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I was talking about dating which includes having sex with a girl. If you are a young guy who is dating without having sex, I agree that you should not pay for her. You said in the begining. Explain to me why either of those are entitled to my cash?
New_Life08 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow.. that's nice of you... My bf has never paid for me for anything. We even split tips and he's even had me pay for things like condoms.. maybe i need to find a new boyfriend. :/ Uh, yeah get a new bf...this is BS!
New_Life08 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Since you don't have a job right now she really should offer to pay for things...especially if it is her idea to go places and do certain things. What you can do is mention that you can't afford to go out all the time, so you'll have to stay in and rent movies or whatever. If she wants to do something bad enough she will offer to pay.
bac Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 You said in the begining. Explain to me why either of those are entitled to my cash? Because, first, you are expected to pay for things which a girl wants for herself even you are not excited about the things, but, hopefully, then, you might expect that she would agree to do what you want even she is not so excited about it. Unfortunately, IRL, girls do not want to have sex so much that even after a great free dinner she would reject a guy to avoid the unpleasant experience of intercouse.
lso802 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Get another girl. I've never had a girl not offer to help pay.
AverageJoe Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Because, first, you are expected to pay for things which a girl wants for herself even you are not excited about the things, but, hopefully, then, you might expect that she would agree to do what you want even she is not so excited about it. Expected by whom? With what you just said, we now know what that makes her dont we? Unfortunately, IRL, girls do not want to have sex so much that even after a great free dinner she would reject a guy to avoid the unpleasant experience of intercouse. All the more reason not to pay for anything in the begining.
jamesum Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) Because, first, you are expected to pay for things which a girl wants for herself even you are not excited about the things, but, hopefully, then, you might expect that she would agree to do what you want even she is not so excited about it. Unfortunately, IRL, girls do not want to have sex so much that even after a great free dinner she would reject a guy to avoid the unpleasant experience of intercouse. They say prostitution will never be legal because that will take away free dates from a lot of women. :p:p Anyway, I think people who want to date someone without having money has no shame. Dont ask anyone out unless you have money. Unless of course the other person asks you out instead. And even then you have to let that person know about your financial situation. Edited August 7, 2010 by jamesum
K'aycie Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Okay, I've been hanging out with a girl. We're not bf or gf yet. When we hang out I pay for her food. She doesn't offer to pay like 50/50. Right now I'm not working. She's working. So basically I'm using the money I have left to pay for her. any suggestion ? Thanks Just go dutch next time.
zengirl Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 People like you are referred to as trolls, Zengirl. I think this is what you do all around here. Most people here are actually here to help people and learn for themselves and not participate in your little battlefield. Your posts are mostly disruptive, excessively long to read much, and you feel that you have to get the last word in all of the time. It is no wonder why you feel the need you must come her for an "outlet." People in the real world would just walk away just like I will do now. Feel free to continue to release your anger and negativity. I'm not angry or negative, really. I don't find civil disagreement, which is what I come here for, to be either of those things. I'm not sure why you're making this personal, as I never said anything personal about you. Eh, trolls come to create arguments and argue for the sake of it. I just like to debate and argue, when I see points with which I disagree (just as I'll commend a post I agree with), which, yes, people tend to dislike in life. In life, I follow the Thumper rule. Online, I do not. I will say things even when I've nothing nice to say. Life is different than a message board. I suppose I will go for the last word, but not for the sake of it. For the sake of clarity because people usually try to paint my words as something other than what they are. As you've done here.
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 When we hang out I pay for her food. Oh I get it. She must be handicapped or something, she has no arms, poor girl, doesn't have the ability to reach into her pocketbook and pay. I applaud you for helping the handicapped. Bravo.
dispatch3d Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 I'd end this pretty fast but I think a girl who was attempting to constantly get free dates from a guy would know better than to date me. They'd ask me for something small, get a lol are you serious, and realize they shouldn't bother.
D-Lish Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Dude, you don't have a job, you shouldn't be spending your money buying this girl food everytime you have a date! Does she offer, make a gesture toward her wallet or anything? I'd let a guy pay for a first date if he insisted (unless I wasn't interested in seeing him again)... But I'd always offer to pay my share, or pick up the tab even if a guy has been generous with me on a first date. Do you get the impression she has a sense of entitlement with regard to being treated?
SLS002 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Wow,you are really nice,but little bite too much...You spoiled her not to pay for her own food,you should break this or stopping hanging out with a girl like her anymore.
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