qinboxmail Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Okay, I've been hanging out with a girl. We're not bf or gf yet. When we hang out I pay for her food. She doesn't offer to pay like 50/50. Right now I'm not working. She's working. So basically I'm using the money I have left to pay for her. any suggestion ? Thanks
nineyearsgone79 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow.. that's nice of you... My bf has never paid for me for anything. We even split tips and he's even had me pay for things like condoms.. maybe i need to find a new boyfriend. :/
Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Okay, I've been hanging out with a girl. We're not bf or gf yet. When we hang out I pay for her food. She doesn't offer to pay like 50/50. Right now I'm not working. She's working. So basically I'm using the money I have left to pay for her. any suggestion ? Thanks I've dated this woman before. Get what you want out of this dating experience then leave. It takes a selfish person to do this. To even to pay a tip or something would be a redeeming gesture but to never offer anything and knows you not working is really crappy. I personally would not waste my time because you are going to be driven to the last dime in your pocket and still wind up not with her or satisfied. To be complete, you have to have a J.O.B to date out here unless you are a kid then I can understand. Dating cost cash!
Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow.. that's nice of you... My bf has never paid for me for anything. We even split tips and he's even had me pay for things like condoms.. maybe i need to find a new boyfriend. :/ Yes you do!
that girl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 This doesn't sound great, but how many dates have you been on? Are you offering to pay or does she clearly expect it? Get what you want out of this dating experience then leave. Such a classy suggestion!
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Okay, I've been hanging out with a girl. We're not bf or gf yet. When we hang out I pay for her food. She doesn't offer to pay like 50/50. Right now I'm not working. She's working. So basically I'm using the money I have left to pay for her. any suggestion ? Thanks If she knows you're not working and never offers to pay, that strikes me as someone who is clearly selfish and doesn't dig you that much. Just my 2 cents.
Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) This doesn't sound great, but how many dates have you been on? Are you offering to pay or does she clearly expect it? Such a classy suggestion! Such a mind to jump to conclusions and let their imagination run wild! Not everyone is looking for sex in a relationship. They both can take. Edited August 6, 2010 by Mike B.
that girl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Such a classy suggestion! Such a mind to jump to conclusions and let their imagination run wild! Then what exactly do you want that you would leave after getting? If someone seems selfish, just stop dating them, don't try to get revenge.
Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Then what exactly do you want that you would leave after getting? If someone seems selfish, just stop dating them, don't try to get revenge. Some people need ego boosts. Some people want to feel close to someone for a while. Some people just want someone there to listen. Some people just like someone there period. Some people want to walk around with a trophy. Some people like having activity partners. It goes on and on.
Angel1111 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Either stop hanging out with her, or the next time one of you suggests going out somewhere, say, "Yeah, that sounds great but I'm afraid that I won't be able to buy your meal this time." I think it's nice of you to pay when you can, but she shouldn't expect it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 If she knows you're not working and never offers to pay, that strikes me as someone who is clearly selfish and doesn't dig you that much. Just my 2 cents. Wait... how many times have you said women don’t date guys they are not attracted to? Please explain how this is different.
Angel1111 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow.. that's nice of you... My bf has never paid for me for anything. We even split tips and he's even had me pay for things like condoms.. maybe i need to find a new boyfriend. :/ Gee, ya think? Why you put up with such nonsense after the first time he did that is beyond me.
Angel1111 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) I've dated this woman before. Get what you want out of this dating experience then leave. It takes a selfish person to do this. To even to pay a tip or something would be a redeeming gesture but to never offer anything and knows you not working is really crappy. I personally would not waste my time because you are going to be driven to the last dime in your pocket and still wind up not with her or satisfied. To be complete, you have to have a J.O.B to date out here unless you are a kid then I can understand. Dating cost cash! I thought he said they weren't dating. I think I'm confused - I thought she was just a buddy but now that I re-read it, I think you're right. Hmmm - that changes my advice a little but, still, since she knows he's unemployed, they need to talk about this. Edited August 6, 2010 by Angel1111
jamesum Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow.. that's nice of you... My bf has never paid for me for anything. We even split tips and he's even had me pay for things like condoms.. maybe i need to find a new boyfriend. :/ Condom is expensive. If you dont wanna buy condoms then dont have sex.
Sanman Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I'm with Mike B on this one, get what you need and get out if she is that way. The OP hasn't said exactly how long they have been dating or what they are doing, but expect this to be short term. Either that or get creative on the cheap and find free or cheap things to do. Personally, I would tell her that cash is tight and offer a cheap/free date. This will let you know if she is there mainly for you or a meal.
kalikula Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Offer to do something cheap or free, if she suggests food or something that costs money tell her you only have enough to pay for your share. Besides I've dated unemployed guys, and a lot of times we ended up just watching movies and eating food at home, cost: free.
nineyearsgone79 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I actually did tell him we didn't have to have sex we could do other things and cuddle etc. He asked me why i'm punishing him. :/
jamesum Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I actually did tell him we didn't have to have sex we could do other things and cuddle etc. He asked me why i'm punishing him. :/ Then tell him that you dont wanna have sex and if he wants to have sex he should pay for it because he is the one who wants it.
jamesum Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Okay, I've been hanging out with a girl. We're not bf or gf yet. When we hang out I pay for her food. She doesn't offer to pay like 50/50. Right now I'm not working. She's working. So basically I'm using the money I have left to pay for her. any suggestion ? Thanks Do you get sex from her whenever you want? Male monkeys offer resources to female monkeys in exchange for sexual access. And that trade still persists until today. So if you are giving your girlfriend 'resources' without anything in return, then monkeys in the jungle are smarter than you.
Citizen Erased Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 ....and so the princess became Queen and bankrupted the kingdom.
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Such a mind to jump to conclusions and let their imagination run wild! Not everyone is looking for sex in a relationship. They both can take. Either way, you're objectifying the person. It doesn't really matter if it's about sex. Objectification isn't sexy. Even if the other person is being lame and terrible too. I thought we all learned in Kindergarten that two wrongs don't make a right. Wait... how many times have you said women don’t date guys they are not attracted to? Please explain how this is different. First of all, I've never said such a thing and even alluded in posts to girls dating a guy to keep them level-headed about a fellow they liked more. I have said healthy women (and men) don't date someone they're not attracted to. I may have also said it's not some widespread problem in life, as some posters have alluded here. Key words there are "healthy" and "widespread." I've also said that a relationship that starts with someone who is not attracted to you is never going to work out (i.e. you don't want to try to "trigger" attraction because it can't be done and is only going to wind up biting you in the bottom later). But some girls date boys for terrible reasons. I've never ignored that fact. Second of all, "doesn't dig" doesn't necessarily mean "doesn't find you attractive." In my less healthy days, I never dated a fellow I didn't find attractive; I erred on the other side when I erred (which was relatively few times, honestly, as I don't tend to mind being single; only child syndrome)----dating fellows I found attractive but knew to be blatantly incompatible. I didn't really dig them, but I liked making out with them. (Luckily, I've never slept with a guy I didn't dig, but plenty of girls do, for various reasons.)
Art_Critic Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Either stop hanging out with her, or the next time one of you suggests going out somewhere, say, "Yeah, that sounds great but I'm afraid that I won't be able to buy your meal this time." I think it's nice of you to pay when you can, but she shouldn't expect it. I agree with this post.. I'm a guy who believes that a guy should pay for the dates while dating someone BUT... You are just hanging out.. not dating officially and not BF-GF and you are not employed, I think this ranks as one of those times where you just be honest with the girl and ask her to pay her half. Something tells me that the girl is slightly enjoying the extra attention paying for her while you have no money and aren't dating is giving her. Why not take Angels advice and just stop hanging out with her or tell you you can no longer afford to float her.
Mike B. Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) Either way, you're objectifying the person. It doesn't really matter if it's about sex. Objectification isn't sexy. Even if the other person is being lame and terrible too. I thought we all learned in Kindergarten that two wrongs don't make a right. I believe that your views here are too naive. Human relationships are just too complicated for simple solutions. It's like someone telling you to don't ever lie because it's wrong when we all know that there will always be certain situation where you won't tell the truth. Sometimes two people can date and be together but not have plans to marry or be together years down the road. If someone has a certain negative about them in a relationship, the quick answer is always to just get out now and it is not always that simple. I have been in a very similar situation and although I knew I wouldn't be with the woman far into the future, she knew as well and we dated for a while for our own reasons which was worth dating for a while but not forever. People like to focus on anything they can dispute in a topic here just to sound intelligent but you really need to read someone's post carefully and sometimes resist the temptation. I guess it's just much more exciting to debate though. If you would read my original post carefully you would see that I said personally, I wouldn't even waste my time. This view comes after experience in a similar relationship and using hindsight. The OP may have not had this experience nor the hindsight to just immediately go that route. Edited August 6, 2010 by Mike B.
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I believe that your views here are too naive. Human relationships are just too complicated for simple solutions. It's like someone telling you to don't ever lie because it's wrong when we all know that there will always be certain situation where you won't tell the truth. I fully recognize not all things in life are simple. Not consciously using people in any situation is a pretty simple one. Now, plenty of good people are going to do it without being conscious of it (done it myself, frankly), just like good people are going to lie for various reasons that seem "right" to them or not even know the actual truth about themselves! The comment implied a conscious objectification and use of another person, sexual or otherwise. It's conscious objectification I find repulsive. Sometimes two people can date and be together but not have plans to marry or be together years down the road. Absolutely. Done it myself. And I don't think that's wrong, or even unhealthy, so long as you are doing it while seeing the person as a whole person whose wants, needs, feelings, and thoughts are important to you on some scale that's relative to the relationship you have. I don't actually know if I expect my relationships to lead to marriage, even now, though I take them fairly seriously. If someone has a certain negative about them in a relationship, the quick answer is always to just get out now and it is not always that simple. True enough. I think if someone is unkind or unhealthy, the best advice is to step back. Get out? Maybe. All depends on what happens next, after stepping back. I have been in a very similar situation and although I knew I wouldn't be with the woman far into the future, she knew as well and we dated for a while for our own reasons which was worth dating for a while but not forever. Were you honest and communicative about it? I can say I've had a similar situation as well, and I tried my best to communicate the truth I knew at each point. I never saw it as a "Just get what I want out of the person" though. . . because that implies not thinking of them as a person. People like to focus on anything they can dispute in a topic here just to sound intelligent but you really need to read someone's post carefully and sometimes resist the temptation. I guess it's just much more exciting to debate though. If you would read my original post carefully you would see that I said personally, I wouldn't even waste my time. This view comes after experience in a similar relationship and using hindsight. The OP may have not had this experience nor the hindsight to just immediately go that route. I only commented on this because objectifying people is a sticking point with me. I find it to be amongst the most disgusting human behavior, as it leads to most of the bad things in the world (hurting someone in dating being a relatively minor version of this, comparably). It's also often recommended to people as a means to further their lives. That disturbs me. Honestly, your first post didn't cause me to comment. . . it was only after you defended it as "not sexual" that it reinforced that it was, in fact, recommending objectification. Just not necessarily sexual. That's why I chimed in.
bac Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 A man should pay for everything at the begining. A woman would feel fine to pay under reasonable circumstances if you are in friendzone or in a serious relationship. If you do not have a job, it is a problem for dating and manhood in general. But, there are some guys with no money who date anyway. They normally walk in parks, have dates at their places, go to free museums and cheap coffee shops. I guess dating in parks is better than nothing.
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