m-j Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I met my boyfriend through friends and at first I wasn’t interested in him at all. He gave me a lot of attention, which I liked, but I didn’t think a relationship would ever come of it. We started to see each other quite a bit and we had so much in common with core values, sense of humour, music, movies etc… he was so forward and charming I ended up finding myself sexually attracted to him. I went interstate for my best friend’s wedding, during which time we were continuously texting and the feelings were growing. The day I returned, I went over to his house and we ended up sleeping together. It was the most romantic, emotion-driven sex I have ever experienced – and I told him so. We started dating, and a few weeks later his boss sent him interstate for a month. My visits were paid for and always super romantic and exciting. He had friends visit on weekends I wasn’t there, one time he had three of his best female friends visit at the same time. This bothered me, but I also trusted him wholly and didn’t let it get to me. The next time I visited, he told me that one of his friends (a girl he previously cheated on his ex girlfriend with) had put the moves on him and he abruptly declined and asked her to get out of his bedroom – they were going to share a bed. His other female friend told her that shouldn’t SHE be the one to share a bed with my BF, not the first girl? I didn’t think much of this, as I trusted my BF. In hind sight, it bothers me very deeply. Eventually, during one visit, I decided I didn’t want to come back to our home town so I quit my job of 2 years and moved interstate (with his boss’ OK because the unit was his etc). My mum threatened to disown me and was very, very angry for a long time – she despised my boyfriend because she thought he had influenced me. She also was going through cancer treatment (which was a secret until now) and hormone treatment was messing up her judgement. Interstate, I had a casual job but it didn’t pay for much. I got cabin fever and felt really down because I was sitting at home all day while he was at work and I felt useless. I snapped out of that. Then a few months later, his job contract was finished and we moved back to our home town. We would have stayed there if I wasn’t planning on finishing my diploma. A couple of weeks later, Liam and I were sitting in his family’s living room and he told me he cheated on me the night before. Guess who with? The girl he cheated on his last girlfriend with. They were out, drunk etc and went back to his best girl friend’s house but no one was there. They ended up hooking up and having sex. Liam was distraught when he told me. He was truly sorry. I felt like I had no choice but to forgive him and stay with him. I loved him, how could I let him destroy such a beautiful thing we had going because he was a drunk idiot? I went overseas with my family for 10 days and I missed him like crazy. When I got back, things were very shaky. He was as understanding and supportive of me as he could have been, I appreciated it, but I was also a huge mess. My confidence and trust in him had been completely shattered. There have been numerous occasions over the past 2 years where he has tested my patience. He has been in bed with his “best female friend”, he has held hands, hugged, kissed her, been out drunk and drugged with lots of loose women, had them flirt with him and hit on him, encouraged me to have group sex with a married couple (I had fun and enjoyed it…but still) and recently, he has been to a bucks party with strippers crawling all over him which he flirted with (he said he liked the ones that were new to it because they were like real people), we have had a threesome with his best female friend. He always talks about group sex and how he thinks other girls are hot and who knows how he behaves when im not around. I am so angry. I am so angry. I am so angry. I don’t trust him. He doesn’t have a driver’s license, he barely cleans the house, he has a job that doesn’t pay bills, he is failing at uni, he sits around and does nothing. There have also been lots of wonderful times where he has been generous and loving and worshipped the ground ive walked on. But is it enough? Due to financial hardship, we have ended our lease in our riverside apartment and we are moving back into our separate parent’s houses. I am looking forward to it. He is going overseas for 3 months…who knows what will happen during/after that. I don’t know what he is thinking…he has a password lock on his phone. He is very private. I am so angry.
meerkat stew Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Sorry you are angry. This man is not respecting you, and seems to have some very deep flaws otherwise. I imagine you could do better.
angielove Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 This is crazy! I agree that he has no respect for you. Maybe his idea of what you find acceptable has been confused by your participation in such activities as group sex, and you need to explain to him what you are and are not comfortable with him doing. Honestly, I would get rid of him. It sounds like he is just creating a lot of stress, pain and anger for you! xx
that girl Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 You need to walk away. You have given this guy way too much leeway and in your attempts to be good to him, haven't been very good to yourself. I have no problem with female friends, but a woman he has previously cheated with would be a whole different story. I would not be okay with her spending the weekend and the situation you described would be a gigantic red flag. Maybe not a break up, but there would be a very serious discussion about boundaries and my expectations. I definitely would have dumped him for the "drunken mistake." I don't think anyone accidentally sleeps with anyone else, but what makes it even worse is he was putting himself in a situation to cheat by hanging out alone with this girl who he had cheated with in the past and kept offering to sleep with him. You need to get some self respect and dump him.
callingyouuu Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 There have also been lots of wonderful times where he has been generous and loving and worshipped the ground ive walked on. But is it enough? Dear God, no. Even if he's been a catholic saint every other waking moment of the day outside of the things you described, his behavior towards you in the latter half of your story is unacceptable. The moment he began to become physical with other women during your relationship was, in my opinion, pretty much the breaking point. You allowed it, so he sort of considered that as a subconscious "Get Out of Jail Free Pass" for future transgressions. That is not ok. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Recommended Posts