ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Okay, so I recently started dating (very casually, just getting to know you stuff) again in May. Since April I've thrown 3 partys and friends of mine would bring their friends and we'd all meet up and all that jazz. one of my good friends is a married woman (whose husband I'm good friends with too) and damn, does this woman have a BUNCH of girl friends. my friend is how I meet about 70% of the new women I come into contact with, become friends with and eventually date. needless to say, I wouldn't want to alienate the friendship I have with her by bedding one of her girl friends that's just asking for it - and that's the issue here. my good friend (we'll call her Sally) is 100% aware that her girl friend (we'll call her Julie) is waay into me. like hits me up trying to get together like once a week. I'll usually rain check but I'm a big flirt so I really keep things looking like I want her. anyway, at my last party Sally tells me, you know, Julie's really into you, which is fine, I just wouldn't want things to get weird in the group, you know? plus, Julie's kind of on and off with this dude I met this one time. anyway, I finally give in and Julie and I will be hanging out on Friday, at my place - just the two of us. so... I'm attracted to her, and vise versa. to be frank, I want to ravage this girl, lol. however, I'm thinking she'll blab about it and I'll have to deal with all the bs surrounding our friends finding out were sleeping together; plus any drama that may or may not come from on and off guy. so I was possibly considering NOT going all the way with her on Friday - maybe just messing around and seeing how she operates at that level. If something like that hot out, that's easily managed I think, as it could be passed off as a one time thing - we both had too much to drink, whatever... any advice? to bed, or not to bed? that is the question...
CollectiveVelvet Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I think if you intend to sleep with her let her know what you are interested in as far as relationship interest just so there will be no hurt feelings leading to the end of your group friendships.
TaraMaiden Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Are you both adults? Do you both have minds of your own? Are you both free agents? Are you both capable sexually? Then what the f**k is it any business of anyone else's if you two get it on, enjoy each other's company and have some good ol' fashioned hot sex, because you both feel like having a romp between the sheets? While I agree broadcasting it on local radio is inappropriate, I don't see why you two shouldn't counter any kind of probing questions with "Yeah, so what? What business is it of yours?"
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I have a feeling that come Friday night, you might not have any say in the matter... But seriously though, I wouldn't stress out too much about it...have fun on Friday!
a_woman Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 like hits me up trying to get together like once a week. I'll usually rain check but I'm a big flirt so I really keep things looking like I want her. [...] however, I'm thinking she'll blab about it and I'll have to deal with all the bs surrounding our friends finding out were sleeping together; plus any drama that may or may not come from on and off guy. so I was possibly considering NOT going all the way with her on Friday - maybe just messing around and seeing how she operates at that level. If something like that hot out, that's easily managed I think, as it could be passed off as a one time thing - we both had too much to drink, whatever... any advice? to bed, or not to bed? that is the question... I think you should sleep with her several times then post about her here saying what a sl*t she is because she has some on/off bloke she keeps seeing and how she has been causing trouble with your friends etc and how your life is a complete mess and that none of it is your fault
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Are you both adults? Do you both have minds of your own? Are you both free agents? Are you both capable sexually? Then what the f**k is it any business of anyone else's if you two get it on, enjoy each other's company and have some good ol' fashioned hot sex, because you both feel like having a romp between the sheets? While I agree broadcasting it on local radio is inappropriate, I don't see why you two shouldn't counter any kind of probing questions with "Yeah, so what? What business is it of yours?" this was the rationale I used when I agreed to have her over. I'm still working out how I want things to flow, but what I setup will totally depend. I'll be seducing her, that's a given; and she WANTS to be seduced, which is why she's coming over. I'm just wanted to see if I was completely thinking with the correct head, so to speak.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I have a feeling that come Friday night, you might not have any say in the matter... But seriously though, I wouldn't stress out too much about it...have fun on Friday! lol. yeah. it seems I'm setting up a situation where things'll get hot n heavy. I already feel like I'm just thinking this through so I won't feel like I acted out of pure impulse. also, I don't want to date her necessarily... and I have yet to be in a situation where sex doesn't equal emotional bonding in women. any advise on that front? I'd be cool hanging out with her a few times a month or something, but I'm not really interested beyond that - unless her bed play is stellar, perhaps...
tigressA Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Just make it crystal-clear to her that you're not interested in anything going beyond casual--before you have sex. That way she'll be going in knowing what your intentions are, and if she becomes attached and cries foul later it'll all be on her.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Just pay the $ for a whore, then it won't interfere with the group. You are only looking for the services a whore provides anyway.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Just make it crystal-clear to her that you're not interested in anything going beyond casual--before you have sex. That way she'll be going in knowing what your intentions are, and if she becomes attached and cries foul later it'll all be on her. I'll really consider this; thanks for the advice.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Just pay the $ for a whore, then it won't interfere with the group. You are only looking for the services a whore provides anyway. not so fast, now. I think this girl, Julie, is really witty and smart. there's other qualities about her that I enjoy too; which is why I totally enjoy her company. I just don't want a girl friend, you know. I just got out of a long term relationship with my ex in Feb. I suppose I see how it may look like I'm just after sex, but I'd like to hang out with her too; and other girls. for now, at least.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 not so fast, now. I think this girl, Julie, is really witty and smart. there's other qualities about her that I enjoy too; which is why I totally enjoy her company. I just don't want a girl friend, you know. I just got out of a long term relationship with my ex in Feb. I suppose I see how it may look like I'm just after sex, but I'd like to hang out with her too; and other girls. for now, at least. And that is why I never play matchmaker with friends' love lives. If sleeping around is your intention, I ask that you make it knowm to Julie and any other girls that your friend " Sally" introduces you to. Girls sometimes think on a different mental level than guys. When they set up their girlfriends, all they really think about is how " cute" both individuals will look together, they don't think about what happens in the bedroom. And if word really gets around that you prefer " casual" then Sally might get wary about setting you up. Always best to clear the air first.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 You've had several months to get over your ex. Women are not play things to just jump. You are looking for sex. So you should be buying a hooker. You are just going after this woman for sex, but that is not fair to her. You are wanting to use her for her body. Just like a hooker. Why don't you ask ask her on a date and get to know her for a month or longer before just jumping her bones? This is possible. Otherwise, just get a hooker.
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Just make it crystal-clear to her that you're not interested in anything going beyond casual--before you have sex. That way she'll be going in knowing what your intentions are, and if she becomes attached and cries foul later it'll all be on her. If you want to have sex with her, do not do this.
make me believe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I don't know why Pink Cupcake is jumping on you and telling you to get a hooker just because you want casual sex. How ridiculous! There's nothing wrong with wanting, and having, casual sex as long as you're VERY CLEAR about your intentions with the woman. So when Julie comes over, if things start getting sexual, make sure you tell her up front that you're not looking for a relationship or to date anybody exclusively. If you do that, and she agrees & still wants to sleep with you, I don't see the big deal. Of course there is always the possibility that she may not want to have sex with you after you tell her that, but that's her right. And she absolutely deserves to know your intentions up front. I also don't see what Sally has to do with anything... You are an adult and your sex life is your business not hers.
make me believe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 If you want to have sex with her, do not do this. This is really unfair to the woman in question. Sure, she may choose not to sleep with the OP after he tells her that he only wants sex and not a relationship, but THAT IS HER RIGHT. Lying or being untruthful as a way to manipulate her into sleeping with him is disgusting.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Okay, so I recently started dating (very casually, just getting to know you stuff) again in May. Since April I've thrown 3 partys and friends of mine would bring their friends and we'd all meet up and all that jazz. one of my good friends is a married woman (whose husband I'm good friends with too) and damn, does this woman have a BUNCH of girl friends. my friend is how I meet about 70% of the new women I come into contact with, become friends with and eventually date. needless to say, I wouldn't want to alienate the friendship I have with her by bedding one of her girl friends that's just asking for it - and that's the issue here. my good friend (we'll call her Sally) is 100% aware that her girl friend (we'll call her Julie) is waay into me. like hits me up trying to get together like once a week. I'll usually rain check but I'm a big flirt so I really keep things looking like I want her. anyway, at my last party Sally tells me, you know, Julie's really into you, which is fine, I just wouldn't want things to get weird in the group, you know? plus, Julie's kind of on and off with this dude I met this one time. anyway, I finally give in and Julie and I will be hanging out on Friday, at my place - just the two of us. so... I'm attracted to her, and vise versa. to be frank, I want to ravage this girl, lol. however, I'm thinking she'll blab about it and I'll have to deal with all the bs surrounding our friends finding out were sleeping together; plus any drama that may or may not come from on and off guy. so I was possibly considering NOT going all the way with her on Friday - maybe just messing around and seeing how she operates at that level. If something like that hot out, that's easily managed I think, as it could be passed off as a one time thing - we both had too much to drink, whatever... any advice? to bed, or not to bed? that is the question... If you want to ravage her, I think you should get help. But if you want to ravish her, I'd say buena suerte (good luck in Espanol) and stay thirsty my friend. My real opinion is that you are over analyzing this. You got all the info you need and it sounds like all systems are go. No one should fault you for pairing off with a willing female. Your's is your life not theirs. If someone is jealous, that is their problem. Eventually this gang with all just pair off and you won't want be the one without a chair when the music stops.
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 This is really unfair to the woman in question. Sure, she may choose not to sleep with the OP after he tells her that he only wants sex and not a relationship, but THAT IS HER RIGHT. Lying or being untruthful as a way to manipulate her into sleeping with him is disgusting. She already knows exactly what the intentions are, she is going to his house. Where did I suggest lying? I didnt. Its also his right to just to let things evolve that evening in the natural course of things. That is not manipulation. You yourself may think its disgusting, but thats not his problem.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 great feedback so far; thank you everyone. I see that some are of the opinion, or at least I see it implied in comments, that women don't enjoy, casual, mutually consensual, hot, steamy, sex on as as many surfaces of my condo as possible... I think that's a wild double standard. I mean really? has anyone not seen the Fight Club, "Marla Singer" scenes... ?? lol. I'm kidding somewhat, but you all get my point. I am a gentlemen and can only do my best to build attraction and seduce her. I won't lie, nor will I push the issue if she legitimately just felt like coming over uhhh... just because. I agree with the poster that said, what business of it is Sally's. I get that. I have a feeling this is merely about lust; so if I get a vibe like she's crushing, I'll likely steer the convo in the direction of I'm not looking for a girl friend - although the delivery will be subtle and my advances (gentlemanly of course) will not cease. how did Brad Pitts' character so eloquently put it in Fight Club? sport fu*king? lol, I love that movie.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why don't you just buy a hooker, though? It's the same thing without the worry of having to see her again, like is what you're worrying about within your group of friends.
Allisha Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 You again I wanna know what happens with this one, too. =]
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Why don't you just buy a hooker, though? It's the same thing without the worry of having to see her again, like is what you're worrying about within your group of friends. because personally, I find the idea of selling one's body for money gross; but to each their own - it's not the world's oldest profession for nothing. plus, I group myself among those men that want some challenge when pursuing a woman. that's something I don't believe a hooker can give a man. I could be wrong though, I suppose (but I doubt it). and the biggest reason is the likelihood of them carrying diseases, including, but probably not limited to STDs... I understand that some "working girls" are out there and are STD free, okay... but considering the VOLUME of questionable dudes that use them for their bodys, hell, the likelihood that they're carrying something has gotta be pretty high. whatever that statistic is, it's too high for me to risk catching something horrendous. you deal with some risk sleeping with anybody; I get that, but why play with fire if I don't have to. no hookers pls.
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why don't you just buy a hooker, though? It's the same thing without the worry of having to see her again, like is what you're worrying about within your group of friends. He could I suppose, by why should he? There is absolutely no reason why two consenting adults can get together for an evening of fun contrary to what you think. By the way, unless I missed it I didnt read anywhere in his post that said he may not want to see her again. He may, or he may not, thats up to him.
O'Malley Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 There's nothing wrong with wanting, and having, casual sex as long as you're VERY CLEAR about your intentions with the woman. So when Julie comes over, if things start getting sexual, make sure you tell her up front that you're not looking for a relationship or to date anybody exclusively. If you do that, and she agrees & still wants to sleep with you, I don't see the big deal. Of course there is always the possibility that she may not want to have sex with you after you tell her that, but that's her right. And she absolutely deserves to know your intentions up front. I also don't see what Sally has to do with anything... You are an adult and your sex life is your business not hers. This. Keep in mind that some friends aren't so discreet in their discussions, so if you're that worried about your friends' reaction you might want to look further afield. Just because it's no one else's business doesn't mean it won't become gossip central.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Why are you quick to rule her out as someone to date? you are seeing her as just a human sex toy to provide you with sexual pleasure, that's it. Can you open up your mind to seeing her as an actual human being and take her on a date, get to know her for a month or so, and see if she is someone interesting to date and be in a relationship, rather than just a human sex toy to get your rocks off?
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