'I miss you'

[Achlys]

Does it ever actually mean anything? Or is it simply loneliness on the dumpers part?

 

Finally told H I wanted the Divorce(i dont really, but dont want to fight anymore if thats what he wants) and wished him well on his way. And have had LC, only about things such as belongings that needed to be sorted. Then last night at nearly midnight i get the ' I still miss you' text, complete with kisses xx

 

My heart feels like its being ripped from my chest over a simple text ugh!!

[Shakz]

Well gosh, I guess you should mean what you say and say what you mean. What's wrong with "I don't want to fight anymore, but I don't really want to lose you. We have to find a way to work it out. Would you be open to counseling?"

[Achlys]

I did say all those things. time and time again. Told him exactly how i feel, what im willing to do to save our marriage. Coupled with showing him for months now. But he cant seem to let go of his anger when i mention it, and it ends up in a 'you did this' arguement. And a 'no' to my request. Hence my saying im tired of fighting, and trying to let him go if that if what he truly wishes.

 

Yet, i get texts like the one last night, which just confuse me

[Shakz]

In that case he sounds like he wants everything his own way and is using your vulnerabilities against you, as if you were at war. I would be skeptical of the sincerity of his emotional appeals, not that he is necessarily making a conscious attempt to blackmail you, but it is effectively the same. Maybe you should move on to NC, at least for awhile, and give yourselves a chance to sort out your true feelings.

[You Go Girl]

We all miss what we lose or are losing. It's human. You miss him too sometimes.

Just because he had a moment of expressing that, is hardly a real effort to save a marriage. So he can text! It's like congratulating someone on being able to have sex and get pregnant. For most, it takes no effort, just the simple act. Or telling someone their eyes are beautiful. It's not like they get credit for it! We all have to realize that eyes are something we made no effort to achieve.

So he earns no brownie points for firing off a text message that took up a whole 30 seconds of his life.

Who knows, part of him could have wished he didn't send it the second after he sent it. Do you see what I mean?

He's not serious, but whenever he has a weak moment, he knows that you are an emotional creature that will respond immediately, usually with full forgivance.

[Steadfast]

It is a normal thing for an ex to reach out when lonely or unsure. And no; they probably take little or no time to consider how it affects you. As hard, cold, cruel and blatant as my ex was, she went to some considerable lengths to reach out to me. Because I had taken the time to study both of our natures (hers and mine) it was easy to recognize.

 

It's all about her. I'm expected to understand and react accordingly.

 

Since my divorce, I've been in a couple of relationships that I knew wouldn't work. More than once I found myself reaching for the phone or calling up their email. But, because I knew how it felt I left things alone.

 

Shakz gave good advice; don't say anything you don't mean; that's manipulation. Sometimes the most powerful words are no words at all.

Edited August 4, 2010 by Steadfast

[Gunny376]

You telll him it doesn't come that easy!

 

He's got to work his way back into your heart and in your life ~ be it through MC or whatever.

[Achlys]

Trying my very best to stay upbeat today and not let all this overwhelm me. Some days though its just impossible. The bouncing from anger to tears to plain loss sometimes makes me feel like im losing my mind.

 

Shakz- I understand the whole saying you what mean thing, and i wholeheartedly agree. But what else is there to do when your 'other half' brings up divorce, you eventually have to agree or not, despite maybe not really wanting it. I chose to try and make it simple on us both, and stop the arguing..be the better person and all that rot! And just agree with what he says..about that.

 

Steadfast- you seem to have come out the other side a better person, who takes time to consider others, and i can only hope to eventually FEEL the same insight as you do, and not just know it logically.

 

YouGoGirl- Not giving him browie points at all. Im just SO frustrated and miss him so much I just want to weep. So of course I want to believe that he misses me too and finds this even half as hard as i do.

Or giving him full forgiveness anymore, since i too need his forgiveness for alot of things. Im only asking to try counselling before we give up completely.

 

But since counselling is not an option, and it seems NC is the only thing i can do now to try and ease my own torture..

 

So Gunny i guess i wont be telling him anything! Long as i can stop myself from needing contact from the man who was my best friend

[foamy2001]

I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

NC is the way to go. I changed my phone number, e-mail address and deleted my facebook. The only way my ex can contact me (not that she would) is if she came to my work. It hasn't made me stop thinking about her, but it has kept my sanity in tact and I no longer spend ever waking hour hoping for her to get in touch with me.

 

I know you don't want to hear it, but just let it go. Make it impossible for him to contact you. A message like this only hurts you and you have plenty of that happening w/o his late night texts.

 

I'm sorry.

[habs53]

You telll him it doesn't come that easy!

 

He's got to work his way back into your heart and in your life ~ be it through MC or whatever.

Best answer

[Achlys]

Well i didnt let it go, couldnt maintain NC and all ive gotten is more hurt for it sigh I tried my best to just listen to what he has to say, accept he is hurt and try not to get angry no matter what he said, but he calmly attempt to explain and ..be a better person. Yet when it is the subject of 'us' he is completely vicious in his attacks on me.(and i mean verbally)

 

Otherwise, he just acts like its perfectly normal to keep texting about movies he found, or things hes doing. Perfect acceptable to come over, sex or supper, whichever takes his fancy. all while living at his mothers, and i sit here struggling to pay bills and keep my head above water completely alone, far from family and any real friends. He wants to be 'friends' And all i can think is that I wouldnt tolerate his behavior and words to me in a friend so.....

 

Ive told him to leave me alone, that I was leaving asap. deleted him off facebook, and blocked him from my email account. And his words to me when i said this?(before i blocked obviously)

 

'6 years of my life and now you just walk away???'

 

Am i missing something here, hes the one that walked

 

Been two days now NC since and i dont know if i can do it.

 

Ive had four days off work, and done absolutely nothing with them. I had nothing to do and no one to do it with. I feel so frigging pathetic all the time just sat here, stuck in this pain! Im so lonely all the time i hate it!

 

The link to my story is in my sig otherwise this probably wont make any sense.

[habs53]

Well i didnt let it go, couldnt maintain NC and all ive gotten is more hurt for it sigh I tried my best to just listen to what he has to say, accept he is hurt and try not to get angry no matter what he said, but he calmly attempt to explain and ..be a better person. Yet when it is the subject of 'us' he is completely vicious in his attacks on me.(and i mean verbally)

 

Otherwise, he just acts like its perfectly normal to keep texting about movies he found, or things hes doing. Perfect acceptable to come over, sex or supper, whichever takes his fancy. all while living at his mothers, and i sit here struggling to pay bills and keep my head above water completely alone, far from family and any real friends. He wants to be 'friends' And all i can think is that I wouldnt tolerate his behavior and words to me in a friend so.....

 

Ive told him to leave me alone, that I was leaving asap. deleted him off facebook, and blocked him from my email account. And his words to me when i said this?(before i blocked obviously)

 

'6 years of my life and now you just walk away???'

 

Am i missing something here, hes the one that walked

 

Been two days now NC since and i dont know if i can do it.

 

Ive had four days off work, and done absolutely nothing with them. I had nothing to do and no one to do it with. I feel so frigging pathetic all the time just sat here, stuck in this pain! Im so lonely all the time i hate it!

 

The link to my story is in my sig otherwise this probably wont make any sense.

Nc is very hard to do. Yes you can do it!!! No you are not pathetic, he is. Dont forget that. In the long run, you will be fine, not him.

 

Cut him completely, no email, no texting. no facebook. Nothing. You will feel much better as time passes.

[Achlys]

Nc is very hard to do. Yes you can do it!!! No you are not pathetic, he is. Dont forget that. In the long run, you will be fine, not him.

 

Cut him completely, no email, no texting. no facebook. Nothing. You will feel much better as time passes.

 

Thank you Habs, even simple affirmation from someone else helps alot when you are stuck with your own thoughts

 

Trying my very best this time, for ME, for my peace of mind. I just have to try and accept i will never understand how he thinks. Hard when you thought you knew someone so well tho.

 

and can i saygood i hope he is NOT fine, i hope he is leads a long miserable life???? (give me time to be the better person)

 

btw New Brunswick making me homesick! i really need to leave and go home, im in the UK but from NS, never thought id miss it when i left!

[habs53]

Listen be strong. I find weekends are the hardest. Everybody is a couple. I thought i knew my wife as well. Guess i was wrong.

If you need support add me to msn. There is others on my msn as well from here. It gives you the chance to talk live instead of waiting for a reply when you need it most.

[email protected]

 

btw, i have been to Dartmouth NS 3 times since May.

[foamy2001]

This guy sounds like a jerk. I shook my head in disbelief as I read the "six years and you just walk away" line.

 

No one deserves to be jerked around emotionally like this. Cut him out of your life. It won't be easy, but someday you will look back and wonder why it was so hard to do. you are not his little play thing that he can take out and bat around whenever he feels the desire.

[You Go Girl]

This guy sounds like a jerk. I shook my head in disbelief as I read the "six years and you just walk away" line.

 

No one deserves to be jerked around emotionally like this. Cut him out of your life. It won't be easy, but someday you will look back and wonder why it was so hard to do. you are not his little play thing that he can take out and bat around whenever he feels the desire.

 

Underlined part above --perfect! couldn't say it better myself.

 

Read that line over and over and over and over again Achlys. You really can do so much better in life and love-- but you'll never know it if you keep this guy in your life.