MrNate Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I've given this some thought and I began to wonder what is it about confidence that is so attractive? What makes this trait stand out from other such attention grabbing traits such as bravery, physical strength, passion, etc.? I guess in terms of women and men, obviously women value this as a higher priority than men do in terms of attraction (a lot of males really value looks). I know personally, even if a woman was as confident as I don't know what towards me, her looks will carry greater weight. What say you? What do you think makes confidence so alluring?
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 It is an interesting dynamic, no question. I dont date men so I couldnt completely answer that. However, women can smell a wussy a mile away. I suppose the question could also be asked, why is a lack of confidence such a turn off?
Author MrNate Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 It is an interesting dynamic, no question. I dont date men so I couldnt completely answer that. However, women can smell a wussy a mile away. I suppose the question could also be asked, why is a lack of confidence such a turn off? Definitely. It really makes me wonder why this one feature is such a standout from all the others?
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Well, confidence can actually significantly affect the physical look and attractiveness of a man...confident men tend to have better posture, more deliberate walking gait, friendly and more attractive facial expressions, more put together clothing and outfits, and the list goes on... Less confident men...well, they may not have any of those things...
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Definitely. It really makes me wonder why this one feature is such a standout from all the others? You need to understand the idea that human beings are animals, and the things that attract us to a potential mate are based on evolution of the species. Men are attracted to fit, hard-bodied women because we sub-consciously perceive that they will give us healthier offspring. Women are attracted to strong, confident men because they perceive that those guys will be better providers for them and the children. Yes, there are other things to consider, and over time our own life experiences will change the things we look for in a partner, but that's at the heart of it.
Author MrNate Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Well, confidence can actually significantly affect the physical look and attractiveness of a man...confident men tend to have better posture, more deliberate walking gait, friendly and more attractive facial expressions, more put together clothing and outfits, and the list goes on... Less confident men...well, they may not have any of those things... So maybe confidence stimulates traits in a male or female that makes them seem more alluring? I can definitely believe that.
brainygirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 People are social animals. When a member of the social group is uncomfortable, we become uncomfortable because we have an instinct to pick up on that and be wary of danger. If I'm on a date with someone who seems uncomfortable all the time, I become uncomfortable. And why should I spend time with someone who makes me feel like that, even if its only because of body posture?
Serenitynow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I think the confidence cliche is a bunch of crap. Women can sense this trait ? But cant tell anything else about a guy ? Funny how many women on here let guys walk all over them, use them, post 1000's of threads a year asking why he does this or that, does he just want sex, why hasnt he called, but YET the can figure out confidence. I think EACH situation is individualistic to its own at the time and with those two people. If a woman finds a guy attractive, it doesnt really matter how he presents himself. Shes willing to give him leeway. The more succesful a women is, than yes shes routinely going to look for her match being the same. Doest make a dam bit of difference how confident a guy is that has no job and lives at home, his chances are doomed. I think EGO/SUCCESS gets mixed up with said "confidence" too much. Theres also the guys that are "smooth talkers", that doesnt mean he's "confident" "confidence" is the most overused, misunderstood bs that women "think" they look for in a guy. .
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I think the confidence cliche is a bunch of crap. Women can sense this trait ? But cant tell anything else about a guy ? Funny how many women on here let guys walk all over them, use them, post 1000's of threads a year asking why he does this or that, does he just want sex, why hasnt he called, but YET the can figure out confidence. I think EACH situation is individualistic to its own at the time and with those two people. If a woman finds a guy attractive, it doesnt really matter how he presents himself. Shes willing to give him leeway. The more succesful a women is, than yes shes routinely going to look for her match being the same. Doest make a dam bit of difference how confident a guy is that has no job and lives at home, his chances are doomed. I think EGO/SUCCESS gets mixed up with said "confidence" too much. Theres also the guys that are "smooth talkers", that doesnt mean he's "confident" "confidence" is the most overused, misunderstood bs that women "think" they look for in a guy. . Really? I disagree. Ladies ever get this phone call?
Serenitynow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Really? I disagree. Ladies ever get this phone call? Exceptions to everything, not hard to figure out.
TouchedByViolet Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I think the confidence cliche is a bunch of crap. Women can sense this trait ? But cant tell anything else about a guy ? Funny how many women on here let guys walk all over them, use them, post 1000's of threads a year asking why he does this or that, does he just want sex, why hasnt he called, but YET the can figure out confidence. I think EACH situation is individualistic to its own at the time and with those two people. If a woman finds a guy attractive, it doesnt really matter how he presents himself. Shes willing to give him leeway. The more succesful a women is, than yes shes routinely going to look for her match being the same. Doest make a dam bit of difference how confident a guy is that has no job and lives at home, his chances are doomed. I think EGO/SUCCESS gets mixed up with said "confidence" too much. Theres also the guys that are "smooth talkers", that doesnt mean he's "confident" "confidence" is the most overused, misunderstood bs that women "think" they look for in a guy. . yes, yes and yes. I see confidence as a state of mind that allows a person to be their best. That is all. Whether a man's best is enough to attract a certain girl is irrelevant. Women use the word too freely and often incorrectly, a more fitting word is MANLY. Women like manly men. Big, strong, assertive, and powerful.
Serenitynow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Really? I disagree. Ladies ever get this phone call? And that has nothing to do with CONFIDENCE . thats just the "label" we put on it. All that situation is, is not being prepared and thinking of what to say. .
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Exceptions to everything, not hard to figure out. Just because there are exceptions does not make the rule any less valid.
Serenitynow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 If I get turned down by what ever number of women you want to pick, that means nothing about my state of confidence. YET people will label it so just because i didnt get a date. Is shy the same as "not confident" is in experianced the same as "not confident" is nervous the same as "not confident" CONFIDENCE is just a blanket label our society throws around. .
brainygirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 If I get turned down by what ever number of women you want to pick, that means nothing about my state of confidence. YET people will label it so just because i didnt get a date. Is shy the same as "not confident" is in experianced the same as "not confident" is nervous the same as "not confident" CONFIDENCE is just a blanket label our society throws around. . A confident person can walk into an unfamiliar situation, look around, and decide what to do (ask fro help, look at the directions, read a map, attempt a repair). Nervousness and shyness are byproducts of lacking confidence. I say this as a person who is often having to fight being shy and nervous. I've found that when you pretend to be confident, you begin to feel more confident.
Serenitynow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Back to the world of confidence in dating. . . . Confidence is in the eye of the beholder. If you randomly ask women "describe a confident guy", or "what makes a confident guy". You will get a ton of different answers. Now the actual break down of qualities they give are the real reasons they like the guy, confidence is just the blanket thats used as the header above the multitude of reasons.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Confidence IMO is reassuring that the person has complete security with who they are and s not just a functing collection of fragments. It is easy to get comfortable in the company of someone who has a consistent identity--it breeds trust that this person can be counted upon to be a continuum of a single package. Confidence can of course be misinterpretted as bravado or the appearnace of being a maverick. Those things are in reality often "bought" covers for insecurity. The turkey who cover his arms and what not with ink and sets off a wake of car alarms a few hundred times a night with his loud-azz Harley or rice rocket is often one who is merely building a "personna" behind which is an insecure little boy who has no real substance or direction and therefore can not really be understood as a single up front identity. That kind of thing.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Back to the world of confidence in dating. . . . Confidence is in the eye of the beholder. If you randomly ask women "describe a confident guy", or "what makes a confident guy". You will get a ton of different answers. Now the actual break down of qualities they give are the real reasons they like the guy, Except that most of the time they're lying, and before anyone accuses me of being sexist, men do exactly the same thing. The thing to remember is this, attraction is not a choice, it's a biological reaction, and thus nobody can logically explain why they are attracted to a specific individual. Hence if you ask a woman why she's attracted to a particular man (or vice versa), you'll get a list of things that she discovered about him AFTER she decided to hook up with him. It still won't explain the attraction.
Serenitynow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Except that most of the time they're lying, and before anyone accuses me of being sexist, men do exactly the same thing. The thing to remember is this, attraction is not a choice, it's a biological reaction, and thus nobody can logically explain why they are attracted to a specific individual. Hence if you ask a woman why she's attracted to a particular man (or vice versa), you'll get a list of things that she discovered about him AFTER she decided to hook up with him. It still won't explain the attraction. True . . . exceptions to everything
jamesum Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Confidence makes you look 'manlier' because it exudes power. This is just the truth. Men also like confident women. The difference is just that men tend to approach women who seem to be less confident than them because otherwise they will be too intimidated to approach them.
Sphere Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Confidence to me is all about being comfortable and happy. If you are comfortable in any given social setting and you are happy in life you exude a lust for life and most people are attracted to. I couldn't tell what makes women find confidence attractive though. I don't even think they know if the truth be told.
AD1980 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) Its such a vague fluff term used for mostly good looking guys women are drawn to..People make it some magic word as if you can get any women you want with "confidence" First off nobody is confident all the time,secondly its impossible to gauge exact confidence when you first meet a person..I know plenty of good looking dudes who have allot of insecurites but still get women becasue they are attractive and some people who fake over confidence on the otuside but on the inside are highly insecure.. The word should be banned form the dating world because it has little meaning.. Edited August 4, 2010 by AD1980
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I've given this some thought and I began to wonder what is it about confidence that is so attractive? What makes this trait stand out from other such attention grabbing traits such as bravery, physical strength, passion, etc.? I guess in terms of women and men, obviously women value this as a higher priority than men do in terms of attraction (a lot of males really value looks). I know personally, even if a woman was as confident as I don't know what towards me, her looks will carry greater weight. What say you? What do you think makes confidence so alluring? What are you trying to start a full blown war here? Seriously... I don't really care about confidence in a woman. I look for self esteem first, and as much as those two things CAN be linked, they are very different. Why do women look for confidence? I assume because the lack thereof makes you pretty much suck at everything. If you don't believe you can achieve something you won't.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I must be the opposite. Super confidence turns me off. As does super insecurity. I need a guy who is reasonably confident, but still has some vulnerability and weakness. If a guy is "too smooth", warning bells go off in my head right away.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 It really depends on what you mean by "confident." I guess I dig "confident" people in that I dig emotionally healthy people who know what they need and want and take the steps necessary to achieve it, confronting their inner fears and anxieties, and coming out the other side stronger. That doesn't mean I dig arrogant alphamales. In fact, usually those guys turn me off, and I see them as anything but truly confident and having a good foundation. I also dig a guy who can be reserved (or [gasp] shy) without being socially awkward or lacking in a sense of self and ability to assert themselves. Most people aren't assertive. They're aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive . . . all of which are not attractive to me. Assertive people who are acting honestly and kindly on what they want in the world are attractive because they are healthy. You know what you're getting. These are the people who do what they say they will, but also know what they need and want from life, and have accepted themselves as they are,and nothing is more attractive than that to a healthy person (and perhaps nothing less irksome to an unhealthy person wanting drama to feed them). I guess in terms of women and men, obviously women value this as a higher priority than men do in terms of attraction (a lot of males really value looks). I know personally, even if a woman was as confident as I don't know what towards me, her looks will carry greater weight. If her looks carry the greatest weight to you, that tells me you're either not terribly healthy or not terribly inclined to find a real relationship (the latter isn't terrible, but I think we should distinguish casual relationships from real ones that people invest in emotionally for the sake of most of these discussions). If you mean they'll weigh more heavily at the beginning, that makes sense, perhaps, as men often wait longer to assess such things than women who have some blind notions about their intuitions, on average, but most fellows I know would run like heck away from an insecure, needy gal no matter how hot she was. Even mild to moderately unhealthy fellows or those only seeking the casual are likely to follow the hot-crazy scale. Most crazy people aren't very confident, in terms of what I detailed in the initial, and that causes a lot of crazy behaviors. People are social animals. When a member of the social group is uncomfortable, we become uncomfortable because we have an instinct to pick up on that and be wary of danger. If I'm on a date with someone who seems uncomfortable all the time, I become uncomfortable. And why should I spend time with someone who makes me feel like that, even if its only because of body posture? This makes sense. That said, everyone has times they are uncomfortable, as do most relationships when they're getting off the grounds and everyone is sorting through their own feelings and intentions, so if you go too far to the extreme, it seems silly. It's all about degree. A confident person can walk into an unfamiliar situation, look around, and decide what to do (ask fro help, look at the directions, read a map, attempt a repair). Nervousness and shyness are byproducts of lacking confidence. I say this as a person who is often having to fight being shy and nervous. I've found that when you pretend to be confident, you begin to feel more confident. I disagree about shyness. I don't think being introverted is bad (I'm not personally introverted, as I require even jobs where I work with people constantly but I know many introverts who are socially apt though a bit shy/reserved in their own ways) but agree 100% with everything else, so that may be more of a linguistic difference. It's all about being able to assess a situation and figure out what to do, accepting that things may go awry and you'll be totally okay. People who are confident in their total success are usually over confident and unattractive. People who just know they are going to fail, stumble, feel uncomfortable, have to deal with things sometimes and can still get in their, assess the situation, and deal with it while maintaining their sense of self and asserting themselves positively. . . well, that's pretty attractive. To me, at least. And those people are usually happy too. Really, I think happiness is a really attractive feature in someone.
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