EYECANDY000 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 So my bf and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary a few weeks ago. Although its been rocky we've decided to stick it through. since our last break up, which lasted a week, we have been closer than ever. When we broke up all I wanted to do was leave and get away for a while. So I submitted my resumes to a lot of cruise ships. Ive always wanted to get into that field, since ive worked on a smaller boat, a plane, and a train. Plus I have no kids and no commitments. Well when I submitted my resume it stated it takes 4 or so weeks to process. Today I recieved an email from one of the companies stating that they would love to meet with me and was highly impressed with my resume. Well I told my bf while we were on the phone, and said one of the cruise boats called me back for an interview, and I said do you think I should go to the interview, and he replied "yes".. i was left thinking likr wow, he would just let me go like that.. So about an hour later I texted him and asked " would you just let me up and go? and he said "yep! now, i dont know if he was joking or not, but im just surprised that hes not stopping me in some sort of way. I dont know how to feel. I know he wasnt the best for me, but also if you want to be with someone dont you stoop them? If your s/o was ok with you persuing a career where you wouldnt be able to see them how would you feel if they said it was ok to go? i would do anytrhing for him and if he said he wants me to stay I would, but im not sure if he would do it in return. A few months ago a friend of his asked if he wanted to move to vegas for a business venture. and he would have to leave the following week. Well my bf brung it up to me and my heart dropped . The only thing that stopped him from going was because the first buisness partner he asked re surfaced . but my bf was ll for leaving the next week, and stated I could save money and he would send for me. I was surprised he would make a decision like that without me. am i over exaggerating?
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I would never stop someone from bettering themselves or pursuing a career, or even following a dream. Especially if at a young age. That should be a primary goal to be career oriented. Sounds to me like your ego took a hit. Get up, brush yourself off and rub some dirt on it. Otherwise if it's that big of a deal to you, move on.
meerkat stew Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I dated a woman who used to pull "fake moves" all the time to get a reaction from me. Never again, I don't get concerned until they go to the passport office or rent a uhaul. Maybe your guy had one of these in his life in the past.
MrNate Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I would never stop someone from bettering themselves or pursuing a career, or even following a dream. Especially if at a young age. That should be a primary goal to be career oriented. Sounds to me like your ego took a hit. Get up, brush yourself off and rub some dirt on it. Otherwise if it's that big of a deal to you, move on. I agree with this.
D-Lish Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I dated a woman who used to pull "fake moves" all the time to get a reaction from me. Never again, I don't get concerned until they go to the passport office or rent a uhaul. Maybe your guy had one of these in his life in the past. I agree with you MS, he either dismissed it as a powerplay move, or he is truly fine with you going off and doing something good for yourself because he trusts you and wants to support you. There is always the possibility that he doesn't care all that much- but you'd have other solid clues that would leave you in that direction.
sloudrou Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I would never stop someone from bettering themselves or pursuing a career, or even following a dream. Especially if at a young age. That should be a primary goal to be career oriented. Sounds to me like your ego took a hit. Get up, brush yourself off and rub some dirt on it. Otherwise if it's that big of a deal to you, move on. +1. The test of whether it's really love or just ego is how controlling someone feels toward their partner. People who are truly in love are happy to let the other one go and better themselves, knowing that the partner will come back in the end. People who are tied only by ego will object to the partner going away for any reason because they want to be the dominant partner. You need to ask yourself which of these you are, and which of these your bf is. That said, if you've already broken up more than once, it sounds like it probably isn't going to last anyway, and if that's the case, it shouldn't be the most important thing in the lives of either of you.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I dated a woman who used to pull "fake moves" all the time to get a reaction from me. Never again, I don't get concerned until they go to the passport office or rent a uhaul. Maybe your guy had one of these in his life in the past. Hes aware that ive always wanted to do this jog so im not just bluffing. Im not asking, just to get a reaction out of him, I truely want to know how he feels about the situation.
linwood Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Hes aware that ive always wanted to do this jog so im not just bluffing. Im not asking, just to get a reaction out of him, I truely want to know how he feels about the situation. It seems he`s told you. He has no problem with you leaving.
sagetalk Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Whats with women and drama? Like gasoline to a car. I once heard a girl say that she would rather feel anything (including hurt and pain) then nothing at all. It makes no sense to me either. It's like a type of emotional addiction. If girls want drama, they can have it. I say I hate it, and I honestly mean it. And if this is the same guy I remember from another post, then she couldn't dump this guy fast enough.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I agree with you MS, he either dismissed it as a powerplay move, or he is truly fine with you going off and doing something good for yourself because he trusts you and wants to support you. There is always the possibility that he doesn't care all that much- but you'd have other solid clues that would leave you in that direction. I know that he cares and loves me. so thats not a question. But im just surprised that hes just said yes to the idea considering we have spoken about marriage. Also, this job is based on a boat in different countries. so we wouldnt be able to speak, or he wouldnt be able to visit me. And I know that he needs a person around otherwise he wouldnt wait for me.
sugarmomma Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Don't let your happenings upset your happiness. I couldn't resist! Honestly, I wouldn't stop my bf from doing anything he wanted if it would make him happy. I would be sad but I wouldn't want him to resent me for holding him back.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Like gasoline to a car. I once heard a girl say that she would rather feel anything (including hurt and pain) then nothing at all. It makes no sense to me either. It's like a type of emotional addiction. If girls want drama, they can have it. I say I hate it, and I honestly mean it. And if this is the same guy I remember from another post, then she couldn't dump this guy fast enough. Sagetalk, this is the same guy from all of my post.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Don't let your happenings upset your happiness. I couldn't resist! Honestly, I wouldn't stop my bf from doing anything he wanted if it would make him happy. I would be sad but I wouldn't want him to resent me for holding him back. I guess im stubborn then. Because if i cant go with my bf then I wouldnt want him to go. and I would do everything in my power to stop him
meerkat stew Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Hes aware that ive always wanted to do this jog so im not just bluffing. Im not asking, just to get a reaction out of him, I truely want to know how he feels about the situation. Sorry, didn't mean to imply you were being manipulative, but that he could have had baggage from the past. Will say that while I was with the "fake mover" I did not show my true concern, would feign indifference or put on a super-supportive facade while an atom bomb was actually going off in my head and heart
Hot Carl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 He's "letting" you go, because you want to leave him. He can't change what you want. At least you did him a favor and showed how highly you value the relationship overall. Staying physically together is at this point a goal only he has, and it's a losing proposition. From what I know about your relationship, I'd say you're doing the right thing in getting away from him, but the best move would be to make it permanent.
AverageJoe Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I would do everything in my power to stop him Wow...just wow.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 He's "letting" you go, because you want to leave him. He can't change what you want. At least you did him a favor and showed how highly you value the relationship overall. Staying physically together is at this point a goal only he has, and it's a losing proposition. From what I know about your relationship, I'd say you're doing the right thing in getting away from him, but the best move would be to make it permanent. Thanks Carl, I really do love him, and dont see myself without him, which is the reason why ive stuck it through
alphamale Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 am i over exaggerating? i don't think you should hold back on employement or school opportunities that you really want just because of your love life.
Jilly Bean Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Candy - your relationship with this guy has always been toxic and unhealthy. A year of unlimited breakups and makeups. Im sure he sees this as a good way out for both of you, as when you're in something this bad for this long, it takes an outside issue to end it. Consider it a blessing. Good luck with the new job.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Candy - your relationship with this guy has always been toxic and unhealthy. A year of unlimited breakups and makeups. Im sure he sees this as a good way out for both of you, as when you're in something this bad for this long, it takes an outside issue to end it. Consider it a blessing. Good luck with the new job. I know it has been Jilly. If anything you have been there since day 1. and I appreciate your kind words each and every time. Its just that this time when we got back together , we stated that things would be different. and it has been. I know that i can be very sensative a lot of the times and take things to serious. so im wondering if this is one of those times. I havent been able to speak to him about it again. Im just going to wait until I know I have the job, and see what he says.
Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I know it has been Jilly. If anything you have been there since day 1. and I appreciate your kind words each and every time. Its just that this time when we got back together , we stated that things would be different. and it has been. I know that i can be very sensative a lot of the times and take things to serious. so im wondering if this is one of those times. I havent been able to speak to him about it again. Im just going to wait until I know I have the job, and see what he says. I know, hon. You're young, and in love, and right now, the drama part is probably pretty exciting at times. I know - I've been in this kind of thing before. lol But, these kinds of things simply aren't sustainable for the long haul. Just picture a future, Candy. Would you want to bring children into this? I'm sure not. And, like most abusive relationships, there is always the promise of "this time will be different". And you know the thing about the definition of insanity... I hope you get the job, as I think you really need something else to pull you away from this guy. You can't save him. You can't change him. And no amount of love and support from you will change that. Instead, it will suck the life out of you. Go. Take the job. MAKE the job happen.
yah Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Is this something you would be doing for awhile or is it a short term gig on a cruise ship? That would affect my answer.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Is this something you would be doing for awhile or is it a short term gig on a cruise ship? That would affect my answer. Its a six month contract. And depending on if I like it then I can keep extending it for another 6 months.
yah Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 dude! 6 months? of course he wont mind you being gone! I wouldn't care if my bf wanted to go somewhere for 6 months either. I'd encourage it if it was something he's been thinking about. We'd make it work. We've been together 1 year. 6 months is NOTHING.
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