poltino Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Hello everyone. [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I am a 25-year-old female, and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over three years now. We live together, and have for some time now (we moved in together after dating for about 5-6 months). [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]My problem is this; I have no sex drive. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]My boyfriend is a very sexual person, and I also considered myself to be quite sexual at the beginning of our relationship. I first noticed a decline in my interest in sex about a year ago – after a big move and a big change in plans, as far as my future was concerned (I was planning on earning a PhD in another state, but ended up stopping at my Master’s and moving back to my home state). (I have considered the fact that the move could be a big part of it, as it was difficult at first, but am overall happy with the move and with where I am in life). I assumed a decline in sex drive was normal, since most long-term couples’ experience it at some point. But my desire has completely disappeared as of late. Naturally, this has been causing problems in my relationship because my boyfriend’s sex drive has remained exactly where it was when we first started dating. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Now, whenever I reject his advances, he gets really upset. I have tried explaining on numerous occasions that my sex drive has waned. He doesn’t seem to understand or want to accept this, and has started accusing me of things like wanting to have sex with someone else (when honestly, the idea of having sex period, with anyone, is simply not appealing). (And no, I haven’t been masturbating, haven’t in months).[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and have been unable to determine where and why my libido has taken leave. Is it psychological? Biological? Etc…? [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I’m at a loss of what I should do, what steps I should take, which is why I’ve decided to seek advice from others. If anyone can relate, or has any advice/suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated – thanks in advance.[/sIZE][/FONT]
You Go Girl Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 You need to visit your doc Nonsense. There's nothing wrong with her physically. OP--your interest has waned because the connection isn't what you want or need. Examine the intimacy of the relationship. Something is lacking. Has the relationship become complacent? Is he giving as much as he is taking? Are the two of you sharing the best parts of yourselves with each other emotionally? Is the relationship in limbo land? Do the two of you treat each other like gold, or like common everyday silverplate? Is your relationship lacking romantic excursions? affection?
Author poltino Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Nonsense. There's nothing wrong with her physically. OP--your interest has waned because the connection isn't what you want or need. Examine the intimacy of the relationship. Something is lacking. Has the relationship become complacent? Is he giving as much as he is taking? Are the two of you sharing the best parts of yourselves with each other emotionally? Is the relationship in limbo land? Do the two of you treat each other like gold, or like common everyday silverplate? Is your relationship lacking romantic excursions? affection? All fair questions... I guess I would probably characterize our relationship as in limbo, as in neither of us cares to get married and are comfortable with our current relationship situation, that of a cohabitating couple. We do go out occassionally, and do things together. However, we do have different interests as far as what we consider to be fun. For example - I like to just be outside in general (bumming at the beach, etc); him, not so much. He likes to play lots of video games; me, not so much. We sometimes butt heads about domestic chores, as in I always have to ask him to do things, he never takes initiative. I guess I would like more of an equal in that respect. Having said that, he has always been a generous lover, putting me first. He has always been very affectionate and considerate of my emotional needs (and still is). Does that help clarify?
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