MissVegas Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend told me last night he's going to Vegas with his best friend. I went to Vegas with a good friend earlier this summer because he was not around for my birthday and told me he wanted me to go so he could then then go with his friend. Except I got really mad and upset when he told me he was going because just last week my boyfriend asked to borrow 810 dollars, he will pay it back within a few days for sure but he's always complaining how poor he is. When we talk about our future he says he's too poor to afford a ring and a wedding right now. As well he was not here for my b-day this year did not take me for b-day dinner or get me a gift, did not do anything for valentines day this year, i never get flowers, i never get taken out to dinner or movies or anything like that. I chalked it up to him lacking funds and have been understanding of this and I let these things slide. I always pay for things if I want to do them like dinner out, ice cream or a movie. And I always get him nice gifts because I work hard and have more money than he does, I took him to Vegas last year for his birthday It made me really mad that he can afford Vegas probably (1800 all together) but tells me he can't afford things to make me feel special? As well when I mentioned the ring and our future and how I must be low on his priority list he said "I don't want or need to buy you a ring right now". FYI My boyfriend has partied for the last 11 years of his life (he's turning 29). We've been together four years and he's partied hard throughout those years. He's always travelling without me with friends and I only travelled once without him. When he travelled one time he took a girls phone number from Denver and continued to flirt with her when he got home so I have some trust issues. We discussed how we were going to work on things and start our future and now he can afford Vegas but put me on the back burner? He says I'm selfish and crazy? Am I? Or is this guy just not that into me or us? Do I run? PLUS...ANY girls or guys have experience with their boyfriends or girlfriends going to Vegas? I went with my friend but we're both really nice girls in relationships and completely stayed away from guys or informed them we had boyfriends the whole time despite being cat called for 3 days straight. Edited August 3, 2010 by MissVegas
GorillaTheater Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Old guy perspective: no, you're not being irrational. The guy's going to Vegas? And didn't even buy you dinner on your birthday? Tells me how he's prioritized you in his life, and it's way below where he's placed himself. If you can live with this, more power to you. But I advise any women I cared about to ditch him.
2sure Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 It sounds like you are ready to date a grown up man and it isnt him.
sally4sara Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 About the issue - no you're not being irrational. It sounds like a one sided relationship of convenience and perks for him with you getting the short end of the stick every time. Now, you may have begun to react to a real problem with an irrational tone simply by being fed up. There is no need for it. He isn't the last chance saloon of love for you. Drop him and get a better BF.
Author MissVegas Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Thanks for the replies. I really really do appreciate them.
norajane Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 About the issue - no you're not being irrational. It sounds like a one sided relationship of convenience and perks for him with you getting the short end of the stick every time. Now, you may have begun to react to a real problem with an irrational tone simply by being fed up. There is no need for it. He isn't the last chance saloon of love for you. Drop him and get a better BF. Totally agree. He's a loser, and there's no reason you should be with him. He also doesn't seem particularly interested in being a bf, much less in getting married. Why exactly are you dating him? There are better men out there. Find one.
BB07 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 This has nothing to do with him going to Vegas, it's just the **** way he is treating you. Lose him........he isn't worth it.
cabarc1 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 After reading this, i can't believe you're dating this guy in the first place! You put in so much effort and he does nothing. Screw that! Go out and find you a real man. There are a lot of guys that would treat you better than that
phineas Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 what they said. If your too poor for option A Then you should also be poor for option B especially if the 2nd costs more. my STBXW does this. She's soooooooo poor she can't afford to put minutes on her cell phone so I can talk to my kids when she has them. but she's flying cross country next month.
AverageJoe Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Did he ask for those gifts? Other than the loan, which wasnt a smart move by the way. You enabled his behavior then complain about it. Sounds to me like the guy has no desire to be in a relationship, and frankly why should he? I never understand why women think they can change and mold someone into what they like and desire. People do not change unless they want to. Period. Oh well, you picked the guy.
Author MissVegas Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 He asks for expensive gifts yes, he paid me back the loan money too. I treat someone the way I want to be treated. But true sometimes you can't fix something that's already broken. Thanks for your replies I appreciate each one.
Author MissVegas Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 would asking him not to go be pointless at this point?
blueberries Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 i don't see the point on asking him not to go...he already decided that he wants to be a sh*tty bf. i really think it's a one sided relationship and he's taking you for granted, putting you on the backburner and treating you like a doormat. it doesn't sound like you're anywhere on his priority list. on top of that, he took a girl's number and was flirt texting her? that's just disrespectful and in my books, cheating. also, he told you that he has no intentions of marriage with you. you deserve someone who cares about you. i'd dump him quick.
amymarieca Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 No you are not being irrational at all. Clearly he doesn't have you high on his list of priorities. Even when I am broke I always manage to do something nice for someone on their birthday. One year I was so poor that I baked my best friend cupcakes for her birthday. She appreciated the thought even though it wasn't something expensive. I had a similar experience with an ex once. We talked about getting engaged and the ring I wanted was $800. He claimed to never propose because he couldn't afford it. Soon after that he went out and bought a $2000 computer that he didn't need. Let's just say that was the deal breaker for me!
MyNameIsJane Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I'm with everyone else on this one. You seem to be low on his priority list (but higher up on the list of possible people that can loan him money) Leave him. Besides, if you're not on his priority list when he's in town... do you even want to know what his priority list for Vegas is?
MyNameIsJane Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 wait till he pays you back, then leave him. LOL! Seriously! It sounds bad, but if she breaks up with him, I highly doubt that money will ever come back to her. But be on his a$$ about it EVERY SINGLE DAY and the day you get it, give him the boot
Author MissVegas Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I got it back i wish i was higher on the priority list but im just not
blueberries Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 i'm sorry missvegas, i feel your pain what are you going to do now?
Author MissVegas Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 a part of me wants to ask him to cancel and smarten up and think about me for once and a part of me just wants to let it go since he said he already was not interested in marrying me
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