SweetyBear Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I've often heard the advice, "Just let it go." Insecurity is such an ugly beast and it can kill a relationship. I know this and yet sometimes it seems a living, breathing thing that is such a part of me. I really want to cut it out of my life like a cancer and just let go of everything that's hurt me before so I can move forward in my relationships. I resolve to do this and then it rears its ugly head and overwhelms me. Is there anyone else out there who really struggles with this and has found a way to overcome it? I don't mean the normal insecurities, but something so tangible that it provokes you to say things that cut your partner who is just trying to love you to pieces? I can prevent the words from coming out of my mouth most of the time, but when I do say them I know they hurt because my boyfriend thinks I've just been thinking all these bad things about him and then they finally surface. His take on it is that it's a trust issue and that I'm making him pay for what has gone on in my past. I know it's bad for our relationship and ultimately, it's bad for me to have these feelings because it tears me down. So, if you've been able to "just let go" please tell me how. Seriously.
denise_xo Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 In general, you need to get to the root of what you are insecure about. When you do, you can face it head on - and then you will be able to let it go. Part of that process could be sharing your insecurities with your bf or other people you trust - when insecurities hit the light they usually crumble and become much smaller than they are when they only exist inside your head. 'Just let it go' is a kind of umbrella term that actually means lot of different things depending on the situation you're in - in reality, people don't just decide to 'let go' and then in the next instance it's gone, they let go after some kind of process of thoughts/ actions/ reflections that eventually lead to the decision to let go. In that sense, dealing with your insecurity should be a longer term project that you address systematically and seriously. Have you done IC? If not, give it a try, it sounds like you have internalised some negative thought patterns and could benefit from cognitive therapy. What are you insecure about? In what ways does being with your bf (or other people) trigger those insecurities?
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