chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Hey guys, I've been a bit out of the dating/girlfriend loop for about 2 years now, mainly because I went through a pretty bad, abusive relationship that put me off for a while and knocked my self-confidence badly. I feel I might be coming out of my dark place finally though, I have a generally happy life again now, I've noticed I've even been getting some female attention again lately, nothing major, just a few smiles and flirty comments off a few ladies, which hasn't happened for a while, maybe I'm appearing different somehow. Anyway, a new girl started at work a couple of months ago, I don't see her all the time, just do work there a couple of times a month, I first noticed she was smiling at me a lot, and always makes a point of saying hi to me when I come in, I just kinda got the vibe that she is into me. Last week there was just a few of us left in the office and I wanted to get something off a computer, she said I could use hers, and she had my facebook profile up, and realised I saw, looked a bit embarrassed and said she was just looking me up. I added her on facebook next day after that. When we talk, she plays with her hair, runs her fingers through it etc. all the body language seems to suggest she likes me I suppose. So yeah I kinda get the vibe she likes me, I'm so out of practise though, I just hope I haven't mis-read stuff. Anyway, she's new to the area and was complaining on facebook the other day that she doesn't really know many people so had a pretty boring weekend, and was even thinking of going to a cinema/bar alone. I am thinking of asking her out this week, but I'm pretty nervous, which is strange, a few years ago I'd have done it no probs, but now I feel like a fish out of water lol. Maybe asking to cinema or something, or drink after work one evening. Just kinda wanted to get people's views really.
Serenitynow Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 If I even had a girl admit I existed, I would ask her out. I think the facebook thing was a setup, doesnt sound like an accident to me. .
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 If I even had a girl admit I existed, I would ask her out. I think the facebook thing was a setup, doesnt sound like an accident to me. . Well, I think the facebook thing was an accident, cos I had left work, then I came back to check a map on the computer and was trying to log on, then she asked if I wanted to use her PC, and she changed tabs in internet explorer and my facebook was there, she looked a bit embarrassed too, I kinda just laughed and ignored it. Dunno if that means anything though, could just be nosy lol
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 You should not restart your dating life, after a long hiatus, with an office romance, sorry to be so blunt, but that's really all there is to it. If there ever was a proper time to start dating women you work with, it is not when you are rusty. The reasons should be obvious, but can elaborate if not.
Serenitynow Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Well, I think the facebook thing was an accident, cos I had left work, then I came back to check a map on the computer and was trying to log on, then she asked if I wanted to use her PC, and she changed tabs in internet explorer and my facebook was there, she looked a bit embarrassed too, I kinda just laughed and ignored it. Dunno if that means anything though, could just be nosy lol They way you are explaing it, it sounds like she was playing dumb, and pretended to get caught. .
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 You should not restart your dating life, after a long hiatus, with an office romance, sorry to be so blunt, but that's really all there is to it. If there ever was a proper time to start dating women you work with, it is not when you are rusty. The reasons should be obvious, but can elaborate if not. Well yeah that did cross my mind, i'm not really a worker there full time, I work for the parent company so just visit that site a few times a month, I'm not there all the time. But yeah do elaborate!
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 They way you are explaing it, it sounds like she was playing dumb, and pretended to get caught. . Maybe, I dunno, I keep telling myself that maybe I'm just imagining she likes me, she's pretty hot and could have any guy she wants probably. She wouldn't have known I was going to come back to "catch her" though.
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 i'm not really a worker there full time, I work for the parent company so just visit that site a few times a month, I'm not there all the time. But yeah do elaborate! Well in THAT case, have at it. Ask her out for sure, but just once. If she says no, drop it cold. I did not read your OP carefully enough and apologize.
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) Well in THAT case, have at it. Ask her out for sure, but just once. If she says no, drop it cold. I did not read your OP carefully enough and apologize. No probs, ah yeah I'm not bothered enough to be that persistent to be honest, I'm perfectly happy with my life, I'd just noticed she is pretty cute and I get the impression she likes me, so was thinking of asking her, there's probably girls I find more attractive, but still it seemed kinda easier cos she seems to like me, hope that doesn't sound terrible! My thinking was pretty casual, like I'm there tomorrow, and thinking of asking what her plans are for weekend, if she says she has none/doesn't know many people, just asking if she fancied a beer after work or catch a movie over weekend. Edited August 2, 2010 by chocolate_boy
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Well, don't ask her, or any other woman, her plans, just ask her out for a specific date and time (drink good, movie bad btw). It's almost a blessing if she has a schedule conflict because she will tell you right then and there if she is interested in a raincheck, letting you know whether you are "in" or not. If she -really- digs you, she will attempt to set an alternate date on the spot, if she is mildly interested, or at least not averse to the idea, she will say something like, "some other time maybe?" If she is not interested, she may bring up a BF or some other excuse or qualifier. Either way, you get your answer.
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Well, don't ask her, or any other woman, her plans, just ask her out for a specific date and time (drink good, movie bad btw). It's almost a blessing if she has a schedule conflict because she will tell you right then and there if she is interested in a raincheck, letting you know whether you are "in" or not. If she -really- digs you, she will attempt to set an alternate date on the spot, if she is mildly interested, or at least not averse to the idea, she will say something like, "some other time maybe?" If she is not interested, she may bring up a BF or some other excuse or qualifier. Either way, you get your answer. Ok, so maybe a drink after work on friday a good call, can keep it short/casual then too. Not sure if I should just come out of the blue with it or try being a bit flirty first...
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Perfect, up to you as to setup. If you go up to her and she looks at you like doggie dinner, proceed with gusto. If she gives you the stinkeye, retire and reconsider your attempt. Sounds like you are in the clear here actually, nothing to worry about. Let us know how it goes.
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Perfect, up to you as to setup. If you go up to her and she looks at you like doggie dinner, proceed with gusto. If she gives you the stinkeye, retire and reconsider your attempt. Sounds like you are in the clear here actually, nothing to worry about. Let us know how it goes. Will do, thanks for the advice
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 No. Do you like your job? Yeah, what's the prob?
AverageJoe Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 What happens if you misread things, and she says you hit on her at work? Sexual harassment anyone? What if it doesnt work out, and you two still have to see each other often? How uncomfortable would that be? A simple call to human resources to the parent company from her and your toast. They take that kind of thing very seriously. But hey if those risks are worth your job, knock yourself out.
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 What happens if you misread things, and she says you hit on her at work? Sexual harassment anyone? What if it doesnt work out, and you two still have to see each other often? How uncomfortable would that be? A simple call to human resources to the parent company from her and your toast. They take that kind of thing very seriously. But hey if those risks are worth your job, knock yourself out. You may be right, well I wasn't gonna ask her all slobbering over her, just next time we're chatting, ask how her life is going up here, and if she fancied a beer after work, just two work mates going out really, see how it went. Maybe I have mis-read the signs...
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I have heard of some grossly unfair perversions of corporate sexual harrassment policy, but have never heard of anyone being fired or even disciplined for asking out an infrequent coworker -once- on a date, where there is no power imbalance in the relationship and where there is no explicit outright prohibition of any employee dating (a provision almost never seen in an employee handbook... in the U.S. anyway). Is it a good idea to date people with whom one works every day? No. Is OP even remotely likely to suffer consequences for asking this girl out once? No... unless there is that express provision in the handbook or in some other policy document that has been provided to OP.
carhill Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Girl at work, ask out or not? Stop talking and get busy. Do it today.
AverageJoe Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 How many people do you know meerkat? I think the population (here in the US) is somewhere around 300 million. It only takes once. If I like my job, that risk is not worth it. He knows nothing of this girl. Half of those 300 million are female. I think I would take my chances outside of work. Again, if that risk is worth it to you, have at it.
meerkat stew Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 How many people do you know meerkat? I think the population (here in the US) is somewhere around 300 million. True, I only know 250,000,000 of those 300,000,000 personally, and there's no accounting for what those other 50,000,000 are likely to do Look, you can say the same about anyone asking anyone out on a date anywhere, or socializing with anyone in any way, there's no such thing as absolute protection against false or trumped up accusations coming from anywhere one could imagine in any scenario or situation at any time. It's just something we all deal with, a risk we all assume. IMO, OP's risk exposure is slight and acceptable in this situation.
AverageJoe Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Look, you can say the same about anyone asking anyone out on a date anywhere, or socializing with anyone in any way, there's no such thing as absolute protection against false or trumped up accusations coming from anywhere one could imagine in any scenario or situation at any time. It's just something we all deal with, a risk we all assume. This is true. However, the question at hand is in regards to the work environment. So look at it like this CB. You have a 50/50 chance of losing your job.
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 This is true. However, the question at hand is in regards to the work environment. So look at it like this CB. You have a 50/50 chance of losing your job. Seems a bit paranoid to me, I've never heard of anyone losing their job for asking a co-worker for an after-work drink.
dispatch3d Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hey guys, I've been a bit out of the dating/girlfriend loop for about 2 years now, mainly because I went through a pretty bad, abusive relationship that put me off for a while and knocked my self-confidence badly. I feel I might be coming out of my dark place finally though, I have a generally happy life again now, I've noticed I've even been getting some female attention again lately, nothing major, just a few smiles and flirty comments off a few ladies, which hasn't happened for a while, maybe I'm appearing different somehow. Anyway, a new girl started at work a couple of months ago, I don't see her all the time, just do work there a couple of times a month, I first noticed she was smiling at me a lot, and always makes a point of saying hi to me when I come in, I just kinda got the vibe that she is into me. Last week there was just a few of us left in the office and I wanted to get something off a computer, she said I could use hers, and she had my facebook profile up, and realised I saw, looked a bit embarrassed and said she was just looking me up. I added her on facebook next day after that. When we talk, she plays with her hair, runs her fingers through it etc. all the body language seems to suggest she likes me I suppose. So yeah I kinda get the vibe she likes me, I'm so out of practise though, I just hope I haven't mis-read stuff. Anyway, she's new to the area and was complaining on facebook the other day that she doesn't really know many people so had a pretty boring weekend, and was even thinking of going to a cinema/bar alone. I am thinking of asking her out this week, but I'm pretty nervous, which is strange, a few years ago I'd have done it no probs, but now I feel like a fish out of water lol. Maybe asking to cinema or something, or drink after work one evening. Just kinda wanted to get people's views really. don't do a movie. I'm a little concerned you're looking at this situation as a black/white thing. This scenario is what I'm worried about (her point of view). I'm a chick named lisa! I work at blablabla for the last two months and occasionally noticed this guy Ted. He seemed okay and I'd say hi once in a while. One day I noticed his facebook open and he immediately add me (like the next day!). Then one day later, out of the blue considering I've talked at the longest 5 minutes with this guy, he asks me out to a movie. Why does he even want to date me? I'll probably just put this off, dating at work is dangerous! My point being, there's a few steps inbetween here you likely want to do, especially since you see her EVERY DAY. You don't have to slam from 1st (saying hi occasionally), into 5th (asking her out on a date). In other words, I'd want to have a couple 20-30 minute conversations with her that are pretty positive, establish something cool about her/common interest/etc. that you like, then suggest you should go do that sometime. The cool thing can't be looks/physical-related! Also being that it's a work situation I'd want some plausible deniability that you are hitting on someone else at most times. Hope this helps!
dispatch3d Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 True, I only know 250,000,000 of those 300,000,000 personally, and there's no accounting for what those other 50,000,000 are likely to do Look, you can say the same about anyone asking anyone out on a date anywhere, or socializing with anyone in any way, there's no such thing as absolute protection against false or trumped up accusations coming from anywhere one could imagine in any scenario or situation at any time. It's just something we all deal with, a risk we all assume. IMO, OP's risk exposure is slight and acceptable in this situation. No, you can't. Because at work she can claim "sexual harassement". Ie. she can go tell on you! That can't happen ANYWHERE else. Word could also get around work that you are awkwardly hitting on women. Which is why I'd want to be indirect with this one. Inviting her to go for some drinks on a friday with you and some other co-workers is probably what I would go for. Then continue things there. There's a limited amount of stuff you can do in the work environment (like you can't directly tell her she's hot, or a lot of fun, or whatever as easily).
Recommended Posts