Arasae Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Hey everyone, So I started dating my guy like a month and a half ago. Everything was going great; he's sweet, attentive, attractive/attracted to me, very intelligent, incredibly loyal, everything that I feel like I should want... But I'm just not feeling it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm with him all the time, I enjoy his company, and yet.. there's so much empty space. I feel like I do a lot of the talking.. it's like 75% me, 25% him. When he does talk, we have great conversations and I really enjoy it, but a lot of the time, there's this silence when I'll ask what he's thinking, and he always says "nothing". I've been feeling this discord for awhile.. he's the type of person who would probably stick by me no matter what, but.. I feel bored. Everything we do, we do because I want to do it. I keep trying to have him make a decision, but he flat-out won't. We went to the Renaissance Festival, he followed me wherever I went and showed no interest in anything at all. It's really bothering me. We had our first fight the other day, and it was because I don't agree with his ideas about fashion. I thought we were having a playful banter conversation, because I don't care if he owns a 200 dollar pair of shoes, I just think it's funny. But instead of having sex, he told me we had to talk and that it really bothered him that I'm "just like everyone else" regarding that, that he's so used to me being "different" and so "in-tune" with him that he was really having a hard time taking that I don't seem to get his fashion. Seriously. I've been feeling this discord for about a week now.. at first, I thought I could grow to love him, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Sometimes, I feel really close to him, but it's almost always after a glass of wine or two. On top of that, this guy who is ALL WRONG FOR ME showed up randomly to the bar I was at last night and sat down and started telling me how much he wished we could date, that he wanted to kiss me, that the reason he didn't text me is because he'd been waiting for me to text him two months ago after we'd hooked up, etc. It felt like a lot of well-crafted bull****, which was fine, and I kept my distance, but.. It really bothers me that I'm still so attracted to him and heightened the fact that there is something intrinsically wrong with my current relationship, even though it all feels so shallow. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break my boy's heart. He always talks about how everyone always leaves and he'd really like someone to break that trend, but I don't know if I can be that someone. I respect him, I admire him, I think he's an amazing human being, but doesn't he deserve someone who loves him? Who isn't just hoping that someday, maybe, she'll love him? If I do have to break up with him eventually.. how can I do it without absolutely hurting him? =(
USMCHokie Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 First of all, you DO have to break up with him. Stop stringing him along in a relationship that you don't want to be in anymore. Second, you can't breakup with him without hurting him. I just don't understand why this is such a big deal for people. Breaking up sucks. There's no way around it...I mean it's not like winning the Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right...there's no prizes, no winner...it's not fun happy time...so stop making it seem like you can get away with leaving him without hurting him. Best way to do it...? Straight up...tell him that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore. If you DO respect him, then respect that he deserves and can handle the truth and that he will be ok even if you break his heart... This may sound slightly mean, but get over yourself...
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Break up now, your relationship isn't going to improve if you are having these feelings during what should be the honeymoon time. It sounds like your BF just doesn't have what it takes to keep you attracted. Whatever you do, break cleanly before starting up with someone else. When they say "they always leave me," there's always a really good reason for why that is the case.
Shakz Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 You're just very different people and while that doesn't mean you can't be happy together, it does mean that it will take alot of work on both your parts. Tell him gently but clearly where you stand. If he wants to make it work he will address it by telling you where he's at. Then you can start working together. Likely he's completely unaware there is a problem because he's already entered his comfort zone. If he shrugs it off then too bad for him. He doesn't want to be happy. But you have the right to be.
Buzz89 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I agree with Jaded Heart. He can potentially grow from the experience of breaking-up. You're attracted to a guy that is "all wrong" for you in part because he knows what he wants and is not scared to express it. Your boyfriend sounds like a "nice guy" ... I've been in his position before and was hurt badly but I've grown so much because she ended it with me. I'm no longer afraid to express what I want, won't play doormat, don't placate, but retain all of my good qualities. It sounds like his lack of leadership is killing your attraction for him.
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