EmptyPromises Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 my ex and i broke up in the beginning of june. i was heartbroken. i went away a couple of weeks later and met this guy through my sister. he was really nice ( even a little too nice). anyway, we wound up hooking up the entire week i was away(sex included). for me, i think i was just looking for someone to rebound with. during our week away, he found out i wanted to go skydiving and asked me if i would go wtih him and his friends the following week. i said okay. so the week after we all went skydiving and he refused to let me pay. it kind of made me a little uncomfortable because thats alot of money. the weekend after that we hungout again. the only times we hooked up were when we were drunk. 2 weeks ago we hungout again, except this time i remained pretty sober. i started to notice how clingy he was all night. he literally would not get off me. hooking up with him was just awkward. all i could think about was my ex. a few days later my ex called me wanting me back. he pursued me for a week and i finally agreed to hangout with him. we had an amazing time and i realized i love my ex and am not that attracted to this new guy. but i know this new guy is really into me and i dont know how to tell him i either want to take it much slower and get to know him or that i just want to be friends til im over my ex. this weekend my family & friends are going away for the weekend and this new guy is going to be there. i dont know what to do, im very bad at telling a person no or feel guiity hurting people. any ideas?
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 this weekend my family & friends are going away for the weekend and this new guy is going to be there. i dont know what to do, im very bad at telling a person no or feel guiity hurting people. any ideas? Just tell him. There is no way to avoid hurting his feelings. Its like ripping off a bandaid... it only hurts for a moment. Also... you may want to tell your ex that you had another BF while you were on break. Just to clear the air. Oh... wait... maybe you could send Mr.Clingy a singing breakup telegram! I'm sure it would still hurt... but be awesome at the same time.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Oh please no telegrams, as if you need to rub it in his face. Just tell him straight out that you'd just recently broken up with your ex and you're not ready for anything serious. At least he can take the hint.
Sabali Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) There are two options here. Here is what you can do A. Call the guy up and say “I am sorry to tell you this but I just found out that I have 5 different STDS and may have given you 20 of them. He will be so distraught and completely freak out. Then you say “I was just kidding but what I really want to tell you is that I cannot date you anymore because I am still in love with my ex and we’re getting back together.” He will be so relieved that you don’t actually have STDs that he will accept the ex thing with open arms. B. Sit him down and tell him down and tell him straight up that you can’t see him anymore because you are still in love with your ex and KNOW that you will only hurt him if you continue to see him. Also tell him that it wouldn’t be fair to your ex who wants to get back with you and who you love very much if you continued to see or communicate with him. The rebound guy should understand. If he gets clingy, you will have to cut all contact. I recommend B. Absolutely do not text him this! Be a lady and speak to him! He deserves that much since you have slept together and went on dates. Edited August 2, 2010 by Sabali
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 haha you guys are hysterical! the ex knows i was kind of seeing someone. he doesnt know we had sex. im not even sure i want to get back together with the ex. he didnt treat me like i wanted to and even cheated on me. im not sure i can trust him again. i just know my feelings for him are still strong and im not gonna settle for a guy im not really attracted to just to mend my broken heart. my ex knows were going to the same place this weekend and is freaking out a bit but i know i wont hook up with him if i dont want to. my ex is telling me he can treat me like gold and never hurt me again. im thinking of telling him ill give you another chance when you prove that to me. im not going to give him another chance and THEN have him prove it to me and take the chance of being hurt again. ive done that before and am not going to do it again.
Sabali Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 . my ex is telling me he can treat me like gold and never hurt me again. im thinking of telling him ill give you another chance when you prove that to me. im not going to give him another chance and THEN have him prove it to me and take the chance of being hurt again. ive done that before and am not going to do it again. Well, if you do decide to get back with your ex, letting him prove himself first is a better idea before committing to it. I am glad you will at least do this. Just let the rebound guy down well! Many many adults have not mastered the art of letting someone down well (one gender more than the other but I won't point fingers). Don't be a statistic!
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 thank you...i feel like this guy would be a great boyfriend. He's 25, Im 22...I feel like hes just rushing things and is looking to settle down and get married. Its kind of overwhelming. I'm going to ask him to just be friends right now til I'm over my ex because I don't want to hurt him. Maybe at a later time we can try a relationship. I just graduated college and feel like i still need to experience things. My ex still has another year at school and If i cant trust him i dont even want to waste my time. Im happy with my life right now and might even just choose to be single.
Sabali Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 thank you...i feel like this guy would be a great boyfriend. He's 25, Im 22...I feel like hes just rushing things and is looking to settle down and get married. Its kind of overwhelming. I'm going to ask him to just be friends right now til I'm over my ex because I don't want to hurt him. Maybe at a later time we can try a relationship. I just graduated college and feel like i still need to experience things. My ex still has another year at school and If i cant trust him i dont even want to waste my time. Im happy with my life right now and might even just choose to be single. Sounds like you have your $#!t together. Good for you! You refuse to be selfish and want to protect the rebound guy from harm. I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He probably was thinking that he had a girlfriend within his reach. He probably just got excited because he saw a woman who seems to have priorities straight and he was banging her and that he could have this woman all to himself. Hey, who wouldn't get excited over that? Oh, well, I guess all is fair in love and war. Don't forget to end it gracefully with spoken words and not typed ones.
crimsonmike Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 thank you...i feel like this guy would be a great boyfriend. He's 25, Im 22...I feel like hes just rushing things and is looking to settle down and get married. Its kind of overwhelming. I'm going to ask him to just be friends right now til I'm over my ex because I don't want to hurt him. Maybe at a later time we can try a relationship. I just graduated college and feel like i still need to experience things. My ex still has another year at school and If i cant trust him i dont even want to waste my time. Im happy with my life right now and might even just choose to be single. How typical.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 How typical? How so?? Your putting him in the friendzone. If you really want to be nice to the guy... either date him or dump him. Just out of curiosity... is he physically unattractive to you?
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 how can i dump someone im not going out with? Hell be in the friendzone no matter what...hes my sisters husband's best friend and he just seems like a guy that would be okay & mature with being friends. Yes, hes attractive.
Sabali Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Your putting him in the friendzone. If you really want to be nice to the guy... either date him or dump him. Just out of curiosity... is he physically unattractive to you? I think this is different. Most guys who get placed in the friendzone never even get to "tap it." The rebound got a chance to tap it so he wasn't immeditalely thrusted into the friendzone which he can take some consolation in. Additionally, as stated above, the friendzone is dreadful only if you never got a chance to hit it and there was no chance of hitting it. She is still considering something in the future and usually in the friendzone, there isn't any consideration. When there is consideration, magical things can happen. Finally, if it is not ok with the rebound guy to be friends for now then it would be bad but maybe he is willing to lurk in the background while dating other women. Since he is friends of the family, there will likely be more opportunities and drunken nights.I don't know, I say he has a good chance of seeing more of her. I would say he is orbiting the friendzone with a chance to escape its gravitational pull.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 who would have guessed that the ex is back to his old ways after i told the rebound i just wanted to be friends. i broke contact with the ex again but ugh i feel like a complete idiot...how did i fall for his charm again?
Knittress Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 who would have guessed that the ex is back to his old ways after i told the rebound i just wanted to be friends. i broke contact with the ex again but ugh i feel like a complete idiot...how did i fall for his charm again? We all do. That's why exes are better avoided. Don't try to be friends with someone if one of you has 'more than friend' feelings - it just isn't fair to either of you. On that note, I think you should steer clear of BOTH these guys.
Cracker Jack Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hopefully you won't fall for his crap again. It's understandable to do it once, but don't allow it to continue. At least you aren't stringing the other guy along.
RecordProducer Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 (edited) i dont know how to tell him i either want to take it much slower and get to know him or that i just want to be friends til im over my ex. Men are not that innocent. They use women all the time too. It's life and we gotta live it. Don't go back to your cheating ex! It never pays to forgive someone for humiliating you. We don't want those who run after us, but we don't want those who betray us either. The middle probably doesn't exist. So you can lookm for a challenege but not a challenege that can transmit STDs to you from cheating. Edited August 9, 2010 by RecordProducer
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Hopefully you won't fall for his crap again. It's understandable to do it once, but don't allow it to continue. At least you aren't stringing the other guy along. this isnt the first time that i fell for his charm again. he says the sweetest things to get me to talk to him. and then once he has me hes just an as*hole again. its like hes bipolar. before i ever meet up with him i think to myself "okay dont have sex with him, show him your serious" and then when i see him and im around him i cant help myself. theres just so much chemistry between us...and it winds up going back to square one. ugh im so miserable right now..it sucks when u love someone who doesnt feel the same way.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 i just bought the book "Why Men Love Bitches" maybe itll help me to stop being his doormat.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 lol i dont think the book means an actualy "b*tch" its just implying that men dont love women who are doormats
RecordProducer Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) I wouldn't want a man that loves bitches. Then switch to being a lesbian. Whether you like it or not, only bitches have men eating from their hand. That's unfortunate for many of us, I know. I am not saying the book is good, though. I've never read it and I think I browsed it once and disagreed that men lie to women about commitment all the time. The fact is, some men do (want to) commit, so the point is sort of moot. Edited August 13, 2010 by RecordProducer
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