8 month relationship...Am I too clingy?

[steve225]

So this is my first post here, and I guess I'm a little bit apprehensive about what I should and shouldn't write. Let me start from the beginning.

 

I've been dating this gorgeous, intelligent, funny, amazing girl for just over 8 months. Before then, I had a crush on her for about 4 months. It's safe to say that we're in love with each other, and we're both at the point where we're talking about the future, and we both acknowledged to each other that we want to spend our lives together (whether or not it's too early for that is not the problem here. This is how we feel.)

 

Lately I've been feeling like a crap boyfriend. I feel like I'm overprotective and clingy. Sometimes, whenever she's with a male friend, I start getting jealous. She has this friend who I will not name (mainly because I want to split his lip) who, I suspect, has been hitting on her and has feelings for her. He posts all this ridiculously emo crap on Facebook on a daily basis, and I think it's directed towards her. This evening, after he called me a fatty (which is the nickname I went by when I was bullied throughout primary school, high school and college), I snapped at him and in turn my girlfriend snapped at me. Now she's going to bed angry and I don't know what to do.

 

What does it say that she is being defensive of him? I feel like hell because I'm overprotective and clingy, but I pour out my entire heart and soul into this relationship. For instance, it's her birthday in a week and even though she told me not to spend lots of money on a present, I went out and bought her a white gold ring with diamonds on it (not an engagement ring, mind you). I'm a hopeless romantic.

 

This girl means everything to me. I love her with all my heart and when I look into my future I just see me and her, and I want it more than anything, even more than I want a career in music. I just don't know what to do right now! Can anyone share some advice with me?

 

Cheers,

 

Steve

[robdrm32]

Tough to say since you didn't clarify "snapping".

 

Did you get up yelling, screaming, and act crazy?

 

He was definitely out of line calling you fatty, and maybe you did react the wrong way (don't know, not enough info) and thats what pissed her off.

 

More details on yours and her reaction would be helpful.

 

She may have been defensive because you acted like a nut, even though you were right to be offended.

 

And frankly, if you don't want her spending time with other males alone, tell her that. You two have to decide on the boundaries in your relationship, nobody can say your right or wrong for being jealous when she is with other guys but thats how you feel. She can either choose to respect that by bringing you with her or not seeing them one on one anymore.

 

Either that or go your own ways.

[TuesGirl]

So here's the deal. It takes two people to 'tango'. So if you trust your girlfriend it doesn't matter who or how often a guy flirts with her, if she's not interested, she's not interested and no amount of emo postings will suddenly change her mind. Base your feelings toward this situation off of her actions/words. If she's a really pretty girl, she's getting hit on all the time...at the grocery store, at the mall, when she takes her car in for maintenence, etc You just happen to 'see' this guy flirting with her more often.

 

Also keep in mind if they were friends before you were around she's not going to suddenly drop him. Bc guess who's there for you when **** hits the fan in a relationship...your friends. I have a very good guy friend whom I have been friends with for 15 years. I always introduce him to guys I'm starting to date right away so they don't get suspicious and stupid about it and if the guy I am dating has a problem with our friendship it's a total dealbreaker. My friend has been there for me through thick and thin and at the end of the day I never give my boyfriend any reason to think that we have anything but a friendship.

 

Now, if she is giving you reason to suspect that SHE is flirty back or whatever, then that is another issue....Otherwise it's YOUR issue and you need to figure out a way to keep this from putting a wedge into your relationship.

[hopesndreams]

This evening, after he called me a fatty (which is the nickname I went by when I was bullied throughout primary school, high school and college), I snapped at him and in turn my girlfriend snapped at me. Now she's going to bed angry and I don't know what to do.

 

After something like this, the last thing you want to do is reward her with something spectacular. Return the ring.

 

If there is no communication and she is angry, you will need to start detaching. Only 8 months into a relationship and already you have a big problem. She doesn't cover your back. Yeah, it is kinda trivial with the "fatty" thing so why is she so angry about it? What would happen if something serious happened?

[meerkat stew]

It's very easy to tell real friends from "attention sources" and backburnered prospects when getting more serious with someone new. Tuesgirl pretty much lays out the formula.

 

Someone with a real friend will want to have their SO meet and also befriend that real friend. They will make the meeting happen, as opposed to just paying lip service like, "we should all get together sometime," or having something always pop up to prevent a planned meeting. Most real friends have been so for years, aren't mere drinking friends, and effort in real relationships run both ways. If your SO has friends who are constantly doing stuff for her that isn't reciprocated, those aren't real friends, just prospective suitors waiting for their chance. She's free to have as many of those as she likes, just not while in an exclusive relationship with you.

 

Step two is that if there is any third party associated with your SO other than an immediate family member, regardless of the stated nature of their relationship, who is actively attempting to damage or undermine your relationship repeatedly, they have to go, or you do, immediately, in no uncertain terms. May sound controlling or insecure, but it's your SO's job and not yours, to cull needless negative influences out of their life, and if they refuse, they aren't worth your time no matter how infatuated or in love you feel... it isn't being truly returned. If you had a friend who dissed your GF out of jealousy or whatever bad motive without reason, you'd dump that friend, right? Expect the same conduct from your SO.

 

This one doesn't apply in cases where you screw up, or are truly to blame for something, but rather in those situations where you know you haven't done anything wrong and some strife or drama keeps coming up seemingly from nowhere. It's almost always coming from a jealous or competitive third party. Spend time figuring who it is and get rid of them or get rid of your SO. Your relationship life will become much simpler, and you will not have to deal with some saboteur over and over for the rest of the relationship or even the rest of your life.