star_light13 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Hello, I found this site and thought it might be a good place to ask for advice. I had an issue come up recently with my boyfriend of 5 years. We are very close and respectful of eachother and try our best to communicate and sort out issues. In the last year I have begun selling clothing on ebay for extra income....mostly vintage and 50's themed clothing....sort of rockabilly/pin-up style. At first I just took pics of the clothing, then I moved on to getting a mannequin to display clothing which helped it sell...and recently in the last month I started modeling some of the clothing that was too big for or didn't look right on my mannequin since it seemed to help it sell better when it was on a person. I didn't even think to mention this to my boyfriend because I wasn't even thinking of the idea of other guys looking at it. I was only coming from the perspective of wanting to sell my items and thinking women would be looking for the clothing, swimwear, vintage lingerie. Well, my boyfriend knows me well and is very perceptive. He noticed that I had change the picture on my myspace page and figured out that I took it myself. This led him to ask me if I was taking pics for my ebay store...which I said yes. And then he asked if I was taking pics of myself in lingerie or swimwear. I couldn't lie and said I did have one swimsuit listed and I did list a slip and a romper.....I didn't mention I had a pair of pettipants too which I guess it considered lingerie. I didn't model underwear or bras (except I realize now that my bra was visible in one picture). I felt so awful that he felt bothered by this and thought I wanted to flaunt myself for other men or be a 'pinup model' or 'lingerie model'. He knows I collect vintage 50s memorabilia and pin-up art so he thought I wanted to be like the pin-up art I collect. And he was not comfortable with this idea and while he didn't want to control me he was just being honest that he didn't feel he could be with someone who did that. He couldn't handle it. He wishes he was like one of those guys who would like it or even want to take the pictures for me, but he is more reserved with these things and doesn't want other guys looking at me. Which I do understand because while I'm not too bothered by girls looking at him, I am bothered if he would look at other girls or even look at pornogrophy or anything. And he respects my wishes that he would never go to a strip club or look at pornogrophy, etc...so I feel like I should respect his wishes too. I guess when I think about it I didn't realize what I was doing and that anyone could see the pics...or that guys would be looking at the pics and I wouldn't really want them getting circulated. I feel torn on the issue because on one hand I love him and want to respect his wishes as I would hope he would respect mine, yet on the other hand it was a way for me I think to feel good about my body. I had suffered for years with eating disorders and never felt good about myself until this point in my life (I am 30 years old). So I think it was a liberating thing for me to feel confident enough in myself to post those pictures modeling my items. He wasn't really angry and didn't say anything bad. He just said he personally didn't feel comfortable with it and it also confused him because I tend to be kind of shy sexually. Or I have issues that I am working on in counseling and he thought that I didn't want to show him my body but wanted to show others. Which isn't true but I can see it from his perspective. He thought maybe I was changing my direction in life and he wanted to talk with me about it. He thought he didn't know me anymore cause it seemed out of my character. He said he has known girls who are like 'It's my body and I can do what I want with it'. This bothered me becuase I do feel like it is my body and I can do what I want with it. And he does acknowledge that too....that he doesn't want to control me. He is just being honest with how uncomfortable it makes him feel. I didn't want to lose our relationship over it but continued to talk with him. Especially the fact that I didn't see anything wrong with occasionally modeling a swimsuit and he had an issue with this. It came down to him saying I can do what I need to do if it is important to me. Basically that he tried to accept me modeling swimsuits...but I know he would not want me modeling lingerie. I feel confused about the whole thing and don't really know how important it is to me to do it or not. Obviously it must be important or I wouldn't be bothered. I think he is trying his best to accept it as much as he can, but I don't want to feel controlled or wrong or ashamed. It was a way for me to feel good about my body that I hadn't for my whole life. I know he doesn't want to control me or want me to not do it and then resent him for it. Any help, ideas suggestions would be so appreciated. Thanks so much, Sincerely, star
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