BBG Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 So I've told that I'm going to focus on revising today for the test which is tomorrow. He has been there to revise with me. When he got started, I was still on the computer. It was after awhile that I realized he went quiet and did not try to make a conversation with me. I wonder if it's my behavior of relaxing by being on the computer that upsets him. When I asked "Is there something wrong?", he kept quiet and ignored me. I know that I broke my promise but he knows that I play more than I do. So he should understand right? I will get to revision... eventually when I'm done. But was it necessary to just kept quiet and walk off on me? He left to the library in an angry manner.... still not a word from him. I thought it's only appropriate to follow him. However, it has been many times that he stomps off like that. I've grown tired of always being the one to apologize. I don't think I'm the only one wrong here. Right? Depressed and STILL NEED TO STUDY!!!!! *sigh*
USMCHokie Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Wat...? I don't think I totally understand what you're saying, but there seems to be a problem with communication between the two of you...rather than voice his issue with whatever you seem to be doing, or not doing, he'd rather just walk off...very passive aggressive behavior...he seems to think that the problem will magically go away if he makes a scene...and based on the sheer frequency of him doing this, it seems like he thinks it's working since you always seem to apologize every time he throws his little tantrum... If you are right, then don't apologize...let me throw his hissyfits...but there is a deeper communication problem that needs to be addressed...talk to him...
sugarmomma Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Don't let other people control you with their moods and attitudes. Keep the focus on you and your priorities since some people don't care how their behavior effects others.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Can you explain what you mean by revising? to me, it sounds like studying for a test, and you asked him to study with you, but instead you fooled around on the computer and left him to do the work himself? A little more clarity on the situation would be appreciated, thanks.
Author BBG Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I promised him to study today for the test which both of us will be taking. The test is tomorrow. He encouraged and said he'll study with me. But when we were suppose to study, I was still on the computer. That is why he started off first and kept quiet through out until his dramatic exit.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 So BBG, it sounds like you wanted him to study with you, but then you blew him off for fun on the computer. Just from the information you gave me, it sounds like he is justified and you should apologize for this. And frankly I can understand his wanting to walk off, when I get frustrated I do the same, as it allows me the chance to cool my head for bit before I talk about it. Chances are, that if you didn't allow him to walk off, his frustration with you could have led him to saying things that he either doesn't mean or his mouth runs faster then his brain. Give him the chance to cool off, then talk to him, ask why he left, why he is frustrated, and and any other questions you have. Sometimes a cool off period of a day or a couple hours can do wonders for a mans thoughts when he is frustrated. and it allows him to think more clearly and rationally when he speaks to you.
Author BBG Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I know it works like that but when I tried to talk to him, he is reluctant to share. It has always been the case. I don't know how to resolve.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I know it works like that but when I tried to talk to him, he is reluctant to share. It has always been the case. I don't know how to resolve. Don't despair, its a guy thing. I tend to get that way, luckily my GF if very stubborn, which makes our relationship great. You need to put your foot down, and say something like this. "I want to know whats the matter? If we don't resolve these issues our relationship is going to be a mess, so please tell me what it is that bothers you and I will see if I can change it". That usually works, but it also leaves you with an opening. After talking about that, you can ask for a more open communication policy, he can tell you what bothering him and you can try to fix it, and you can do the same. It works both ways, that way if you have an issue he can fix it. You need to remind him that communicating is part of dating, and sometimes that requires a firm stance.
Author BBG Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Am I too impatient? I've been doing that for a year. I still don't get why he has to keep his feelings to himself. I am persistent too but he'll say I'm annoying and shouts at me. When I kept quiet because he raised his voice, he says I'm always best at playing dead. And he will walk away again like he used to, spends his time with his friends (mostly girls). I told him I don't mind that he spends time with his female friends but sometimes when he chose them over me during fights, I just can't help but feel jealous.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Am I too impatient? I've been doing that for a year. I still don't get why he has to keep his feelings to himself. I am persistent too but he'll say I'm annoying and shouts at me. When I kept quiet because he raised his voice, he says I'm always best at playing dead. And he will walk away again like he used to, spends his time with his friends (mostly girls). I told him I don't mind that he spends time with his female friends but sometimes when he chose them over me during fights, I just can't help but feel jealous. Ok, this is new information. If you tried before and he gets angry and shouts, then perhaps you need to give him another ultimatum. Either communicate and try to make the relationship work, or dump him. Him shouting is out of bounds on this, and it could also be a sign that he is a potential abuser, I am not saying he is one now, but if he shouts often he could develop into one. Try one more time, but give him the choice, see how he reacts, then you can make your decision from there. I don't normally like to see relationships fail, I always root for them to work, especially considering my own past and experience, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Author BBG Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I'll try on this situation. Usually he just raised his voice. Never lasting more than 3 minutes. Thank you so much. I wouldn't want it to fail either.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Be sure to post here your results, As I would like to see how this goes.
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Whether in a relationship context or not, people don't like feeling they are giving their time in support of something as a favor to someone else, then seeing that the other person doesn't seem to care as much as they said they did about whatever the activity is. I get annoyed when anyone, friends, family, SO, asks me to help them, and I budget time to do so, then they dawdle around and waste my time instead of focusing on what they asked me to help with. After awhile, I will usually just take off with an excuse. Maybe this type of thing is what upset him. If I ask someone to spend their time helping me, I try to make sure that the time we spent is as productive as possible, because you never know what other activities someone put aside to help you. People don't like to feel that others don't value their time.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Whether in a relationship context or not, people don't like feeling they are giving their time in support of something as a favor to someone else, then seeing that the other person doesn't seem to care as much as they said they did about whatever the activity is. I get annoyed when anyone, friends, family, SO, asks me to help them, and I budget time to do so, then they dawdle around and waste my time instead of focusing on what they asked me to help with. After awhile, I will usually just take off with an excuse. Maybe this type of thing is what upset him. If I ask someone to spend their time helping me, I try to make sure that the time we spent is as productive as possible, because you never know what other activities someone put aside to help you. People don't like to feel that others don't value their time. I agree with you, I am not supporting what she did, cause as I said earlier she was in the wrong for asking him for one thing then not following through herself. But this now evolved beyond that, this has become about communication in general between them. I am hoping that they are able to get communication going so incidents like this don't happen again.
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