Marshmallow Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I've been 'seeing' this guy for almost 4 weeks now. Told him at the start that i wasn't looking for a relationship, he said the same. He then told me i was perfect for him, ruined him for other women and that he thinks he's falling for me but he said he knows i didn't want to hear it. We decided to take things slow, we both said we weren't going to sleep with anyone else. We slowed down a little, he then took me on an amazing date that turned from lunch into a road trip into dinner at a restaurant later that evening, no sex, infact we've seen eachother more times without having sex than with having sex. He's taken me places, we've had a laugh got on great, he texts me all the time. But when i confronted him about him saying that he was falling for me he started popping in conversation every time i've seen him that he doesn't want anything serious. Like he's reminding me he doesn't want anything serious. My friend works for him and he talks to her about me and asks about me alot, he gets worried about letting me down etc. He's even started to say to her that he's not after anything serious. She said it was weird because we basically have a relationship, seeing eachother having dates, not seeing anyone else etc and the way he asks her about etc, she said it was confusing. So personally, i quite like him, i don't mind taking it slow, wouldn't mind if it ended up in a relationship but i don't like confusion... is he trying to convince me he wants nothing serious or himself??? Also, is it wise for me to let him do the chasing, with him being so confusing i don't want to push him away.....let him do the chasing?
Author Marshmallow Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 He also said i remind him off his mum.... i have no idea how to take that...
kalikula Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 ??? You told him at the beginning you weren't looking for a relationship, maybe you should talk to him and tell him you actually wouldn't be opposed if you end up in a relationship. He's probably trying to protect himself--or he could really feel that way and has only hung out with you this much because he's afraid of commitment and never wants to end up in a full fledged official relationship. Either way you should have an HONEST, open talk about what you both want.
Author Marshmallow Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I have we agreed just to see what happens, take it slow. His behaviour is just confusing me
USMCHokie Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I've been 'seeing' this guy for almost 4 weeks now. Told him at the start that i wasn't looking for a relationship, he said the same. Then why were you two still seeing each other...? Just for fun casual times...? Or perhaps just an activity partner...? I'm honestly just curious why people continue to date with no intention of more...or put up this "wall" right off the bat...
Author Marshmallow Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I dunno, it's a first for me really! I don't usually get too involved with causal sex partners, but he wants to do things and we have a really good time together. Confusing, I think i might let him chase me, not put any pressure on him about what's going on. See what happens...
Lovelybird Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 probably he is confused too, and still remember your words--don't want a relationship, so he tries not to scare you away. you two are confusing each other
USMCHokie Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 you two are confusing each other Agreed. And it all started with this: Told him at the start that i wasn't looking for a relationship, he said the same. Did you say that because you weren't interested in a relationship with him? Or do you find yourself in a position in which you are undateable...that is, you can't actually do a relationship...?
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Take the opportunity at a quiet moment to speak up and perhaps say, "so we started not looking for a relationship or rushing into anything but perhaps it's time to rethink that a little. I don't know how you feel but if it is that you are having stronger feelings about him, say something like "you're really beginning to penetrate the barricades around my heart" or something suitably romantic. Remind him that you are not trying to pressure him into anything just that you're feeling more and more off balance trying to adhere to rules you don't know still apply quite as much. It sounds like he's into you and not just playing around or usually a guy would be more crid pro quo about taking you out. They'll be more sexually assertive if not aggressive. So, there's no substitute for directness. Ya just have to have some confidence that you can express yourself without cutting your own throat.
Author Marshmallow Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I gave him the impression i'm undateable, i have been for quite a long time too scared etc. Thankyou for the advice I think i'll casually say to him that he's growing on me and i enjoy spending time with him, nothing too pressured... just gets the message across.
USMCHokie Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I gave him the impression i'm undateable, i have been for quite a long time too scared etc. Thankyou for the advice I think i'll casually say to him that he's growing on me and i enjoy spending time with him, nothing too pressured... just gets the message across. You really might have to do this...I have a pretty strong feeling that he would love to be in a relationship with you...but he's scared that you'll run off if he appears too "eager" to have something more with you...he wants to appear all cool and collected just like you and keep things casual so he doesn't look desperate to you...he's just playing the game because it all started as a game...
Author Marshmallow Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I'm noticing slight digs in your responces, i'd just like to say no i don't do games, no i didn't expect to develop an attachment. I've successfully done the whole casual sex thing for a while with no upsets to anyone, i just didn't expect to have feelings for this one so i told him black and white no relationship before anything led anywhere because that is how i felt at the time. I like to be honest with people let them know where they stand and leave it to them to make a decision. Since then, he's broken down a few of my walls even though he said he didnt want a relationship either. So no,i was honest with him, now things have changed a little, so what thats life. I don't see this as a game, it's just the first time things have unexpectidly changed in this circumstance and i'm trying to weight up whats going on and the best approach to it. So no thankyou, this is not a game, no pointing a finger of blame!
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