PhillyDude Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Just had a first telephone conversation with a girl I met online and she just seemed very quiet for the most part and didn't question me as often as I questioned her. I was being a little playful and she laughed a little but I then found out she was talking to me in the dark while she was under her blanket. So I'm debating now should i even bother to meet because if someone is shy over the phone in the comfort of their own home then they would defintely be inside of a shell on a first date.
florence of suburbia Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Not necessarily. I'm less confident on the phone because I like to be able to read body language and facial expressions. I've learned to deal with it after working many jobs that require phone skills, but if I were talking to a potential romantic interest for the first time, I'd be nervous.
Mike B. Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Give the girl a break. She is obviously in high school. It's an awkward time in her life.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Aw, give her a chance. I wouldn't project such negativety. If she's shy or nervous, so be it. Meeting will at least give you the chance to know if your judgement is fair.
charasbb Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I personally HATE phone conversations and am very shy at first, but in person i'm totally different and way more outgoing. I just find it easier to talk in person, you get to read the other person's body language and it just feels more natural to me. I do have to say though, when I do talk on the phone I don't hide under my blanket in the dark, that's a bit strange. Give her a chance, go for a date that has the possibility of being short, just in case.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I could tell she was nervous because her response to most of my statements was "GOTCHA" WTF is "GOTCHA?-lol
Author PhillyDude Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I personally HATE phone conversations and am very shy at first, but in person i'm totally different and way more outgoing. I just find it easier to talk in person, you get to read the other person's body language and it just feels more natural to me. I do have to say though, when I do talk on the phone I don't hide under my blanket in the dark, that's a bit strange. Give her a chance, go for a date that has the possibility of being short, just in case. She was preparing to go to bed but why get under the blanket and turn out the lights if we are still on the phone? Anyone would fall asleep being under a blanket in the dark
kalikula Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 People who are shy need time to open to someone, it's easier to open up when you hang out with someone rather than talk on the phone!! If you don't understand shy people maybe you shouldn't bother going on a date with her then.
USMCHokie Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Eh...not an insta-dealbreaker...some people just aren't comfortable over the phone...especially if you've never met in person before...like others have said, there's so much non-verbal communication that goes back and forth during a face-to-face meeting that you just don't have over the phone... But the first phone conversation really should have lasted all of 2 minutes...you just call to set up the first date...there's no need for a full blown conversation with her on the phone this early on...
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I then found out she was talking to me in the dark while she was under her blanket. She could have a roommate in the same bedroom, what's the rent like in Philadelphia these days? Is she a college student? Just one possibility of many as to why someone would be quiet and seem unresponsive on a first phone call. Move towards meeting in person and away from the phone ASAP, generally a good idea anyway.
carhill Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 GOTCHA = I understand (in most cases IME) OP, everyone is different. Some people are shy in person; some are shy on the phone; some are anything but shy everywhere. If this doesn't get to in-person in a week or two, I'd let it go. Investing in cans on a string isn't productive for romantic relations.
BobSacamento Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 She was preparing to go to bed but why get under the blanket and turn out the lights if we are still on the phone? Anyone would fall asleep being under a blanket in the dark My question is - how did you find that out? Personally I don't really ask - "Hey, where are you sitting right now?" and I wouldn't divulge that fascinating info as well.
florence of suburbia Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 You're pretty critical of this girl already and you haven't even met her. With that attitude, it definitely won't work. I'd say if you can't chill and let things play out, don't pursue it.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 My question is - how did you find that out? Personally I don't really ask - "Hey, where are you sitting right now?" and I wouldn't divulge that fascinating info as well. I asked her because it has happened before and thought it was odd.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 You're pretty critical of this girl already and you haven't even met her. With that attitude, it definitely won't work. I'd say if you can't chill and let things play out, don't pursue it. For me it's all about the ending of a conversation. And her ending was kind of weak with the-"well I'm about to go to sleep" I will give it one more shot tomorrow at a earlier time
westrock Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 For me it's all about the ending of a conversation. And her ending was kind of weak with the-"well I'm about to go to sleep" What were you expecting? How was your ending?
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 For me it's all about the ending of a conversation. And her ending was kind of weak with the-"well I'm about to go to sleep" I will give it one more shot tomorrow at a earlier time Oh, good lord! She said she was about to go to sleep? What kind of effen sea donkey she must be, huh? Sounds like a pretty normal way to end a conversation with someone you don't yet know. What would have been preferable? "I bid thee farwell and say with all due revernce that we have pretty much concluded our conversation for now? I shall be retiring soon. Or, gotta take a shi+. Be in touch? Come on man, you're sounding like you just want out of this before it starts and that's OK. Why belittle her about it?
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Ugh this is why I never talk with online dudes on the phone before meeting. I am MUCH shyer on the phone. It's akward as hell.
carhill Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) OP, tip: When she says "I'm about to go to sleep", you say "sweet dreams honey, I'll be thinking of you". Those sheets moving won't be the cat I am MUCH shyer on the phone. It's akward as hell. Say you're talking to a friend or family member or a co-worker. Shy then? If no, sounds like familiarity overcomes shyness. When a guy you've gotten to 'know' through text/e-mail says he's going to call you, and does, you already have some familiarity. What is it about voice which triggers shyness? I'm asking because I was always, for years, shy about calling ladies, but, once on the phone, you couldn't shut me up. My block was the uncertainty of the initiation. Lack of confidence. Any thoughts on that? Edited August 2, 2010 by carhill
Author PhillyDude Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 What were you expecting? How was your ending? I tried to end it on a funny note by saying-"well I wlll call you a lot earlier tomorrow so you won't be under your blanket when we talk" She giggled a little but I will see what happens tomorrow.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Say you're talking to a friend or family member or a co-worker. Shy then? If no, sounds like familiarity overcomes shyness. When a guy you've gotten to 'know' through text/e-mail says he's going to call you, and does, you already have some familiarity. What is it about voice which triggers shyness? I'm asking because I was always, for years, shy about calling ladies, but, once on the phone, you couldn't shut me up. My block was the uncertainty of the initiation. Lack of confidence. Any thoughts on that? Yes, it comes down to insecurity. I worry that I will run of the things to say, I worry that I will come across as boring, I worry that the guy will be so turned off by my akwardness that we will never meet. Generally, I prefer to talk face to face even after I get to know someone.
carhill Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 So, with only the tone, inflection and content of your voice and spoken word, you worry, but those worries evaporate when your total physicality is in the dynamic. That's interesting. You don't worry about being boring or awkward then. I'm a bit surprised that someone as intelligent and articulate as you come across on the page would be worried about running out of things to say. Perhaps it's a matter of connecting to those thoughts and experiences and seeing their value as worthy of sharing; understanding that someone who likes you is *interested* in that stuff which, to you, might seem awkward and boring. Just throwing ideas out for consideration. I still fight the urge to question rather than share about myself (in person or over the phone) due to perceived value. Perhaps that explains why I've only started two threads on LS Anyway, to me, this all points to compatibility. With a compatible man, you should feel an aura of openness to your unique style and psychology; your interactions will just flow, without thought of perception, worry, awkwardness, or shyness. I call it 'the zone'. People around you can see it (or perceive it).
zengirl Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Just had a first telephone conversation with a girl I met online and she just seemed very quiet for the most part and didn't question me as often as I questioned her. I was being a little playful and she laughed a little but I then found out she was talking to me in the dark while she was under her blanket. So I'm debating now should i even bother to meet because if someone is shy over the phone in the comfort of their own home then they would defintely be inside of a shell on a first date. First telephone conversations with someone you've met online are awkward, but then again, so can the beginning of a first date be awkward. You don't want to get your hopes up. You don't really know the person at all and you haven't even seen the interaction factor. For me it's all about the ending of a conversation. And her ending was kind of weak with the-"well I'm about to go to sleep" I will give it one more shot tomorrow at a earlier time That's a pretty normal way to end a conversation. I consider myself a fairly outgoing, confident gal, but most of my conversations, even with people I know, end in some variation of "Well, I've got to go" (maybe with a "but I'll talk to you such-and-such"). I mean. . . don't people get off the phone because they've got to go sleep/do something/they're sick of talking on the phone/whatever. Then again, I'm not a phone person. What do I know?
purgatori Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Maybe she thought you were a jerk, and found your jerkishness off-putting. I know I did after reading your post.
BubbleFreak Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Phone phobia. I used to have it. Being judged so critically like how you are judging that girl on the phone is a big reason I had it.
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