Butterflying Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I had this guy reach out to me from a social networking site online. We sent a few emails and eventually exchanged phone numbers. The next day, we agreed to meet each other in person at a small cafe in the city. Well, he called me just before we were to meet and canceled. He said he was working late. It was a weekend. And he had previously told me that he didn't work weekends. But I didn't make a big deal. We rescheduled for the following weekend. Fortunately, we did meet each other this time. We chatted for three hours. The conversation was good. A few days later he called me (Monday) to schedule an official "date" with dinner, dancing, or something fun. My schedule for the week was completely free. I let him pick the day and time. He chose Friday at 6pm. I didn't hear from him for the entire week until Friday at 4pm. He sent me a text message to say the date was off because he was working late. By this time, I was already getting prepared to go out with him. I had spent the entire week looking forward to this date. I replied to his text by telling him I was disappointed. He should have notified me sooner. I told him because of this, I wouldn't be making anymore plans with him. Was this decision to never make plans with him again irrational? I know things happen. But considering that he has canceled two out of three dates we planed; I think it might be an indication of the type of person he is. I don't want to spend anymore time getting disappointed this way. This makes him appear unreliable to me. And that is very important. Mind you, after I told him that I would not make anymore plans with him, he changed his mind about canceling and asked if we could go out later, at 9pm instead. In this city, everything shuts down at 10pm or 11pm. The only place we could go is a club. Dinner was completely not an option. But this made him seem more flakey because I wondered why he hadn't suggested a later date in the first place rather than coldly canceling the whole date via text message. Even if I agreed to meet him later, I was in such a bad mood after he put me through all this. I just couldn't agree to that. I'm don't regret my decision to completely write him off for this. But I do wonder if it was irrational.
Serenitynow Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I know things happen. But considering that he has canceled two out of three dates we planed; I think it might be an indication of the type of person he is. Dont spend anymore time with him. He's either : juggling dates not that into you playing games to be more desirable or is honest, but just horrible at scheduling and keeping you informed I would not want to be with a person like that even if its all true. .
carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 But I do wonder if it was irrational. IMO, no. It sounds like you put all the pieces together in a rational manner and made a healthy decision *for you*. Set the standard now that men who cancel at the last minute don't get a second chance. Yes, that sounds harsh. That's OK. It's *your* standard. A man with sufficient interest and who has his life in order will meet it easily. Good luck
zengirl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Not irrational at all. If a man cancels 2 out of 3 early dates, 1 at the last minute, I'd do the same thing. It's one thing if you've been seeing someone for awhile and they're legitimately busy, and it's also another if the guy has an "on-call" career he's told you about (when I dated an ER doc briefly, he had to cancel on me sometimes at the last minute. . . but since that means he's getting vomited on and stitching people back together and stuff, and he legitimately warned me it could happen when he was on call. . . I didn't hold it against his character). If he's just canceling you at the last minute because he prioritizing something else ahead of the commitment he made, on a regular basis, in the beginning. . . I can't see any reason to go out with him again. I say good choice.
spookie Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Of course you're not being irrational. I'd be pissed if I was at home putting on makeup to go out only to have the dude text me the date was "off".
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