Soozee Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I admit that I have a weight problem - I weigh around 380 - but I've only had two guys try to ask me out in the last five years and they were both super-pervy, chubby-chasing fetishists who you couldn't even have a conversation with. Me and my vibrator have become really good friends, as you can imagine. Why can't a single normal guy look past my appearance and like me for who I am on the inside? I'm a kindhearted, fun, intelligent, outgoing, approachable woman. I am not slovenly. I'm very clean with meticulous grooming, I take long daily walks, I dress as stylishly as my size will allow, I have a pretty good job, and I'm working very hard on getting in shape (I've lost 40 pounds this past year.) I just don't understand what I have to do to find a normal relationship. Or am I expected to wait the few years it'll take for me to fit into a size 10? *EXASPERATED SIGH* FTR, I go out to plenty of places where one can meet single men, and I actively engage people in pleasant chitchat, so it's not like I live under a rock. I KNOW it's my weight that's the problem.
Jilly Bean Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I think you've already answered your own question... Do you ever approach overweight men and ask them out?
Cracker Jack Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 How old are you? And you could always ask a guy out if you're interested, too.
Author Soozee Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Well, in the last five years, I've met maybe a couple dozen men who I was interested in asking out (and a good number of those were not what anyone would call "average weight" but I liked them just fine). I would do things like suggest coffee sometime, and we'd trade numbers, but they never called me back, and if I called them they would give some lame excuse or just not pick up and not return my call. I'm mid-30s.
Mike B. Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 How you know it's your weight? Sounds like the typical story on this board even for an underweight person.
NoLove Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Appearances mean everything. If you saw a guy with his pants sagging to his knees and a backwards hat wearing a buttload of fake gold chains you would think ewww. Ofcourse its harder to change weight then it is to change clothes but thats the truth. Most guys dont find fat woman attractive and even when they do they dont want to be seen in public with them. The reason men dont ask you out is because most dont find you to be sexy and think that your just lazy. You could always ask out fatmen. But if i was in your position i would just live life while i lost weight. And dont lower your standards because your fat becaause then when u lose the weight your gonna end up hurting the person your with
Sanman Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 As others have stated, I think you know the answer to the question already. The truth is that most people will not look past your weight. While I will befriend anyone regardless of their physical appearance, one of the key factors in my selection of a date/mate is sexual attraction. The truth is that there are many wonderful people out there with great careers and a more attractive physical appearance. Soozee, I suggest you work on losing weight simply for yourself and your health, keep putting yourself out there, live your life, and remember that past experiences are not indicative of future ones. There are men out there that will overlook weight, I have a good friend who is one of them (and has a wonderful, but very heavy gf).
lso802 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 There's a book about an overweight woman who lost a lot of weight but with time. Pretty funny book. http://www.amazon.com/Shauna-Reid/e/B001JRWL8C/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_13?qid=1280626251&sr=1-13 Might be something you would enjoy reading and get some perspective.
Blade Runner Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 When it comes to dating, the term "shallow" gets thrown around a lot. But it's a BS term for people to chuck around as if they're not "shallow" themselves. It's a word that shouldn't be used. It kind of implies that because one has specific ideas about what they find beautiful or attractive, it makes them a bad person for it. We all have our preferences, and attraction is a big part of dating no matter what anyone says. As the other posters pointed out, there are of course other issues, but let's get real - weight is a problem. Guys easily look past other problems on women. But when it comes to weight there are a lot of guys out there (myself included) who just won't be too interested in dating a larger woman. I'm a very skinny guy, so it makes sense for me. There will be guys out there who will go for larger women. I've seen plenty of average joe's out and about on the streets with large women. These guys obviously have some kind of connection. And that's fine. But is that all you want? To wait for some guy to "look past your weight" and settle down with you? Come on. Personally, if I were you, I'd keep losing that weight and make it the #1 priority in my life. Then the number of guys that would date you would increase hugely. There are a lot more guys willing to date someone slightly overweight than 380 pounds. The fact that you got down 40 in the last year is awesome. Keep going. Make it a priority. Of course that's just what I'd try and do. I've seen some pretty big transformations and I'm sure it would do nothing but open up your life to more oppertunities.
skydiveaddict Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 you need to lose weight. that's the whole answer to your problem. Put your mind to it and be dedicated and you can do it. I've seen it happen.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I smell a troll. Exactly and I don't know why Jaded Heart is targeting zengirl. She isn't fat. =/ She's never made a thread like this. What does she have to do with anything?
alexlakeman Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 You're fat... just like women are very visual, so are we...
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Exactly and I don't know why Jaded Heart is targeting zengirl. She isn't fat. =/ She's never made a thread like this. What does she have to do with anything? Because JH is a troll!
Angel1111 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I think you're being really naive about this. Being that much overweight simply isn't attractive. This isn't anything new. We would all like to think that appearance doesn't matter but you must know that 380 lbs is a serious problem, and most people are going to be turned off by it. They may like you as a person, but it doesn't encourage sexual attraction. Instead of wondering about why people can't see past your weight, ask yourself why you think they should, or why you choose to kid yourself about this. Even if you did have someone with you, being seriously overweight isn't natural to our bodies. You're putting incredible stress on every part of your body - your back, knees, heart, etc. Just keep up what you've been doing to lose the weight and be patient. You'll feel SO much better about yourself. The rest will fall in place.
shadowplay Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I admit that I have a weight problem - I weigh around 380 - but I've only had two guys try to ask me out in the last five years and they were both super-pervy, chubby-chasing fetishists who you couldn't even have a conversation with. Me and my vibrator have become really good friends, as you can imagine. Why can't a single normal guy look past my appearance and like me for who I am on the inside? I'm a kindhearted, fun, intelligent, outgoing, approachable woman. I am not slovenly. I'm very clean with meticulous grooming, I take long daily walks, I dress as stylishly as my size will allow, I have a pretty good job, and I'm working very hard on getting in shape (I've lost 40 pounds this past year.) I just don't understand what I have to do to find a normal relationship. Or am I expected to wait the few years it'll take for me to fit into a size 10? *EXASPERATED SIGH* FTR, I go out to plenty of places where one can meet single men, and I actively engage people in pleasant chitchat, so it's not like I live under a rock. I KNOW it's my weight that's the problem. Hey, the grass isn't always greener in thin land. I'm thin and also can count on one hand the number of times I've been asked out in five years.
zengirl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239651/ Zengirl seems to think telling people you can either lose weight and be happy or do nothing and mope is a bad thing. Let's say the OP had a chance to live with both of us for a year.. Do you think she'll get results with someone telling her 1). Oh don't worry you'll find someone who'll love you for yourself you just have to wait. You're beautiful inside that's what counts. *zengirl OR 2). You're fat here at 15 reasons why men don't like obese women. The good news is you have the power to change your own fate. I've seen first hand if you put hard work and commitment you're able to change your life and be happy. *JadedHeart It just irks me that girls like zengirl give such horrid advice. Besides she's a communist. Huh? Anyone with reading comprehension can see what I said in those threads had nothing to do with someone loving you for your beautiful insides. (Doesn't everyone want someone who loves their insides and outsides?) I even wrote I don't date large guys! Everyone has their shallow side, and that's just a fact. (I just think telling people that losing weight is some sort of easy solution for everyone is silly. Clearly, some people struggle to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight and it's not simply lack of motivation. I also don't think there's any use in being miserable or moping. . . ever.) Why do you keep bringing me up in random threads? (I'm also not actually a communist, though I don't really care if you call me one. Though if I were, I'm not sure how that'd impact my dating or diet advice.) Edited August 1, 2010 by zengirl
mortensorchid Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I feel for you, because I used to be overweight as well. I was not as heavy as you are, but I used to weigh 45 lbs more than I do now. Were you once thin? If so, you may notice (having once been fat and now thin again) that people treat you differently. It's something very subtle, we don't quite see it either before or after, unless you have a horrible bully who is pointing it out to you in so many words, but we realize it. Are we too preoccupied with looks? Yes we are. That's not going to change, which is a harsh fact. Take Elizabeth Taylor for example. If she had never done anything else after making the movie National Velvet, she would always be praised for that. And then, she got fat, and it was like she wasn't allowed to live anymore. Then she dropped the weight, and she was accepted again among the masses. The world isn't going to change, the fact is you have to change. This applies to many other things rather than your love life. I hope you find the strength to make this happen for you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Huh? Anyone with reading comprehension can see what I said in those threads had nothing to do with someone loving you for your beautiful insides. (Doesn't everyone want someone who loves their insides and outsides?) I even wrote I don't date large guys! Everyone has their shallow side, and that's just a fact. (I just think telling people that losing weight is some sort of easy solution for everyone is silly. Clearly, some people struggle to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight and it's not simply lack of motivation. I also don't think there's any use in being miserable or moping. . . ever.) Why do you keep bringing me up in random threads? (I'm also not actually a communist, though I don't really care if you call me one. Though if I were, I'm not sure how that'd impact my dating or diet advice.) Haha... I think he is flirting with you the only way he knows how. OP... when your that heavy in your mid-late 30's... you should think about gastric bypass before health problems start to be an issue. If you can control your diet some maybe latband would work well.
zengirl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I just ran 6 miles and spent an hour at the gym. What did the OP do? If you really want something bad enough, you'll do anything in your power to do it. I never claimed losing weight is going to be easy. You also make bogus claims such as, "... it's not simply lack of motivation." There goes your excuse making skills again. Now you're telling her it's not her fault for being fat. Don't don't worry sometimes people can't lose weight no matter how motivated you are. That's some grade A bull. With that kind of attitude she'll be fat forever. My old thread on 15 reasons is not random. It is completely relevant in this case. This will be my last message, because there is no point in arguing with you really (you can argue with yourself). Again, it comes down to reading comprehension. This is the random thread where you're bringing me up. I wasn't even writing in this thread, and you'd brought my name up 2 times. For the record, I have little advice to give the OP. I imagine being fat and discriminated against for it (which I'm sure she is; I'm not saying the dating is discrimination, exactly) and having trouble dating because of it is not fun. I just don't see any reason to berate people, give them random reasons they already know not to be fat (never met a larger gal or fellow who wanted to be fat), or act like everyone has an even playing field. I'd feel pretty condescending telling people they should just lose weight (as a thin person who hasn't been fat) so they can date. And I try to be empathetic as a human being and understand that everyone has their own struggles. And I find people who speak in ridiculous absolutes silly. To lose weight, most people who've struggled with it need encouragement and room to fail before they succeed. . . I don't think your attitude is helpful towards thin folks or larger folks. I'm empathetic for the OP, but I don't think weight is ever going to become a non-issue in dating. That said, I think drive by "Hey, fatty, lose weight!" things like your thread (which you've referenced above) are lame, impolite, and in bad taste and spirit.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Ha, you're a funny girl. WRONG It's actually the other way around. Dig through some old posts, she always seems to always post right after I do. Zengirl is usually reacting to something I say, I on the other hand am acting on my own to help the poster. Besides it's not nice to fill someone with hope... I'm not a girl... and methinks the gentleman doth protest too much.
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Don't engage the troll Zen, You've pissed someone off, and they are back with a new name to get under your skin.
zengirl Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Don't engage the troll Zen, You've pissed someone off, and they are back with a new name to get under your skin. Probably right.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I had weight problems all of my youth and have to work hard to not be heavy. When a guy sees a woman weighing 380, what's he to think? Well one thing is: where will it stop and how long might it be before you're 410 or 440 or more? People I think don't sit down and consciously think those things out objectively, it's just factored unconsciouly into nature. 380 is huge for a woman and if you're otherwise healthy perhaps you might consider the bariatric surgery rather than teetering away 10 years taking two steps forward and 1 or two backward. Sorry but I was 6'3" and 330 between ages 20 and 25. I didn't get anything but female friends on my job until I went down to 220. It's just how it is. But I'm a tall man and was evenly proportioned at 330, if I were 5'5 or something and added 50 lbs on top of that I wouldn't expect anyone to bother with me. It's amazing how popular one can bcome when the weight is gone and how quickly unpopular one can become if one backslides. Good luck and stay serious about getting visibly marketable.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I admit that I have a weight problem - I weigh around 380 - but I've only had two guys try to ask me out in the last five years and they were both super-pervy, chubby-chasing fetishists who you couldn't even have a conversation with. Me and my vibrator have become really good friends, as you can imagine. Why can't a single normal guy look past my appearance and like me for who I am on the inside? I'm a kindhearted, fun, intelligent, outgoing, approachable woman. I am not slovenly. I'm very clean with meticulous grooming, I take long daily walks, I dress as stylishly as my size will allow, I have a pretty good job, and I'm working very hard on getting in shape (I've lost 40 pounds this past year.) I just don't understand what I have to do to find a normal relationship. Or am I expected to wait the few years it'll take for me to fit into a size 10? *EXASPERATED SIGH* FTR, I go out to plenty of places where one can meet single men, and I actively engage people in pleasant chitchat, so it's not like I live under a rock. I KNOW it's my weight that's the problem. Ok why not ill take a stab at this... 1st off Snozee im also a overweight women what we must realize is that if we are going to allow our selves to be a minority then we also have to except the fact that there may be less opportunity's then the majority may have sad but true thats just life! As the majority of men just are not attracted to bigger women and thats fine to each his own don't take it personalty what you have to do then is try to find the nitch your looking for. Lets face it a gay person goes to a gay bar/club to find a mate. Being overweight is the same its not impossible to find a guy do you realize there are bbw dating sites? and bbw get togethers heck even bbw night clubs depending on the area your in. Thats what you need to be focouseing your attentions on instead of trying to get matches in places were guys arnt genially looking for bbws. Ok I think that about covers what im trying to get across as I said before im a overweight person and ive never had probs finding dates/bfs if you like feel free to PM me and I can help you find some good places to get you started..
Recommended Posts