Author tigressA Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 I doubt he'll contact me, like I said in prior posts. I'm pretty convinced it's over now. I didn't even expect him to respond to the email I sent. Whatever happens from here on out I'll be fine. I knew there was a high risk of him completely blowing me off (by not responding at all), and that there still is a high risk of him blowing me off (by not staying in touch like he said he would). And for all that I put in that email, I wonder if I would've been able to say it to him over the phone, or to his face. I doubt it.
Author tigressA Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) I've decided to completely end things with C. No contact. I deleted all his contact info, and blocked him wherever I could. I had a pretty strong feeling initially that the last email he sent me was a lie to keep me on the hook for his own ego (he is pretty insecure), and after re-reading it and some of the posts here, I've come to the conclusion that cutting things off right here, and for good, is best. I had to admit to myself that the only reason I thought I really liked him was because of the sex. We never truly got along anytime other than during the act itself, and I'd be a fool to continue thinking otherwise. It'd be a total waste of my time and effort. I never really had a whole lot of fun with him, not like with past guys I dated; I was always nervous and uptight. Things just didn't flow naturally. In any case, this situation did help me a lot in learning how to open up. I don't regret it at all. What I would regret is wasting another minute staying in it, so I won't. I'm feeling a little residual loneliness, so I've planned a couple of weekend trips to see friends so I can get away. I have my room makeover that's far from finished, so am throwing myself into that. I'm looking at getting a bike so I can ride around the neighborhood (I miss biking) and am formulating a plan to get my driver's license, and a car. It's also nice to know that I certainly have no shortage of suitors. Two guys I previously dated reconnected with me, and a new one has popped up. I'm avoiding that scene for a little while though, until I am centered again. Oh, and a final note: I am officially considering a guy liking Nickelback a huge red flag. It is no longer a coincidence that the guys I dated who really like that band are tools. Edited August 4, 2010 by tigressA
carhill Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Tigress, I'm glad you resolved this, even if a bit painfully. I was a bit surprised at your perspective about 'getting along' as I perceived it a bit more globally than just in bed, but accepted. Sounds like you have some good goals. Hope they expand your possibilities in a healthy way
Author tigressA Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) Thanks Carhill It really wasn't painful at all, and it still isn't. Feeling lonely at times is easy to resolve. Sending that email made me feel really good, overall. I especially considered Jilly's post in making the choice I did. It would be a very toxic situation to stay in. As far as 'getting along' I may have made it seem like more of a bed of roses than it really was. It was part of convincing myself. There were plenty of incidents where voices were raised in frustration/anger; every time we were together there was some sort of conflict. It's clear to me now that if I had stayed in this situation it likely would've wounded me deeply. He had a habit of twisting things around to make it look like I was the one who was always wrong, the one who was the root of all the conflict, and he was the victim, and I had to be the one to make it right. He never acknowledged when he was wrong. He also "kept score", sexually. He expected certain things in return just because he did certain things for me. I had had some slightly icky feelings before but didn't acknowledge/act on them until now. Thank goodness I did before any damage was done. Edited August 4, 2010 by tigressA
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