I think I messed up.

[zengirl]

I think it's over. I just saw that he defriended me on Facebook. I think it's over now.

 

Man, break up by Facebook. Weird. Did you guys actually have a talk?

[tigressA]

No, we didn't. I just saw that he wasn't in my friends list anymore and I felt really hurt. I searched for him but didn't find results that matched. I still had messages from him in my inbox, but I couldn't click on his picture box (which had no picture in it) to go to his profile. I think he might've blocked me! There's no way he deleted his profile, since comments from him on my photos and notes are still there. I just can't click on his name/there's no picture. I think he blocked me.

 

I called him in a sort of panic; he didn't answer, but called back when I was in the middle of leaving a voicemail. I asked him if he had deleted me from Facebook and he'd said no. Then again, I'd woken him up and he sounded super-sleepy so he might not have even totally understood what I asked him. But then my phone ran out of minutes and the call was cut off. Ughhhhhhhhh. :mad:

 

I thought of sending him an email but that seems a bit much. I'll just wait until later to put minutes on my phone and call him again. I can't wait for him to call; I set this stuff in motion, the ball's still in my court. Ugh, I am so worked up. Sleep might be pointless tonight. It has been so far. It's almost 4 A.M. here.

Edited August 1, 2010 by tigressA

[Els]

Err.

 

Firstly, I don't know about you, but Facebook bugs a lot for me on certain browsers. Meaning you don't get correct search/friend results, lots of empty profile pages, etc.

 

Secondly, I can't believe the big deal everyone is making out of this. Yeah, it was a little mistake on your part. But if someone breaks up with you over it without even giving you time to say something about it... either there was nothing much between you two to begin with, OR he's majorly overreactive. Both of which are pretty bad, worse than your behaviour that night.

[tigressA]

Err.

 

Firstly, I don't know about you, but Facebook bugs a lot for me on certain browsers. Meaning you don't get correct search/friend results, lots of empty profile pages, etc.

 

Secondly, I can't believe the big deal everyone is making out of this. Yeah, it was a little mistake on your part. But if someone breaks up with you over it without even giving you time to say something about it... either there was nothing much between you two to begin with, OR he's majorly overreactive. Both of which are pretty bad, worse than your behaviour that night.

 

I don't think it's a bug. I am convinced that he blocked me. He might've seen something that compounded his upset, though. I had a funny, sort-of sexual status update quoting one of my girl friends. One of my guy friends commented on it and we were having a little jokey thread chat between us. It got pretty hardcore flirtatious; I wasn't really thinking at the time, I was still really upset. It was all in fun but then I realized what C might think if he saw it, so I deleted it. I didn't realize he wasn't on my friends list until over an hour after I deleted it, so he likely saw it and got even more upset. On the other hand though, he did call me right back after I called him last night, even though it was really late. He could've ignored it completely, but he didn't.

 

I can't get minutes on my phone for another couple of days at least, but my boss let me use his phone to text C with the house number that he could call in the meantime if he wanted to talk. So now I'm just playing the waiting game. Staying busy. I shouldn't have even called last night, but I just caved.

[tigressA]

Now this sense of desperation has set in. I'm so disgusted with myself, all this vulnerability. I don't want to feel this way but it just keeps coming. I'm trying so hard to just stay busy and keep my mind off things but all I want to do is talk to him. He hasn't called yet and I wonder if he ever will. I'm trying hard to not cave and call him again, or try to contact him in any other way. I have an email draft I thought of sending him but I'm going to delete it; I don't want that temptation. I don't want to push. And I don't want him thinking that he has power over me through this either. I. will. not. cave. I. must. not. cave. I. will. not. cave.

Edited August 1, 2010 by tigressA

[Serenitynow]

Is this thread a good indication of how the average woman thinks and speculates, or is TigressA's case more of an extreme ?

 

.

[tigressA]

And what is that supposed to mean?

[Serenitynow]

You are laying out all your thoughts on here, giving insight to your thought process.

 

What I want to know, is do most women think the way you do, with second guessing everything, analyzing all the little details, fighting yourself over what to do next. . etc etc

 

Because most of them dont spill their thoughts on here as you do,

 

BUT is that because they are hiding their true thoughts, knowing they dont want to look obsessive, or too analytical,

 

OR

 

are you just above average on how far you go thinking about situations.

 

.

[tigressA]

I wouldn't know, Serenity. Obviously I can't speak for most women. I can only speak for myself.

 

Still struggling to not cave. I'm going over and over in my head the reasons why I shouldn't contact him.

[carhill]

Reading the OP's past threads, I always got a sense of balance. Sure, frustration sometimes, but overall a centered psyche.

 

I think this guy is one of those crazy-making people. I've had my share of women who are like that and the only way to deal with them is to be emotionally detached. Get invested and you climb on the crazy train. YMMV...

[tigressA]

I think you may be right about the crazy-making, Carhill. I'm trying to see both sides though. We were both wrong, and I do still want to apologize for the wrong that I did. I think that if we talk about it then we can work it out. But he has to want to talk to me, and I can't make him want to talk to me. That has to be his choice. The ball is in his court now.

[carhill]

Tip: If you feel or begin to feel out of sorts with your natural emotional setpoint, and this occurs when engaged in a dynamic with another person, IMO, it bears scrutiny. Think of all the healthy loving relationships you have with family and friends and compare your setpoint in those circumstances to this circumstance. Healthy romantic love enhances an already positive emotional state. It can feel 'giddy' but giddy in a positive way as opposed to an uncertain/anxious and/or negative way.

 

After reflecting upon the resolution to such a relationship which had haunted me for decades, I found the explanation to be surprisingly simple, and it has benefitted me in interpersonal interactions (dating) since being separated. It was really good information.

 

Time will tell what and where the path will be. You can't force the path to move, rather choose to walk it or not. Hope it works out

[CLC2008]

I'm not taking sides.

 

But, there is something about this guy, I distrust.

 

It's really hard to say, because I only hear (read) one side of the story, but that's my initial gutt feeling on the matter.

[tigressA]

Most of the time I've been feeling giddy in a positive way. This situation, however, is making me anxious. Very. Part of me says to just say goodbye now, with no word, that his spontaneous blocking of me on Facebook speaks to a great amount of immaturity at 27 years of age and that I shouldn't want to deal with that under any circumstances. However, I can see his side, since I've practiced impulsiveness to that degree several times before, when I had less of a right to be upset than he did in this situation. And it's that understanding which is making me want to just talk things out with him.

 

I think that if I call him and he doesn't answer, and doesn't call me back within a reasonable amount of time, I will drive myself even more crazy than if I just didn't call. It sucks when someone you really want to talk to doesn't respond to your efforts, and you tend to assume the worst--that they want nothing more to do with you, when it could be just that they're not ready or something.

[remorseful1980]

That was such a good tip carhill. I'm saving it.

 

TigressA, we are in the same situation wherein we're in the wrong and acted like children instead of communicating properly. I behaved in a desperate manner for two days to get him back and realized contacting him and apologizing over and over just made me remind him all my wrong-doings. During our break-up talk I promised I will change. He doesn't believe it could happen. Over time, maybe.

 

I think you should apologize but keep it simple. No excuses, no promises. Just admit that you were in the wrong. And leave him alone for awhile.

[Crazy Magnet]

You are laying out all your thoughts on here, giving insight to your thought process.

 

What I want to know, is do most women think the way you do, with second guessing everything, analyzing all the little details, fighting yourself over what to do next. . etc etc

Because most of them dont spill their thoughts on here as you do,

 

BUT is that because they are hiding their true thoughts, knowing they dont want to look obsessive, or too analytical,

 

OR

 

are you just above average on how far you go thinking about situations.

 

.

 

I do all of these things. I didn't do these things until the exH screwed me up in the head. Now I've learned to talk about it rather than keep it all inside.

 

LS helps too. lol

[tigressA]

My online pen-pal has been incredibly insightful. He said:

 

"That's what i would have done, make you sit in it and feel badly, until in desperation you contact me and then i would take advantage of that and make you feel like you let me down, that i was the victim in all of this because i simply like you too much and care too much. Then maybe something like remind you of how great things are when they are great, and reassure you that we can work together to make that happen, but that you have to meet me halfway and stop reacting so extremely. I also wouldn't acknowledge my blocking you on facebook as an extreme reaction and say i did it for your own good because i didn't trust myself to be calm enough and needing to remove myself from the situation. Then last, but not least, i would repeat the same behavior again and again... maybe a few days apart... but the arguments would be the same, and no matter how many times you tell me or show me you let me in, or how much you say you care about me or like me or whatever else... it would never be enough to make me feel complete...interesting. I wonder if he is like me. well, or like i was. My ex took it for 5 years, she thought she could handle it and change me, keep the right distance and knew i was good underneath and believed she could release me, teach me how to care about someone other than myself.She got her **** thoroughly destroyed... she had no idea what she was up against."

 

 

And he asked me these questions: How often does C drink? how much?

Does he use other drugs recreationally? Did he used to and stop because of work? How does he behave with money? (My online pen-pal used to be really into drugs/drinking, but he's been clean for over a year and is in NA).

 

The more I listen to him, the more I think I should dodge this bullet. C does drink fairly often, a LOT more than I do (I'd say I drink once a month on average, mostly less, and I have a low tolerance so I'm out after two). I think he has one or two beers a day, and I do know he's had blackout episodes. More than that, he likes having that happen, and the idea of ever being blackout drunk scares me to death. I've never even been hung over. He smokes--I can't quantify exactly how much, but if I had to guess I'd say it's less than a pack a day. I've never tried cigarettes. I doubt he uses other drugs. He seems to be pretty responsible with money.

Edited August 1, 2010 by tigressA

[tigressA]

My friend who I had tagged in what became the flirtatious status update thread I had deleted from Facebook said she thinks C was justified in blocking me upon seeing that. She said she had read all the comments through the notification emails she received as a result of being tagged. She said, "Even if it was in jest, you made it clear that you have trust issues, and then you go and publicly flirt with another man! If you wanted to flirt, it should've been private. It doesn't matter that you were upset; that doesn't justify what you did. Stop rationalizing and take responsibility. I would've done the same exact thing if I had been in C's position. I would be pissed."

 

So now one of my best friends has taken his side over what I was thinking was an immature overreaction. And honestly, if the situation had been reversed, I would've been extremely pissed off too. Likely enough to block him.

[carhill]

So, imagine a man who doesn't read Facebook, rather prefers to press flesh as a way of interacting with the world of people around him. Would your 'flirtation' have affected him? Would he be compatible? Why?

[threebyfate]

Don't cave tigress. Like I've said before, this guy is a control freak who has some understanding of what makes you tick so he uses it, rather than working to strengthen the framework of a two-way relationship.

[tigressA]

So, imagine a man who doesn't read Facebook, rather prefers to press flesh as a way of interacting with the world of people around him. Would your 'flirtation' have affected him? Would he be compatible? Why?

 

Well, I guess it wouldn't have affected him, since he wouldn't have seen it. If we had been out together and I flirted with someone else, and he saw/heard it, then yeah, I can also understand getting upset in that situation. I would be too, in either case--virtual or real. I honestly just did not think of the consequences when I was doing that. I was thinking of my own feelings. I did end up deleting the thread, but only after it had been up for a couple of hours and another friend who had seen it suggested deleting it.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I'm sorry Tigress but it kind of sounds like you guys argue too often. You know you behaved badly when he brought you home, but you weren't willing to call him and apologize right away. He had an hour drive before he would be with his friend. If you realized you made a mistake, why didn't you apologize? It seems you wanted to make him call you. Why?

 

I could be wrong, but I think there are a couple of things you are not being open about -

 

1. Did you really NOT think he would see your FB flirtation? Were you hoping to make him jealous or prompt him to contact you?

2. When he was asking you "what's wrong" and you replied "nothing," is that really the truth. Do you really not know why you were feeling nontalkative and sulky when you were in the one place you wanted to be - with him?

 

Also, if your phone disconnected when you called him in the middle of the night, he may have thought you hung up on him.

 

When you used your bosses phone to text him, did you apologize?

 

If the relationship has consisted of continual friction, he may have just had enough.

[tigressA]

I'm sorry Tigress but it kind of sounds like you guys argue too often. You know you behaved badly when he brought you home, but you weren't willing to call him and apologize right away. He had an hour drive before he would be with his friend. If you realized you made a mistake, why didn't you apologize? It seems you wanted to make him call you. Why?

 

I could be wrong, but I think there are a couple of things you are not being open about -

 

1. Did you really NOT think he would see your FB flirtation? Were you hoping to make him jealous or prompt him to contact you?

2. When he was asking you "what's wrong" and you replied "nothing," is that really the truth. Do you really not know why you were feeling nontalkative and sulky when you were in the one place you wanted to be - with him?

 

Also, if your phone disconnected when you called him in the middle of the night, he may have thought you hung up on him.

 

When you used your bosses phone to text him, did you apologize?

 

As for not calling him right away, I knew he was upset from the way he didn't say anything when we were in the car, and I wasn't going to possibly exacerbate that by calling him. He likely wouldn't have answered anyway.

 

1. I was not hoping to make him jealous or prompt him to contact me. Those things did not even cross my mind. I was only intent on lightening my mood and distracting myself from what had happened.

 

2. I wasn't being sulky. He asked me what was on my mind; I said "Nothing", which was a lie. I just didn't want to talk about it with him; it was pretty heavy stuff. I realize now that I should've just said "I've just got a lot on my mind, it's complicated and I think I can best handle it myself. I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay." But I'm so used to deflecting those kinds of questions with a little white lie like "Nothing".

 

When I sent him the text message I explained my phone had run out of minutes, and that if he wanted to talk there was another number he could call. I wasn't going to apologize through freaking text message.

[tigressA]

I'm done analyzing this. I'm straightening up my room, painting some more wall space, and having a Buffy marathon with a friend tonight. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, he doesn't.

 

Today it was like parade of the exes. The last two guys I dated before C both IMed me today after weeks of mutual silence. Strange. It was nice catching up, though.

[Pink Cupcakes]

I think if you are a cuddler and he is not, then that is a dealbreaker. It would be for me (I'm a cuddler).