carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Are you sure this guy isn't playing for the other team & trying to defect? Hmm....that's good. Pieces of the puzzle could match up with that. OP?
Sabali Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 With no doors? In that case, I'd just yell at your horses:p It is driven by unicorns, sweetie. The last of their kind.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Are you sure this guy isn't playing for the other team & trying to defect? Because I can't for the life of me figure out why a man would have sex with a woman then just stop of his own volition. Does he like to cuddle? Well we haven't stopped. We had sex last night. And again this morning. I don't think he's a fan of cuddling though. I've tried to snuggle up next to him a few times and he doesn't respond. Actually, I wonder if he thinks that every show of affection I make is an overture for sex. I wanted to talk to him about that but I felt I should get my thoughts on it completely together beforehand. I'm an affectionate person; I like to touch and kiss and cuddle and not have it all lead to sex every single time. I don't think he knows that though. I think he might have an impression of me in his mind as this ravaging sexual wild thing since I 'gave it up' on the first date.
carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 A man who is batting for the hetero team and willingly stops having sex with a woman he's attracted to understands completely the concept of physical affection without escalation to sex. It's necessarily part of the choice he makes. So, you have sex twice then he goes to see his friend and dumps you at home. I gotta say it; this guy is interplanetary. He ain't coming home for a while.
Sabali Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I think he might have an impression of me in his mind as this ravaging sexual wild thing since I 'gave it up' on the first date. Now this is very important information. When you give it up on the first date, and I understand that things happen, this absolutely and unquestionably must be followed by taking things very slow. That's the only way to rectify getting that caught up in lust on the first date. I won't go into why that is so crucial if you plan to pursue a long term relationship with a person you hopped into the sack with on the first date. maybe you realize this but unable to control yourself. I said it once and I will say it again, you just can't go wrong in a relationship by taking things slow. You can't. Things went very fast on that first date and it must be often followed by really slow movement subsequently. Slamming doors and arguments only weeks after first date sex is moving lightspeed. If I was him, I would be scared.
2sunny Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Well we haven't stopped. We had sex last night. And again this morning. I don't think he's a fan of cuddling though. I've tried to snuggle up next to him a few times and he doesn't respond. Actually, I wonder if he thinks that every show of affection I make is an overture for sex. I wanted to talk to him about that but I felt I should get my thoughts on it completely together beforehand. I'm an affectionate person; I like to touch and kiss and cuddle and not have it all lead to sex every single time. I don't think he knows that though. I think he might have an impression of me in his mind as this ravaging sexual wild thing since I 'gave it up' on the first date. IF you two communicate and work through this - stop having sex with him and see if he's still willing to make an effort to see you. the agenda could be for sex only. you will find out if it is by taking that out of the equation.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 A man who is batting for the hetero team and willingly stops having sex with a woman he's attracted to understands completely the concept of physical affection without escalation to sex. It's necessarily part of the choice he makes. So, you have sex twice then he goes to see his friend and dumps you at home. I gotta say it; this guy is interplanetary. He ain't coming home for a while. I really do not think that is the case. At all. Sure, he's not a fan of cuddling, but not every guy is. And we have been otherwise affectionate without it leading to sex. The times I mentioned happened to be soon after we were done having sex. I like to still kinda be all over the guy after it's over, while he just feels like sleeping. Zengirl, you hit the nail on your head with your post. It's pretty much what I was thinking when I was there today.
2sunny Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I'm a pretty big-time door slammer, too. I did it a lot when I was still living with my family. I guess I have yet to grow out of it. another thing to work on. a healthy man isn't going to put up with this behavior. no time like the present to find a healthier way of expressing anger.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) IF you two communicate and work through this - stop having sex with him and see if he's still willing to make an effort to see you. the agenda could be for sex only. you will find out if it is by taking that out of the equation. There have been a couple of times recently when we've met up and haven't had sex, or even come close to it. And not because of circumstances--in both cases we had plenty of time and an ideal location. He's never pressured me into it, and he never talks about it--when apart or together. No dirty/suggestive talk or anything. If he were seeing me only for sex I would know by now, and it would be over. Edited August 1, 2010 by tigressA
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I'm a pretty big-time door slammer, too. I did it a lot when I was still living with my family. I guess I have yet to grow out of it. Crap Tigress, I am 40- my door slamming isn't going anywhere until I am too frail to physically slam a door! I'll probably replace the "slam" with the word "ass-hole" when I am 80. maybe I'll reduce it to "dick" when I'm 90- less syllables = less energy spent. However, I used to be a screamer, yeller, name caller, when I got mad. I am past that. I've def left that behind me. As I said before, if the worst thing you do is slam a door when you get mad, you're okay.
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 BTW I have a bit of a temper and I am big time door slammer too. I do it with friends, bfs, family. I even slammed the door to my boss's office after an argument It happens, and as I said- we're not on the bad end as far as temper tantrums go. I assaulted my exH by throwing pot's, pan's, and stilleto's when I found out he got another woman pregnant. Talk about crazy- That's the last time I went down that road with a man.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) Crap Tigress, I am 40- my door slamming isn't going anywhere until I am too frail to physically slam a door! I'll probably replace the "slam" with the word "ass-hole" when I am 80. maybe I'll reduce it to "dick" when I'm 90- less syllables = less energy spent. However, I used to be a screamer, yeller, name caller, when I got mad. I am past that. I've def left that behind me. As I said before, if the worst thing you do is slam a door when you get mad, you're okay. I used to do all that too! And when I was alone in my room I would throw my clothes, shoes and books around, try to make as much noise as possible, crank up some really angry music and stomp the floor in time to the beat. Now my anger is pretty passive-aggressive. I'll just get silently huffy, really quiet. I won't say anything but I will have this "I will totally f*cking kill you if you say one f*cking word to me" look on my face. And if I'm really pissed, yes, I will slam a door or two. When I'm alone I'll crank up some music, but it'll just be to get my dance on. Angry dancing! I usually feel a lot better after that. I danced for almost an hour soon after I got back home, actually. Edited August 1, 2010 by tigressA
Woggle Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Have to agree.I can understand a teenager slamming a door because he/she didn't get their way But a grown man/woman.It seems so immature & childish to me;I mean slamming a door & huffing and puffing like some teenager who got grounded ? Personally,it would be such a huge red flag...just as a guy punching a wall would be for a woman. I agree. If a person is an adult then behave as one. I am known at work for staying calm under pressure because losing it will not solve anything.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Well, at this point I'm just assuming the "worst". It keeps my expectations low. I haven't heard from him, which is to be expected, and I've been laying low too. I'm resisting the strong urge to call him. I'm staying busy by hanging up all my clothes on these brand-new slimline hangers I bought the other day and having a Fiona Apple sing-along. If I don't hear from him by Monday should I contact him? Or just assume that it's over?
skydiveaddict Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 It's hard to say with you. You're tough to figure out
2sunny Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Well, at this point I'm just assuming the "worst". It keeps my expectations low. I haven't heard from him, which is to be expected, and I've been laying low too. I'm resisting the strong urge to call him. I'm staying busy by hanging up all my clothes on these brand-new slimline hangers I bought the other day and having a Fiona Apple sing-along. If I don't hear from him by Monday should I contact him? Or just assume that it's over? don't contact him unless you are completely willing to change... you need to find a way to deal with the anger. he has shown that he's not going to put up with that - why would he be willing to take it back if you're not a changed person?
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 don't contact him unless you are completely willing to change... you need to find a way to deal with the anger. he has shown that he's not going to put up with that - why would he be willing to take it back if you're not a changed person? I already said I am willing to change. So, since we've got that out of the way--should I contact him if I haven't heard from him by Monday? Or give it a few more days? I just kinda feel like it might be better if I let him come to me, even if it would take more than a couple of days. I don't know if he'd really be feeling better about it after a couple of days. But then if I wait for him longer than that he could read that as me being too stubborn to apologize or something. Gah. I don't know. I really don't know. It's possible, that since he has to be back at his place tomorrow and he would pass me on the way, that he'd want to stop by and talk. Should I agree to that if he suggests it or tell him it'd be best to wait another day?
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I agree. If a person is an adult then behave as one. I am known at work for staying calm under pressure because losing it will not solve anything. But you're also known on LS as being an irrational woman hater. You may control yourself physically, but you have dark secrets and unresolved hatred with regard to women in general that you've apparantly been able to hide from your wife. How is that healthy?
Woggle Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 But you're also known on LS as being an irrational woman hater. You may control yourself physically, but you have dark secrets and unresolved hatred with regard to women in general that you've apparantly been able to hide from your wife. How is that healthy? We all have our baggage and I vent in on here but I don't destroy a person's property when things don't go my way. I know I am harsh and blunt but I think I am right most of the time.
D-Lish Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Tigress, the fact that you're willing to consider that you need guidance is a step in the right direction. Good for you. I thought I was right about everything when I was your age.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Tigress, the fact that you're willing to consider that you need guidance is a step in the right direction. Good for you. I thought I was right about everything when I was your age. Thanks, D. And you've cheered me up a lot with your posts here; they're all really funny. :laugh: I feel a lot better. I'm glad I posted here before doing anything.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I went to spend last night and today with C at his new apartment. Things didn't go so well toward the end. Actually, I'd thought we were spending the entire weekend together, but things changed. He was kind of bombarded with calls from a friend of his who's doing pretty badly (a guy, btw) and he felt he should go see him. I offered to go with him so I could help, and I didn't want to go home early anyway, but he said no. I got a little huffy--like, hey, I thought this was OUR weekend--and we got into an argument. We hardly spoke on the drive back to my house. I got out of the car without even looking at him or saying goodbye; he didn't say anything or make a move either. I slammed his car door and the door of the house when I got in. And then I immediately regretted it. I almost ran back outside to say something before he pulled out but I didn't; I just watched him drive out from the living room window. I feel upset right now and I want to make it right...what do I do? Should I just let him come to me and then apologize? Should I approach him and apologize? I don't know. I don't know if you're talking about the same guy who wanted to shut down the old sex life you mentioned in another thread. If it is I suggested that that can be a sign of someone with active VD coming up with some BS conditional rationale to forstall sex any lesions or rashes dissapper (assuming it's not herpes which is incurable). If this is the same guy, it just seems like it could be another episode of trying not to be discovered and/or give you his STD. Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree or this is a different person. But like I said earlier, I smell something fishy with this dude's behavior.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I was talking to my online pen-pal, a guy friend of mine, about the situation. We talk about everything. He's Indian, like C, and he offered some insight... Me: last night it was a really long bubble bath by candlelight, drinking hpnotiq from champagne flutes, him singing songs to me in hindi. and then today it was just...agh. Me: it was really, really lovely. and it was all his idea. Friend: yeah man we come up with some good stuff guys in general but indian guys, have the benefit of BIG TIME sappy movies that we are raised on teach us all these fun tricks and then we add our own sexual twists, and everyone has a good time unfortunately, we never learn the part about having healthy, accepting, tolerant, patient relationships and the needs for affection and or space are always pushing and pulling us. it's difficult to be emotionally intimate because we can be so emotionally/mentally/cognitively oblivious to our own needs also we tend to be RATHER narcissistic Me: yeah, that describes him well. actually it describes the last several guys I dated rather well too. Friend: some of us change and get better some of us dont it takes a lot of work honesty open-mindedness, willingness, humility and desperation i had to fall VERY hard before i realized the role i played oh wellsthe good news is, it sounds like when its good, its great so enjoy it at its ups, and hope that the downs are few and far between
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I don't know if you're talking about the same guy who wanted to shut down the old sex life you mentioned in another thread. If it is I suggested that that can be a sign of someone with active VD coming up with some BS conditional rationale to forstall sex any lesions or rashes dissapper (assuming it's not herpes which is incurable). If this is the same guy, it just seems like it could be another episode of trying not to be discovered and/or give you his STD. Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree or this is a different person. But like I said earlier, I smell something fishy with this dude's behavior. No, it's the same person. You're just really barking up the wrong tree.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I think it's over. I just saw that he defriended me on Facebook. I think it's over now.
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