EyeAlone Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 After having a bunch of failed first dates, I came to realization that I think my problem is that I come off uninterested. I smile, laugh, and make conversation but I think that's about it. I've always struggled making eye contact. I don't make any physical gestures like touching an arm, etc. Basically I fail at flirting. I've been in relationships before but the guys already knew I was really interested when we first started dating. But now I'm trying online dating and every guy that I've gone on a first date with I've been genuinely interested in, but I think I'm doing a terrible job at conveying it. I'm a very shy girl so I consider it miraculous that I can even make conversation on a first date, but I don't think that's enough. I don't want to be overbearing but I need to learn how to give small signs of interest and flirt a little. Any advice? Thanks in advance!
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Physical Cues: *Hair flipping. I do this anyway, because it's just how I am, but lots of guys have pointed it out as a way they knew I was interested. My friends always tease me when I meet a new guy I like out and about; they're all, "Your hands are in your hair again." Maybe this is just me, though? *Eye contact. Pretty basic for showing interest (romantic or not) in anyone. I'd really work on this, if it's something you struggle with. It's pretty vital in most interpersonal connections, especially early on. *Touching them lightly. I don't mean being all over them, but touching their shoulder or something. Most guys who are into you will kind of nervously do the same thing, especially if you do first. Verbal Cues *Asking Questions Really, the best way to show interest in someone is to be interested in them. Ask them questions. And follow up questions. Of course, you have to sincerely want to know the answers. *Compliment I'm not talking about lathering it on, but if they say something interesting, don't just think, "Wow, that was really interesting." Say something about why it was interesting. And then ask another question! *"I had a great time." Really, anybody who's into you wants to hear you're enjoying the date, and affirming it at some point isn't going to turn anybody (who's interested) off. You really can come out and say, "I'm interested" by saying "Hey, you're fun" or something. . . however fits the date. I'm sure there are more ways.
Serenitynow Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I've always struggled making eye contact. Eye contact is key. I always make good eye contact. But some girls get nervous with it. I actually had a girl ask me " why do you keep looking right at my eyes"? I replied "Where else am I supposed to look" ? I'm a very shy girl so I consider it miraculous that I can even make conversation on a first date, Conversation can make or break a date. I've met girls that dont talk at all. You can tell they are excited in responding to my questions, but they dont initiate any conversation, they just sit there.
gamma1 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 After having a bunch of failed first dates, I came to realization that I think my problem is that I come off uninterested. I smile, laugh, and make conversation but I think that's about it. I've always struggled making eye contact. I don't make any physical gestures like touching an arm, etc. Basically I fail at flirting. I've been in relationships before but the guys already knew I was really interested when we first started dating. But now I'm trying online dating and every guy that I've gone on a first date with I've been genuinely interested in, but I think I'm doing a terrible job at conveying it. I'm a very shy girl so I consider it miraculous that I can even make conversation on a first date, but I don't think that's enough. I don't want to be overbearing but I need to learn how to give small signs of interest and flirt a little. Any advice? Thanks in advance! Smiling is very important and light touching or making it clear that it's ok for the man to touch you lightly. The end of the date is important too. Let the man know you can't for for him to call you.
sally4sara Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Lots of laughing and adding to conversation. Her body will be oriented to facing the person she is out on a date with. Shoulders and hips will generally be towards the person they are interacting with. Incidental touching.
MisUnderstanding Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I'm sure you get some thoughts going through your head of what you would like to do - like compliment him on his attire or something, or think he has interesting eyes, just say it, it's ok. And laugh at his jokes. As for physical flirting, if nothing natural comes up, find "something" in his hair and pretend to remove it, or flick something off his shoulder, or if you are in the movie theater, sit close enough just so your arms touch, be generally physically close to him. And like everyone else said, smile a lot.
Author EyeAlone Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) I'm sure you get some thoughts going through your head of what you would like to do - like compliment him on his attire or something, or think he has interesting eyes, just say it, it's ok. And laugh at his jokes. As for physical flirting, if nothing natural comes up, find "something" in his hair and pretend to remove it, or flick something off his shoulder, or if you are in the movie theater, sit close enough just so your arms touch, be generally physically close to him. And like everyone else said, smile a lot.This leads me to another question: how do I compliment his attire or something such as his eyes? I don't want to have verbal diarrhea and say what's going through my mind such as "WOW YOU'RE HOT." What's a more flirtatious yet eloquent and appropriate way of saying it? Edited August 2, 2010 by EyeAlone
2sure Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Physical Contact in almost anyway generally gets the idea that you are interested across to a man. Thats why it can be soo important to not accidentally start touching a guy you are not interested in , they get the wrong idea. I didnt make this rule, I'm just reporting it. The physical contact I am referring to is subtle: Touching his arm or shoulder when he says something amusing Touching the side of his face while you are talking and saying "You are really good looking." (or his hair, whatever) Taking his arm as you walk to the car. Thats it. If the second one is too difficult for you, simply sitting or walking close to him will let him know.
Author EyeAlone Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Physical Contact in almost anyway generally gets the idea that you are interested across to a man. Thats why it can be soo important to not accidentally start touching a guy you are not interested in , they get the wrong idea. I didnt make this rule, I'm just reporting it. The physical contact I am referring to is subtle: Touching his arm or shoulder when he says something amusing Touching the side of his face while you are talking and saying "You are really good looking." (or his hair, whatever) Taking his arm as you walk to the car. Thats it. If the second one is too difficult for you, simply sitting or walking close to him will let him know.I have another stupid question: what if you're sitting across the table from him and you're unable to touch his arm or shoulder without appearing extremely awkward? Sorry for all these questions but I'm so tired of messing this up!!
MisUnderstanding Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 This leads me to another question: how do I compliment his attire or something such as his eyes? I don't want to have verbal diarrhea and say what's going through my mind such as "WOW YOU'RE HOT." What's a more flirtatious yet eloquent and appropriate way of saying it? You don't need to have verbal diarrhea, say something simple like "Your eyes are very interesting", it'd also help if you stared right into them. Find something you actually like about the guy and tell him that. As for your other question, when you are at the table, lean forward towards him, this shows interest, look directly at him and be engaged in the conversation, again, smile. Sitting back, not looking at him, you might as well just yawn too, that shows you're just waiting for it to be over. It will become more natural for you once you actually start doing something. Just for a while you'll have to think about your actions more.
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I have another stupid question: what if you're sitting across the table from him and you're unable to touch his arm or shoulder without appearing extremely awkward? No sucha thing as stupid questions, as far as the "cross the table" thing, when you get to the place, say, "I really love to sit at the bar and eat (or drink), would that be ok?" provided the bar is not too crowded and loud. You are sitting next to each other then and well within light touching range. Problem solved.
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