Serenitynow Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) I wish I knew someone with a social psychology degree so they could give me more insight into this crazy online dating world. I'm 39 and this thread is focusing mostly on women 30-43 on my dating site. My suburb has a population of approx 40,000. When I do a search within 25 miles, there are not very many appealing candidates(not just looks, but also situation, job, etc) but when I extend my search 50 miles away or farther, the candidates become 100 times more appealing. I know they exist in my area, but they just arent on the site. I dont understand what is keeping the attractive women in my area off the site ? When you look/read the profiles in my area, you get a sense most of the women dont fit into the category where guys would hit on them a lot. There are many of them with no job, or going to school part time with no job, divorced, thinking of going back to school, have 3 or more kids, etc. Its like they are in limbo, with no plans for the future. The women an hour away mostly have careers with degrees, never married, are very upbeat, no kids, early 30's, looking to settle down. Its a total night and day difference. Now the first thing people are gonna say is "move" or have a LTR. I am not complaining here about my chances. I am simply stating what I see, and dont understand why such a difference from town to town. Edited July 30, 2010 by Serenitynow
flying Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Is there only one dating site that you look at? There are sometimes quite different groups of people that choose one site or another.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Is there only one dating site that you look at? There are sometimes quite different groups of people that choose one site or another. That really has nothing to do with my thread. Your reply is implying I should look elsewhere instead of just 1 site. This thread is not about me. Its about the difference in people from 2 different towns. But of course I need to always repeat myself. Pretend I do not have a profile on the site, and I am simply making an observation. . Edited July 30, 2010 by Serenitynow
Sanman Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 The following is a gross overgeneralization: My guess is that extending your search area means moving closer or into a city/bigger metro area. Affluent single people tend to prefer to live in nicer areas with more culture/social activites. Those who are not settled and live in suburbs are generally there due to economic circumstances rather than because they prefer to live there. Hence the lack of opportunities. Are you sure the great women in your town aren't already taken?
Feelin Frisky Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 That really has nothing to do with my thread. Your reply is implying I should look elsewhere instead of just 1 site. This thread is not about me. Its about the difference in people from 2 different towns. But of course I need to always repeat myself. Pretend I do not have a profile on the site, and I am simply making an observation. . What the ____ kind of reply is that? That was very abrasive and contentious. You should expect people to ask questions that you haven't supplied obvious answers for. I don't think the person implied anything. But it's a reasonable question. Are you judging all possible other routes by your experience with one or not? If that's not what you intend YOUR thread to spur and that's the way you go about voicing what you do or don't, you probably don't have the temperment to date, period, much less on line. Sorry, but how about showing a little serenity now?
flying Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 What the ____ kind of reply is that? That was very abrasive and contentious. You should expect people to ask questions that you haven't supplied obvious answers for. I don't think the person implied anything. But it's a reasonable question. Are you judging all possible other routes by your experience with one or not? If that's not what you intend YOUR thread to spur and that's the way you go about voicing what you do or don't, you probably don't have the temperment to date, period, much less on line. Sorry, but how about showing a little serenity now? Thanks Frisky. Yeah, all I meant was that when I was in the online dating world, I was on several different sites, and honestly, on average the people on one site tended to be more attractive (at least to me) than on the others, although I was searching the same geographic area on all three. I wasn't sure whether they just happened to be more "my type" or what, but I suppose I was thinking that might be the case for you as well. That's all I meant, sorry you took offense Serenity.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 I didnt take offense. I simply stated that your reply had nothing to do with the topic of the thread. But its very normal on forums. And I expect people to not pay attention the first time around, its just a common trait for most people.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I wish I knew someone with a social psychology degree so they could give me more insight into this crazy online dating world. I have a fine arts degree (well, in writing, but it's still a BFA), but I've got a combined minor in marketing and applied sociology that's always served me well. FWIW. I'm 39 and this thread is focusing mostly on women 30-43 on my dating site. My suburb has a population of approx 40,000. When I do a search within 25 miles, there are not very many appealing candidates(not just looks, but also situation, job, etc) but when I extend my search 50 miles away or farther, the candidates become 100 times more appealing. I know they exist in my area, but they just arent on the site. As I recall, you live in Ohio. A suburb in Ohio? Well, I won't get into dissing Ohio too much because that's not nice, but basically: The farther away you get from a city or especially a cultural capital (and I'm not sure I'd consider anywhere in Ohio a cultural capital, sorry), the slimmer the pool of single people gets. If you happen to move to an area outside of that where the average "type" suits you, then you get lucky, but I think there is just a lot less variety (and lower numbers) in general. The candidates like that in your area are probably more likely to have ties to the community. In a big, cultural area, online dating is a great option because everybody knows there are always loads more people (even awesome people) out there than they'll ever meet, thus making all forms of online connection (online dating, meetups, finding roommates through Craigslist, etc) more appealing. In a smaller community, people rely more on "traditional" methods. Also, single people (if they can manage it for their work) are more likely to like the city and not want to retreat too far away from whatever their nearest city and/or cultural capital is until they pair up, if they can avoid it. They will, of course, for family reasons, career reasons, or other important-to-them reasons, but not in masses, the way paired-up folks do. I dont understand what is keeping the attractive women in my area off the site ? They don't need it. They are more of a rarity in the smaller community, and they realize their "mates" (to use a lame term) are more of a rarity as well, but probably better met through their own little groups --- professional, friends, established social groups, maybe churches, if that's what you're into. When you look/read the profiles in my area, you get a sense most of the women dont fit into the category where guys would hit on them a lot. There are many of them with no job, or going to school part time with no job, divorced, thinking of going back to school, have 3 or more kids, etc. Its like they are in limbo, with no plans for the future.Well. . . yeah, they're above-30, living in the 'burbs, and using an online dating site. When you add all those things together. . . the average person those fit (Not making aspersions to everyone) is going to be someone who has been unlucky in love or people who've tried and failed (hence 3 kids). People who've just been too busy to settle down are generally going to either still live in a metropolitan area and/or have developed other networks by that time in their life. I know a lot of the older singles who have fully developed careers (CEOs, doctors, etc), even in the metropolitan area near where I'm from, tend to use paid "matchmaking" services if they're really serious. But, mostly, the other networks are going to be through their professional groups or friends. I think there's a lot more open-mindedness about using online dating if you're in a Metro area (and a lot more success). The women an hour away mostly have careers with degrees, never married, are very upbeat, no kids, early 30's, looking to settle down.As I explained above. It is a different type of person. Think about whether that type of person would really want to go out with you. (I'm not saying they would or wouldn't, but you've obviously made a much different choice than them by living where you live, which -- unless you're an outlier -- belies some sociological assumptions about you, as well.) I didnt take offense. I simply stated that your reply had nothing to do with the topic of the thread. But its very normal on forums. And I expect people to not pay attention the first time around, its just a common trait for most people. Wow, this is way controlling. Do you always try to control every conversation you start, telling people they shouldn't be going off on tangents or asking questions? Thanks Frisky. Yeah, all I meant was that when I was in the online dating world, I was on several different sites, and honestly, on average the people on one site tended to be more attractive (at least to me) than on the others, although I was searching the same geographic area on all three. I wasn't sure whether they just happened to be more "my type" or what, but I suppose I was thinking that might be the case for you as well. That's all I meant, sorry you took offense Serenity. It makes sense. Different sites also attract different types, at different ages, and in different areas.
Author Serenitynow Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Wow Now thats what I call a detailed response. Thank You! I agree with you Zengirl. Its just a totally different mindset metro vs burbs (especially mine) The BEST gf I ever had was from a metro area. I love metro girls I feel they are much more open-minded, intelligent, well-rounded, etc, etc. I think they tend to be less supercial as well. I've had some very attractive metro women contact me, but they were too far away to pursue. But when I contact a comparable woman locally, she deletes my email without even reading it . Edited July 31, 2010 by Serenitynow
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