does she get it?

[paleblue]

so ive been talking to this girl for about a year. she’s always sent mixed messages. one minute she’s interested, the next she’s not. then she wont tell me what she wants. so I said screw it, im going on other dates. then she gets worked up, acts interested, says all this stuff, but it dies right back down when she knows its not going anywhere with the new girl. we have never had sex. never even kissed. she says she doesn’t do that with anyone for at least a couple years. totally extreme. who is like that?? this is why it has been so difficult for me to sit still with her. on top of that we don’t even hang out much, its basically just texting and a few phone calls here and there. she’s a great girl, definitely damaged from the past, but seriously, its like huh? its not even about the sex, its about showing interest.

 

Anyways, I was invited out to an old high school flames bday party this Saturday out of the blue. we haven’t spoken in years. she’s single, and I know she’s always had the hot for me.

 

So I tell my prudish friend because im such a nice guy, hey I got invited out to an old flames party. not sure if you have any issues but just letting you know.

 

Her response – have fun!

I say, thanks,

then I tell her: listen, I cant do this anymore, I need someone who shows interest.

her response, do what you need to do.

then I say, good luck. (as in ..goodbye)

she says: don’t get all pissy with me go and enjoy yourself.

 

im not sure if she realizes what I am telling her here…… doesn’t she get it? I feel like she still thinks im going to be around or something. ive seriously had enough and its time to move on.

[zengirl]

so ive been talking to this girl for about a year. she’s always sent mixed messages. one minute she’s interested, the next she’s not. then she wont tell me what she wants. so I said screw it, im going on other dates. then she gets worked up, acts interested, says all this stuff, but it dies right back down when she knows its not going anywhere with the new girl. we have never had sex. never even kissed. she says she doesn’t do that with anyone for at least a couple years. totally extreme. who is like that??

 

This sounds like a waste of time.

 

this is why it has been so difficult for me to sit still with her. on top of that we don’t even hang out much, its basically just texting and a few phone calls here and there. she’s a great girl, definitely damaged from the past, but seriously, its like huh? its not even about the sex, its about showing interest.

 

This sounds like a waste of time. You know it's a waste of time. You don't even really date this girl.

 

Anyways, I was invited out to an old high school flames bday party this Saturday out of the blue. we haven’t spoken in years. she’s single, and I know she’s always had the hot for me.

 

So I tell my prudish friend because im such a nice guy, hey I got invited out to an old flames party. not sure if you have any issues but just letting you know.

 

This is passive-aggressive and silly. Why do you have to tell your phone-buddy what you do?

 

Her response – have fun!

I say, thanks,

then I tell her: listen, I cant do this anymore, I need someone who shows interest.

her response, do what you need to do.

then I say, good luck. (as in ..goodbye)

she says: don’t get all pissy with me go and enjoy yourself.

 

I would go have fun, do what you need to do, stop being pissy, and enjoy yourself. She gave you all good advice. She is a waste of time.

 

im not sure if she realizes what I am telling her here…… doesn’t she get it? I feel like she still thinks im going to be around or something. ive seriously had enough and its time to move on.

 

You should move on. She does think you're always going to be around. . . because you are around, but you should actually move on. Not like pretend to move on till she pretends to want you back in this weird pseudo-relationship drama in your heads.

 

This is a waste of time.

[paleblue]

Thanks Zen. I know you are right. I just wanted to make sure as retarded as that sounds. It just made me wonder with the mixed messages, I thought maybe she was shy or slow or something, but you are right. Time to shut this down. It’s either there or it’s not with someone right off the bat. And I do not want to keep going back and forth with this. It is weird, like pseudo or something. It is un-satisfying to me.

 

I’ve talked the talk, let’s see if I can walk the walk now.

 

 

I feel like an angry little beaver.

[phineas]

I really don't understand women like this.

It's like they don't want you, but don't want anyone else to have you.

 

I've stopped trying to analyze things with women.

The rule of thumb for me now is if a woman wants you, she will get you.

 

If, she contacts you to do things but waffles when you get close, she isn't shy.

She's just attention whoreing.

[2sure]

She likes you as a friend.

Worse, she likes that you are a friend who wants her.

She doesnt want you as more than a friend.

She doesnt want you to stop wanting her.

 

Ive been that girl. You have no chance.

Walk.

[lso802]

I agree with everyone else. Let her go. She just wants the attention. Not you.

[paleblue]

ok, I went out on that saturday date and I had an awesome time!!! we were dancing and laughing and it was great. I needed that. now we all plan on going out again real soon. she wanted to go out again last night to a concert but I couldn’t make it.

 

sooo anyways, I wasn’t planning on contacting that girl who has been leading me on for the last year. low and behold I got a text last night asking me how things went. it made me feel tense and my heart jump and just generally whatever.

 

this morning I told her I cant be friends with someone who I have feelings for who makes no effort or tells me what they want. I also said I had a great time meeting in the past and thank you for letting me meet your family and friends.

 

her reponse.. “so simply this. you don’t want to be friends. correct?”

 

I said maybe in time I need some time to clear my head.

 

she blew up! told me she doesn’t need part time friends and for me to take care. holy cripes : ( she said don’t bother. if you don’t want to be friends now then don’t come back around later.

 

 

I said its not like that!! I just don’t feel you have been fair with me and it sucks!!! its not about anything except respect for me! I said if you want to be my friend you needed to be upfront with me about your intentions and you were not! its not about anything except you being honest with me. and I might be willing to forgive and forget but I want honesty from here on out!!!!!

 

the girl flipped out on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and told me she has never disrespected you. I have read enough. take care.

 

mannnn.

 

so I called – mind you this is all over text messaging because she is too whatever to have an actual conversation with me. so I called hoping maybe she would pick up anyway. nope. I left a message. saying this shouldn’t be a big deal and there is no reason to be mad at me. I had to call because my text messaging ran out. its about time we had an actual conversation anyway about it. but nope! couldnt get one.

 

ah well. it just seems like when she loses control of the situation she flips out and goes bananas. I cant win here. it makes me really sad : (( i hate loosing friends but if I can even have a conversation with my “friend” without tiptoeing around the real issues whats the point? I am obviously open and willing to. she is not.

 

glad I did this actually. because it tells me a few things about who I am dealing with when it comes right down to it. I feel like this huge wave of rage directed towards me. like the response was clearly an over reaction to the situation. so i am kinda thinking maybe there are other issues mental wise going on. not much I can do about it if someone doesn’t want to even talk. ah well.

[meerkat stew]

You are laying way too much heavy-handed emotional manipulation on this girl, killing any feelings she might have developed, when you should be light and flirty. She's not an idiot, and sees your jealousy baiting for what it is. She's in the right in being exasperated with you, based on what you type, sorry to say. There's a "my way or the highway" aggressive tone in your dealings with her that is a mistake I've made myself in the past. Women almost never respond favorably to such.

 

In the future, when dealing with a woman who seems lukewarm, drop the strongarm tactics and instead seduce her mercilessly and playfully. If she doesn't respond, you have your answer and can move on, don't keep trying to create attraction from her out of your attraction towards her, it doesn't work that way.

[paleblue]

hmmm not sure i agree with that meeerkat but I do respect your opnion none the less. I will think more about what you have said. if you are right i dont want to just dismiss it.