Raderick Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 How important is that a potential partner be close to their own family? I ask because I talk to a few people, I notice that they all love to be with someone who had a family backbone. I don't have a family to lean on in any way, shape or form for many reasons, and it seems that I'm at a disadvantage (albeit unfairly) because of it.
zengirl Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 How important is that a potential partner be close to their own family? I ask because I talk to a few people, I notice that they all love to be with someone who had a family backbone. I don't have a family to lean on in any way, shape or form for many reasons, and it seems that I'm at a disadvantage (albeit unfairly) because of it. Hm. . . I love guys with a big, loving family, but that's mostly because I don't really have a big family. I'm not close to a lot of my extended family (I have one cousin I consider more a close friend than a cousin, and one grandma who's still alive that I'm close to, but besides my parents, that's it; no siblings), even though it's big. But it's not like guys without one are marked off the list; I've just been lucky to date a couple guys in my life whose families I've been really close to (and still am). That was a nice bonus. Really, I think it's important to demonstrate a few things: (a) Your family life did not screw you up. A lot of people are so worried about everybody else being broken and screwed up (they're usually screwed up or dated someone else who was) that they'll use family circumstances to cite "such and such" makes you more likely to be screwy. (And yes, some people will discriminate against you if you come from a "broken home" or bad circumstances. I've had a few fellows be surprised, even by me, because my parents are divorced---though I guess it's not evident unless you ask about it or it happens to come up, really, since my stepfather is like my father and I consider him a parent---when something got mentioned in conversation.) (b) There are people somewhere that you're close to. This doesn't have to be family. Having friends that are like your family can demonstrate the same purpose. But lots of people have the big, loving family to fall back on. Of course, even if you can't demonstrate those things, it's not likely to turn off anyone who's also been through hardship in their family life. At any rate, life is unfair, but you knew that!
kalikula Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 It's not important to me. I AM close to my family- even though we often clash and I don't feel like I have too much in common with them. The guy I'm seeing right now isn't close to his family for reasons he hasn't really told me yet.. But it doesn't bother me, he seems to have plenty of friends he hangs out with.. In fact I've dated several guys who were a little too close to their family and just depended on them way too much for my taste. (AKA total financial support still)
tigressA Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I have absolutely no problem with someone who isn't close to their family. I'm not close with mine. Most guys I've been involved with are rather close with their families, and I would basically become part of theirs. I've never had my circumstances held against me.
VertexSquared Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Not to be morbid or anything, but my entire family is dead (I am 23, graduated college a year ago) and I am not close to any of my relatives. I'm pretty much on my own, but I have a great circle of friends that I keep in touch with. To me, that is my family, and I see nothing wrong with that. If a girl slights me for something beyond my control, they aren't someone I want to be with anyway. Edited July 30, 2010 by VertexSquared
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