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i'm so sick of this...

pandagirl

By pandagirl
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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
Posted

So, I think I am having another herpes outbreak. Again. Right before I visit my boyfriend. Again.

 

I'm so sick of this. I haven't seen him in two months, and we haven't had sex in three. I'm spent the last hour being weepy and feeling sorry for myself. Last time I visited him, I thought I was having an outbreak (turned out it wasn't one), but we abstained from having sex to be safe.

 

This time, I'm pretty sure this is an outbreak, because I'm having the symptoms I'm accustomed to. It's minor, but it's an outbreak nonetheless.

 

I already told him, and he handled it the same way: just told me it didn't matter, that what is important is that we can be together, and told me how much he loves me.

 

But that doesn't change how I feel about it. I hate it. It brings up painful memories of how I contracted it. I hate that I can't be intimate with my boyfriend. I hate that he's too scared to have sex with me. I know this isn't the end of the world, but it really messes with my self-esteem and sexuality. I've always tried so hard to do the right thing: never cheated, don't lie, etc. And now I'm having to sacrifice parts of my relationship, because some other jerk cheated on me.

 

Sorry. I'm just venting. :(:(

alyssatranswarrior Established Member

alyssatranswarrior

Posted
Posted (edited)

Its ok *hug* Feel free to vent anytime.

 

You are entitled and I know I for one feel for you in this situation and it's frustration since you say you didn't behaviourally bring this risk upon you.

 

However there is always a balance to my thinking. Yes he should respect you without being angry (coz he cares obviously), and want to abstain to protect himself (and he does which is good), but should he have to give up sexuality with you during outbreaks? That question only you can answer.

 

Do you service him during these times? abstaining from all sex COULD lead to resentment. Even if my gf wasnt coming to me with oral offering which I would appreciate and love, I sure would ask/expect it after some time from an STI partner during breakout.

 

It just makes sense for both of you. He gets to be satisfied, you don't feel so unsexy because you can please him. This is how any relationship I have would be, which is why I mention this. No offense intended. Just my opinion

Edited by alyssatranswarrior
sugarmomma Established Member

sugarmomma

Posted
Posted

Panda at least you have someone who is understanding and loves you for you and not just the sexual part of the r.

 

I still think you're lucky. (((HUGS)))

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Panda at least you have someone who is understanding and loves you for you and not just the sexual part of the r.

 

I still think you're lucky. (((HUGS)))

 

I know, he's great and understanding. I think if we weren't long-distance, this wouldn't be so much an issue. But we don't see each other very often, so having to deal with this makes things more difficult.

 

I think I miss feeling like a sexual person with him. It's been over 3 months since we last had sex. He used to see me and couldn't wait to be with me, and it hasn't been like that for months now. I'm afraid he doesn't see me as a sexual person anymore...

sugarmomma Established Member

sugarmomma

Posted
Posted

Don't project since you don't really know what's he's feeling. If a person agrees to be in a r knowing that their partner has an STI, they have to really deeply care and want to be with them. The only way I would is if I saw myself being with this person long term.

 

I think he still sees you as sexual but also knows he needs to be understanding and patient.

 

Just think how hot its gonna be when you do give it to him :)

 

Everything will be fine.

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't project since you don't really know what's he's feeling. If a person agrees to be in a r knowing that their partner has an STI, they have to really deeply care and want to be with them. The only way I would is if I saw myself being with this person long term.

 

I think he still sees you as sexual but also knows he needs to be understanding and patient.

 

Just think how hot its gonna be when you do give it to him :)

 

Everything will be fine.

 

Well, we just got into a big fight over it, because I'm still upset over it, and he doesn't see why I am. This happened last time, too.

 

It will be fine, but jesus. The emotional distress of having herpes is WAY worse than the physical.

sugarmomma Established Member

sugarmomma

Posted
Posted

He seems to be more accepting of your sti than you are and that may be because he doesn't have it. But nevertheless, you have to let it go and accept the fact that outbreaks are gonna occur while you're in a r.

 

Also do you think your emotions/stress could be causing your outbreaks??

 

If you started the fight you should call him and make up.

mixwell Established Member

mixwell

Posted
Posted

I don't know if you're talking about va j j herpes or oral herpes... Personally I get oral outbreaks and the is from my mom's genetics , not contracted from someone else but what I do when I get oral ones, you can feel a tingling around your mouth and know you're going to get it... Once I see the first bump or whatever I instantly take a needly and break it, then use toilet paper and mash the hell outta it to try to get the "juice out" then I put on some ointment on it.. My co-worker who im sure is a virgin gets them to but she seems to leave them alone and although awkward we've talked about it but she leaves hers and they visual might last a week or more.. Since I've embraced puncturing the bumps and draining the fluid and putting ointment on mine they usually last 3-4 days and don't look scabbed up etc because I attack mine early on..

 

I hate that I get them due to genetics since there is nothing I could have done to have prevented it but if you have them on your va J J I have no idea as mine are only oral. If oral and genital are the same outbreaks I would suggest possibly trying to use a needle to break the bubble and use a cloth, tp or whatever to absorb the fluid and then use ointment but I don't have any real info on genital outbreaks.. I know it sucks and with my oral outbreaks I feel like everyone is staring although when I look in a mirror it doesn't look back but with the tingling and knowing I have it I feel like it's like a huge glowing red target for people to stare at.. Hope this helps IF it's an oral thing but I think you might be referring to another region..

 

Not to sound gross or selfish but if it is a genital outbreak you could give him an amazing BJ or something... Just trying to think of what I would do if I had genital herpes.. :o

stellaluna Established Member

stellaluna

Posted
Posted

Take some valtrex!

  • Author
pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
He seems to be more accepting of your sti than you are and that may be because he doesn't have it. But nevertheless, you have to let it go and accept the fact that outbreaks are gonna occur while you're in a r.

 

Also do you think your emotions/stress could be causing your outbreaks??

 

If you started the fight you should call him and make up.

 

I don't think either of us really started it. He's been stressed from working A LOT; I've been stressed because I'm trying to find a job. We just both lost patience with each other. We already made up and apologized to each other.

 

Outbreaks will occur. That is fine. But please just not the week I'm going to visit him!!!:mad:

 

And we will be "intimate" with each other, but guess what? Giving BJs every night aren't my idea of super-fun-time. haha. :lmao:

bittersweet memories Established Member

bittersweet memories

Posted
Posted
So, I think I am having another herpes outbreak. Again. Right before I visit my boyfriend. Again.

 

I'm so sick of this. I haven't seen him in two months, and we haven't had sex in three. I'm spent the last hour being weepy and feeling sorry for myself. Last time I visited him, I thought I was having an outbreak (turned out it wasn't one), but we abstained from having sex to be safe.

 

This time, I'm pretty sure this is an outbreak, because I'm having the symptoms I'm accustomed to. It's minor, but it's an outbreak nonetheless.

 

I already told him, and he handled it the same way: just told me it didn't matter, that what is important is that we can be together, and told me how much he loves me.

 

But that doesn't change how I feel about it. I hate it. It brings up painful memories of how I contracted it. I hate that I can't be intimate with my boyfriend. I hate that he's too scared to have sex with me. I know this isn't the end of the world, but it really messes with my self-esteem and sexuality. I've always tried so hard to do the right thing: never cheated, don't lie, etc. And now I'm having to sacrifice parts of my relationship, because some other jerk cheated on me.

 

Sorry. I'm just venting. :(:(

 

Meds don't help?

alyssatranswarrior Established Member

alyssatranswarrior

Posted
Posted (edited)

It's odd that everyone but one person skipped my notion that she CAN satisfy him and be sexual to him during outbreaks. Its called oral? If you chose not to do this act, yes indeed you are going to be unsexual to him during the breakout. But he seems like he is already accepting of that.

 

I feel for you, I wish you didn't have it getting in the way, but it's here and now you are letting it cause the relationship fights! yikes.

 

Unless you get mouth herpes too, you can always give him blow-jobs, its not like it has to be seedy or something or unromantic....you know that candlelit romance can still exist when its one way? ;) A girl did that once to me, granted we were 15 but it was awesome. Some incense, candles burning, lamp light! Best experience of oral ever. She wasn't ready for sexual intercourse though she wanted to be sexual with me and have it be loving and deeper than the word "blowjob".

 

I know if I had an STI with breakouts, first thing I do other than comfort my girl about it is hop online and buy some sex toys, ones she always hints at wanting and says things like "it turns me on but all I need is you so I don't need it" Now the relationship needs the extra oomph and spice of giving her that. And I'd start exercising my tongue daily. And making sure to ask her for deeper dirtier fantasies that she "thinks" would turn me off.

 

Obviously this is all mute is HE hates being given oral :p *shrug*

Edited by alyssatranswarrior
kalikula Established Member

kalikula

Posted
Posted (edited)

Personally I wouldn't want to feel that my bf was pressuring me to give bj's the entire time I had an outbreak (That obviously wasn't your irresponsibility but just something that happens). If that isn't her idea of a good time then she shouldn't feel pressured to give them (Not my idea of a good time either haha) Just like when I'm on my period it's certainly not "bj week", though I don't mind giving them occasionally my bf should certainly not have any expectations like that.

 

There are other romantic/sexual ways to spend time together you know (massages, cuddling, handjobs, etc.) Are you taking medicine for it? (I know someone already asked that). I understand they can prevent outbreaks, I think?

Edited by kalikula
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