Negotiating a settlement

[TOWinNYC]

No I don't know anyone personally, although I did know guys personally that got taken to the "cleaners" by the exW...no difference IMO.

 

Lol. Like HappyAtLast said, they must not have had very good lawyers!

[pureinheart]

He must not have had a very good attorney. I have not been divorced in many years, but I thought things were closer to fifty fifty split these days.

 

Lol. Like HappyAtLast said, they must not have had very good lawyers!

 

The judges have changed in their thinking and ruling. Having worked with many men (workforce mainly men in my co) I saw the shift over the years from hearing the stories...horror stories actually, I mean these guys had almost nothing to live on.

 

Now it is for real half and half...although if one party irritates the judge with petty games, then it goes more 60/40 in favor of the one not playing games. In exDM's case, he did well, and TOW/HAL you are right about the lawyer thing too.

 

I am glad to see the guys not getting raked over the coals anymore.

[Fallen Angel]

Sure, the marriage vows said, "..for richer or poorer, in sickness and health..."

 

The vows did not say, "Until I grow bored or you go broke, whichever comes first....."

 

Some of them do these days. You might be suprised at some of the pre-nups being written. I have read about some in which the husband agrees to provide a certain income level, and the wife agrees to maintain a certain dress size. If either party does not live up to their end of the bargain the marriage is terminated in favor of the one who did not renege on their agreement.

[Mimolicious]

He must not have had a very good attorney. I have not been divorced in many years, but I thought things were closer to fifty fifty split these days.

 

No good attorney was going to get my xH look like anything but the POS that he is, in court. Along with the arrest reports of his OW and his. Sorry, in my state and my grounds 85% of assets go to what we call a "BS" around here. Besides, yes these formulas are for the most part of contested divorces and settlements but sometimes not 2 divorces are alike. There are a lot of factors that go into consideration and people sometime forget about this while they are in the heat of passion. When these details get exposed with proof, judges don't like what they see! He was in no position to fight for anything. It would have been further damaging for his "livelihood".

 

Primary residence to where the children live AND since I had established several biz from the ground up for the past 12yrs... He now works for me. The End. Pays the mortgage, kids expenses, insurances, etc just as if he never left. Warned him- it was cheaper to keep us!

He's very regretful nowadays and I actually have to ask him to leave when he roams around what used to be his home. Sucks to be him cause it sure was being me then.

[Mimolicious]

Some of them do these days. You might be suprised at some of the pre-nups being written. I have read about some in which the husband agrees to provide a certain income level, and the wife agrees to maintain a certain dress size. If either party does not live up to their end of the bargain the marriage is terminated in favor of the one who did not renege on their agreement.

 

 

Now this is classic! But yes, especially in the whole "hollywood" scene. Can't say I have seen a prenup but I have seem wills and estate trusts where there are clauses that are jaw-dropping.

 

First child must be of specific sex and carry a certain name or else- You're cut off!

John Doe, must marry someone from such and suchs family or else- You're cut off!

Must visit my grave once a week, with the presence of my trustee or else- You're cut off!

 

Unreal to sit at these readings. LMAO!

[Silly_Girl]

 

Now it is for real half and half...although if one party irritates the judge with petty games, then it goes more 60/40 in favor of the one not playing games. In exDM's case, he did well, and TOW/HAL you are right about the lawyer thing too.

 

I co-habited for 8 yes and am trying to get the scumbag from hell out of mine and my son's life. I put 85k in and then also earned 2.5 times what he did over the course of the relationship (he lost 3 jobs, one of which was because he went to prison) and apparently it matters not what he did to us during the relationship or since, his name's on 50% of the settlement proceeds and I'm fighting to keep my home (near school, work and family). Bitter? Moi? Don't be daft!!

[HappyAtLast]

No good attorney was going to get my xH look like anything but the POS that he is, in court. Along with the arrest reports of his OW and his. Sorry, in my state and my grounds 85% of assets go to what we call a "BS" around here. Besides, yes these formulas are for the most part of contested divorces and settlements but sometimes not 2 divorces are alike. There are a lot of factors that go into consideration and people sometime forget about this while they are in the heat of passion. When these details get exposed with proof, judges don't like what they see! He was in no position to fight for anything. It would have been further damaging for his "livelihood".

 

Primary residence to where the children live AND since I had established several biz from the ground up for the past 12yrs... He now works for me. The End. Pays the mortgage, kids expenses, insurances, etc just as if he never left. Warned him- it was cheaper to keep us!

He's very regretful nowadays and I actually have to ask him to leave when he roams around what used to be his home. Sucks to be him cause it sure was being me then.

 

I presume you live in a state where marital fault is permissible. Seems as though folks wanting to cheat should move to a no fault state first.

[sally4sara]

I'm sorry, but I know a bit about the OP's back story. And now I have a question:

 

Are you seriously considering selling off your impeding child's chance at knowing it's dad for some hush money?

[Mimolicious]

I presume you live in a state where marital fault is permissible. Seems as though folks wanting to cheat should move to a no fault state first.

 

Yes, I do! Then they have 49 states that they can move to. LOL! Like I said, not 2 M's, A's, D's are be the same. He knows what he did. Did he ever think he was going to end like this? Of course not. Who really looks at the downfall when things feel warm and fuzzy?

 

As to my understanding he no longer is able to pay his OW's rent. Like he used when he was cheating on me while I paid half our mortgage and bills. He was basically supporting OW while I worked 50hrs weeks in my career, ran the finances and administration for 2 business we own, raised 2 kids, did xmas shopping for 120 people, attended about 2-3 social events of his a week, entertained his colleagues, had to wax in between, to have the cookie ready for his midnight snacks. Glorious ain't it!?!

Thanks to my lucky stars and my xH's lack of tact and sense, I walked away with most, because I worked the most. At the end, he was supporting another person with my ish!

 

He- he just stood there and looked like the "self-made successful man" he WAS. All of the above is gone now. He actually lost the respect of many, many people due to his immoralities. This is just in a nutshell. I can't say more because the world is very small....

 

A lot of AP don't know the other side of the story. They see the facade that their MM/MW paints to them, making them look like a true stars that they are. All that glitters...

[HappyAtLast]

Yes, I do! Then they have 49 states that they can move to. LOL! Like I said, not 2 M's, A's, D's are be the same. He knows what he did. Did he ever think he was going to end like this? Of course not. Who really looks at the downfall when things feel warm and fuzzy?

 

As to my understanding he no longer is able to pay his OW's rent. Like he used when he was cheating on me while I paid half our mortgage and bills. He was basically supporting OW while I worked 50hrs weeks in my career, ran the finances and administration for 2 business we own, raised 2 kids, did xmas shopping for 120 people, attended about 2-3 social events of his a week, entertained his colleagues, had to wax in between, to have the cookie ready for his midnight snacks. Glorious ain't it!?!

Thanks to my lucky stars and my xH's lack of tact and sense, I walked away with most, because I worked the most. At the end, he was supporting another person with my ish!

 

He- he just stood there and looked like the "self-made successful man" he WAS. All of the above is gone now. He actually lost the respect of many, many people due to his immoralities. This is just in a nutshell. I can't say more because the world is very small....

 

A lot of AP don't know the other side of the story. They see the facade that their MM/MW paints to them, making them look like a true stars that they are. All that glitters...

 

I am a firm believer in equitable distribution. That is not always 50/50. It sounds to me like you did more than the lion's share of the work and were thereby entitled to more than the lion's share of the proceeds. I am glad that is the way the courts saw it also.

 

I also agree very heavily with your last paragraph, but I find it applies to people in general, not just those in affairs.

[Mimolicious]

I am a firm believer in equitable distribution. That is not always 50/50. It sounds to me like you did more than the lion's share of the work and were thereby entitled to more than the lion's share of the proceeds. I am glad that is the way the courts saw it also.

 

I also agree very heavily with your last paragraph, but I find it applies to people in general, not just those in affairs.

 

 

Oh so do I, was just sticking to the subject. You see how many people live the ghetto fabulous life. They play it off like they have money, drive a benz and live in public housing.

[pureinheart]

I co-habited for 8 yes and am trying to get the scumbag from hell out of mine and my son's life. I put 85k in and then also earned 2.5 times what he did over the course of the relationship (he lost 3 jobs, one of which was because he went to prison) and apparently it matters not what he did to us during the relationship or since, his name's on 50% of the settlement proceeds and I'm fighting to keep my home (near school, work and family). Bitter? Moi? Don't be daft!!

 

OMG SG, I am soooo sorry...uhhh ya this works in the opposite direction sometimes. I forgot to mention that it should work the same either way...

 

ExDM's sister is getting raked through the coals...can't D her estranged H because she got an inheritance...a great deal of money, and at the time it might not have seemed foolish, but intermingled the money and her "no desire to work ever in his life" H lost the business she used some of the money on, and put the rest in the house....well he wants more than half and hasn't to my knowledge worked a day in his life. To sum it all up, shes screwed.

 

I thought it was interesting that you use the term "co-habitated", I used that word quite frequently when referring to dead R's...

 

Once again SG, I am so very sorry this is happening to you...

[pureinheart]

Yes, I do! Then they have 49 states that they can move to. LOL! Like I said, not 2 M's, A's, D's are be the same. He knows what he did. Did he ever think he was going to end like this? Of course not. Who really looks at the downfall when things feel warm and fuzzy?

 

As to my understanding he no longer is able to pay his OW's rent. Like he used when he was cheating on me while I paid half our mortgage and bills. He was basically supporting OW while I worked 50hrs weeks in my career, ran the finances and administration for 2 business we own, raised 2 kids, did xmas shopping for 120 people, attended about 2-3 social events of his a week, entertained his colleagues, had to wax in between, to have the cookie ready for his midnight snacks. Glorious ain't it!?!

Thanks to my lucky stars and my xH's lack of tact and sense, I walked away with most, because I worked the most. At the end, he was supporting another person with my ish!

 

He- he just stood there and looked like the "self-made successful man" he WAS. All of the above is gone now. He actually lost the respect of many, many people due to his immoralities. This is just in a nutshell. I can't say more because the world is very small....

 

A lot of AP don't know the other side of the story. They see the facade that their MM/MW paints to them, making them look like a true stars that they are. All that glitters...

 

Good for you Mimo...you worked for most of it I'm glad you got it:D...my exR's were priddy fare...the kids dads never paid a dime and felt entitled not to...whatever...God blessed me and honored my commitment to my kids, so screw them:D

[pureinheart]

I am a firm believer in equitable distribution. That is not always 50/50. It sounds to me like you did more than the lion's share of the work and were thereby entitled to more than the lion's share of the proceeds. I am glad that is the way the courts saw it also.

 

I also agree very heavily with your last paragraph, but I find it applies to people in general, not just those in affairs.

 

I totally agree...and when it comes to D, I don't care who did what because it take two and makes two IMO...the settlement is the settlement period.