confusedasever Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Okay, So I have been dating this guy for about 9 months now. I really like him, actually we tell each other we love each other. I love being with him and care for him a great deal, as he says he does for me too. Problem: I am sooo shy. When we get into large groups of people, I shut down and it's like I forgot how to socialize. I feel like a complete idiot. (for being this way) I worry this is going to drive him away or turn him off. We recently went on a camping trip with his family, Mom, Brother, cousins, Aunts. I was horrible all weekend. I felt very out of place and did not say much the whole weekend. I felt bad about it, but it's crazy that I can't make conversation. I am capable of talking and holding my own, but when he is around I am extremely self consious and worry I am going to be made an idiot out of something I say. He is not so helpful with this. He kind of just left me to fend for myself, which would be fine for a normal adult, but not me. I have always been like this, with significant others and it takes me quite a while to overcome it. Question is, will this eventually drive him to give up? I know he really does love me. Would you be able to tolerate this? It drove my ex crazy, but he didn't break up with me over it. He just dealt with it, and still asked me to go on family functions/parties etc...
jsa100100 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I think you really need to talk to him about it. Have a heart to heart and take things one step at a time. Camping trip with the whole family is NOT one step at a time. Maybe one family member, or one friend at a time, would make you feel better. Secondly, don't ever feel pressured to go out with him because he asks you to and you feel uncomfortable. Your flaw is not uncommon and if he loves you he should help you through it. Take pride in your flaw and conquer it. If you just hide it its only going to be a bigger (unwanted) part of your life.
zengirl Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Okay, So I have been dating this guy for about 9 months now. I really like him, actually we tell each other we love each other. I love being with him and care for him a great deal, as he says he does for me too. Problem: I am sooo shy. When we get into large groups of people, I shut down and it's like I forgot how to socialize. I feel like a complete idiot. (for being this way) I worry this is going to drive him away or turn him off. We recently went on a camping trip with his family, Mom, Brother, cousins, Aunts. I was horrible all weekend. I felt very out of place and did not say much the whole weekend. I felt bad about it, but it's crazy that I can't make conversation. I am capable of talking and holding my own, but when he is around I am extremely self consious and worry I am going to be made an idiot out of something I say. He is not so helpful with this. He kind of just left me to fend for myself, which would be fine for a normal adult, but not me. I have always been like this, with significant others and it takes me quite a while to overcome it. Question is, will this eventually drive him to give up? I know he really does love me. Would you be able to tolerate this? It drove my ex crazy, but he didn't break up with me over it. He just dealt with it, and still asked me to go on family functions/parties etc... If you've been together for 9 months, he must've noticed it and decided he liked you anyway. I think the only way it'd drive him away is if you get angry about it all the time or something (i.e. "How could you leave me alone with those people?!?!? fights). Though, for your own sake, I think talking to him about it would be good -- in a non confrontational, self-assessing way. Ask for his help and support in these social situations. A "Hey, I'm nervous around your family; can you help me out with that by _______________ (something normal that would help you)" before you go to see them isn't going to make anyone who cares about you angry or think any less of you. He's probably leaving you to fend for himself because he doesn't know how to help you out with it. He sounds like a good guy, from what you've written.
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