phoenix1 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 After a difficult break up I have entered the dating pool and met a great guy. We have been seeing each other a short time, and we both have very full lives. However his life is getting even fuller, he's at the beginning of a long divorce, 4 kids, works 50-60 hour weeks, we live 1 1/2 hours away from each other, etc etc. Finding time to see each other is almost impossible. We talked recently and the truth is he might just not have the time or space for dating anyone right now. Neither of us were really looking for anyone, it was one of those things that just kind of happened. We have a great connection, and I feel like he is not the kind of guy you come across everyday. He says he feels torn, he really likes me, but feels bad about how little he has to offer right now. We are kind of in a limbo place right now, going to have another conversation, but I have decided to kind of step back and see if things settle down for him, and do my own thing. My question? Especially for guys, if you met someone you really liked and were this tied up and this busy, would you really just let it go..or would you make time? I feel like if he really wanted to see me, he would. But then again, I know for a fact he is not dating/or planning on dating anyone else. So maybe what he is telling me is true? Or maybe he's "just not that into you", lol, and I just want to make myself feel better? Opinions?
jsa100100 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It could be any of those options, but he might just hate women right now in general lol. Beginning a long divorce with lots of kids? must be pretty messy. My brother went through a messy one, and trust me, it rips your heart out. And unless he's venting to you a lot, he must be kinda keeping it all in. very un-therapeutic. He has a lot of issues going on right now and timing is probably not right. He might be a great guy, but it seems like you should move on. It must be very straining for you as well and could get unhealthy. Just my two cents.
2sunny Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 he probably thinks he should get his divorce finalized before offering himself to someone as an available man. or he may still be interested in seeing if the M works out after all. either way... it's best for YOU to wait until the D is final.
Author phoenix1 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Thanks for your replies. The marriage is over, that I am sure of. He left, and is sure about it. He has been separated for a little over a year. He does not talk bad about her, or how great she is. He's kind of neutral, he cares about her, doesn't hate her, but it's over. I think he kind of hung in there for a long time and tried to work things out, but it just wasn't happening. I guess I just feel frustrated because it so hard to meet any halfway decent guys and then I do....ugh!!!! Just my luck.
jsa100100 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I guess I just feel frustrated because it so hard to meet any halfway decent guys and then I do....ugh!!!! Just my luck. Hey hey now, we're around! here's one right now! haha
kalikula Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 He sounds like he really has his plate full right now. I would keep your options open and keep meeting other guys and stuff. You could come back when he's got his divorce finalized and life less chaotic.
phineas Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Divorce takes a while, but you don't spend a whole lot of time on it unless it's a custody battle or a fight over assets & even then because things move slow your lawyer does most of the work. You may have to go to a mediator or court every other week at most. The stress level however is through the roof. Being a single dad with 2 kids half the week isn't easy. Can't imagine 4 kids. I have to MAKE time for someone. It got easier after D-papers were signed because I had an idea of what my future obligations were going to look like.
stace79 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Generally, I agree that you make time for someone if you really like them. However, you said that you two live 1.5 hours apart. That can make it difficult if you're already working 50-60 hours a week and you have four children. I would assume he still sees his kids, so that probably takes up some week nights and/or weekends. When all that is said and done, plus the normal daily chores of living as a bachelor, he may just be really worn thin and not have the energy to see you, especially if it involves driving 1.5 hours to do so. If it were me, I would consider keeping in touch with him, but guarding my heart a bit so as not to get too involved and hurt if/when things didn't work out. I think it's honorable that he's telling you all this now, too. At least he appears to be honest and forthcoming.
Author phoenix1 Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 @stace, yes I think he is being really honest too. He genuinely feels bad about how little time he has to offer me right now. Unfortunately this honesty and straightforwardness make just like him even more! He has the kids almost half the time, they are pretty young. The divorce probably will not be easy because she does not want to split up, and is being difficult. I am going to step back like I said, and go out with other men - if any ask me that is!! Try to forget about him for now, but it's hard. Yet, I always think if something is meant to be, it will be.
SassyKitten Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I had this issue with my last boyfriend. Not kids, but the 60 hour weeks. For me it's a dealbreaker if I don't see or speak to my partner for more than a day, and he would get defensive when I asked him to try and make more time for me, even if it was only a 5 minute phone call.
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