How do i ask to move in

[Menafee]

He told me he loves me and asked me to move in last weekend but he was far from sober, he didnt bring it up the next morning and i was too scared/ worried he may not remember.

 

The real problem is were not officially together, although his friends refers to us as a couple.

 

We just started hanging out again 2 weekends ago, we had a 2 month break because i wanted more of a commitment, i denied it because i was unsure what i wanted but knew, and he said he doesnt right now so he ended it. We didnt discuss what us seeing eachother again meant, although we should have beforehand.

 

But since he didnt know that im looking for a place to live and he was the one who brought it up and not me does that mean he may want more of a commitment?

 

Although he originally brought it up i fear he wont ever mention it again, if he does remember he might feel like i rejected th idea. And he's definately scared of rejection.

 

Anyways im desperate to find a place to live but since the place i worked at closed i cant pay rent yet, i've been applying non stop with no call backs!

 

Im obviously worried because this was our problem before and he ended it last time. If i could pay rent i could be his roommate he's looking for. There's been other girls saying there looking for a place to live but he hasnt replied to them..yet. And i obviously REALLY dont want another girl 2 live with him!

 

I just need advice on how to bring it up without scaring him with the whole commitment thing

[kalikula]

Just gonna say, if you're not officially committed then living together would be a disaster. If he wanted a commitment he would ask you out officially FIRST and then maybe move in. He was probably just saying that.

 

I would NOT be okay with having a girl move in though. Make sure to discuss that with them. Even though you need a place to live I really wouldn't suggest moving to him when your relationship is not that secure!! What if it didn't work out and you had to awkwardly move out or had to see him bring other girls by?!

[kiss_andmakeup]

The fact that you are currently in the market for a place, and that you don't want another girl to live with him, are not good reasons to move in together.

 

I would never dream of moving in with someone I was just "seeing" but not yet in a serious, committed relationship with.

[carhill]

'The other day you mentioned you might like me (or whatever verbiage he used) to move in with you. I need to make some decisions about my living arrangements. How do you feel about that right now?'

 

I won't presume to know what's healthy for your dynamic, but I would suggest looking at *all* your options for a domicile before moving in with a man you are not in a serious, committed relationship with, especially if doing so leaves you few other options if things go wrong. Think it through. Best wishes

[WTRanger]

This situation has flaming train wreck written all over it. I can't think of one good outcome of this.

[Sabali]

One thing to always consider when debating on whether you should move in with someone is the fact that the only thing higher than this form of commitment in a relationship is marriage and children, really. So it is a big step!

 

 

The reasons you gave are not good to move in with him. I understand that in desperate time comes desperate measures but I think you are setting yourself for an even more desperate situation in the future. Remember, you guys recently were on a "break" so have not really received the chance to make thing very solid which they need to be before moving in together. You didn't even mentioned that you two loved each other either. If no love is involved...

 

He will have a lot of power over you! Once you move in and he decides that you are not really for him or that you two have not had a chance to really work out past issues, he can order you to leave and then you will really be in a desperate situation. This could be one week after you move in!

 

 

You have to take a person's word at face value when they say something heavy like "move in with me" when they are "far from sober."

 

 

I won't tell you not to bring it up since you are in a tight situation but I would look for alternatives such as family members first! I do not believe you will feel secure after moving in. Also, remember that "crazy" just loves to come out once two people move in together so make sure this is a stable person and if there is any question he is or not, don't make the move.

[Pfiend101]

I think its a bad idea if you have to ask the questions you did about it. I have no idea how long you have been together but I most likely wouldn't want to live with someone unless weve been in a serious LTR

[D-Lish]

Demand better for yourself, you're acting like a train wreck.

[Menafee]

Thank you everyone you basically said the same thing so if you read this its to everyone and it explains a little bit more.

 

My life is a trainwreck right now but thank you everyone for your point of view. I agree it isnt a good idea but im literally out of other options right now. The only family i have now is my sister and she's also staying on a friends couch. We used to live 11.5 hrs away we just recently came back here, where we grew up, so we dont have many real close friends left here. Mom passed away a little over 6 months ago so after that everything went downhill, couldnt afford restaurant, where me and sister worked, had to close it so no money = lost house.

 

This post isnt about that, its just to say how really desperate i really am right now.

 

But everyone helped a lot, i dont think im going to move in right away. Im just going to ask if i can stay there for a little while and see how it goes. He's one of the 3 people that are around that i consider my bestfriends so if nothing else we can just hangout as friends.

 

Oh and i started talking to him again a little over a year ago, as my childhood bestfriend. But i consider the first time i met him to be about 7 months ago, because thats the first time we hungout again and he's nothing like i remember, i thought of him as more than my friend. And he does tell me he loves me but i havent told him i do 2, which i really care about him and he makes me happy i just want to be 100% sure before i say it back.. and 7 months doesnt seem long enough for me to be sure. I want to make sure he's not still just my friend, and he just happens to be here right now when i need him so i tricked myself into thinking he's more than a friend.. ya know?

 

The more i talk about it i relize that im more the one whose scared of commitment then him, he liked me growing up too, but i should be right now its not a good time for me to be in a relationship until i get my life figured out! And i guess he told my friend he ended it before because i joked about finding someone rich to take care of me and my sister, not because of commitment, i hurt his feelings.

 

I think i figured out what i need to do right now, if you read this and have any opinions feel free to share. You guys actually helped quite a bit so thank you, it was good for me to actually go over everything instead of the little pieces

[alexlakeman]

U woukd be using him. Try a homeless shelter, family, etc. Hope he realizes this and sayS "no way" if u ask him lol.