counterman Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Dating a girl who's my friend. I saw her today having not seen her for a few weeks and my insides just went crazy. She was shining. When we spoke, it was awesome and I kept flirting with her... I think she is interested but wants to know that I mean what I say and wants to know that I am serious and not just fooling around. I do mean what I say but I am flirting for fun and she wants to know that I like her before taking any of it in. I'm really confused about this because I have never felt this way about her before... and I know what this feeling is. Should I ask her out on a date? I think I would be her first date ever then and I am not really looking for that. She's a bit awkward at times whereas I like to just go for things. I really don't want our friendship to be ruined or anything, also. What should I do? Stop flirting and bantering and just keep it conservative? There is another girl in the mix also. She's not really my "friend" but we do talk every now and then and... I don't know. I've been finding her really attractive lately. But, she's also conservative and hasn't been in a relationship before. I think they may think that a date means that it would be a relationship...especially if I kiss them, so, I'm a bit cautious about that. The girl that I really wanted to get to know and talk to, I haven't been able to see lately. I think she stays foremost in my mind because I find her most attractive of the three and from the moment I met her, she was on my mind. But, yes, I haven't spoken to her more than an introduction. I'm a bit confused about what I want... A relationship? Just fun? All I know is these girls don't want just fun...and I don't think I can stand a relationship at the moment. What should I do?
carhill Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Should I ask her out on a date Yes. The best advice I can give you is to cease and desist with worrying about/projecting onto/agonizing over what a lady thinks, feels, does, etc. Do what *you* want to do. If she's on the same page, she's for you. If not, not. Everything else is just noise, and wasted time.
Author counterman Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 So, even if I just want to go out for a bit of fun and kiss her on the date and then maybe not even consider another one, I should still go for it? I understand what you're saying and I think I should stop thinking about what they think (and I wouldn't care she wasn't my friend and would have asked her out already) but yes, it's just the friendship. How about the other girls?
carhill Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 TBH, after years (decades) of what-if and projection, the only thing which stops me now from 'asking out' a lady whom I find attractive (by my standards) is if she is married or obviously in a non-marital LTR. Everyone else is fair game. Friend, stranger, whatever. My true close friends are men and my 'female' side gets fed by their wives. I don't need single female friends. I thought I did before but was misguided. Apply as appropriate (or not) to yourself. A clear indicator of a woman's friendship is if and how she is 'there' for you when you are in the midst of a relationship/family/work/personal crisis. People who are, proactively, are your true friends. Everyone else, IMO, are acquaintances. Being rejected romantically by an aquaintance and perhaps losing their 'friendship' isn't that big of a deal. Plenty of true friends to enjoy life and love with.
Author counterman Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Agreed. I don't have any close friends that are girls. And, the girlfriends I do have have proven to be flakey at one time or another. When I was last in a relationship, I gained some female friends and lost some. When I was out of it, I lost the ones I had gained and the ones that were lost already, were still gone. So, I like to just stick close to my true mates. I guess in this case it's not so much getting rejected by her, it's me going for what I want. And I just feel like some lip action and more flirting. Sometimes I get the urge to just KISS her, but I hold back. Just BARELY hold back.
Author counterman Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Anyone else have any experience they can share?
zengirl Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'd never just have "fun" with my male friends, and even the girls I know who are more into casual sex/FWB stuff wouldn't pick their male friends for that. Friends are friends. If I felt attracted, I'd date a male friend. . . I have before, to different results at the end, none catastrophic. But I'd have to seriously want a relationship with him. Why mess up a sincere friendship over a hookup? All I know is these girls don't want just fun...and I don't think I can stand a relationship at the moment. What should I do? If you know you don't want a relationship, why would you pursue a "friend" in dating them. That's a surefire way to lose a friend. If they aren't really friends, and you go in honestly, then that's fine. But if you know (your word---I don't really know if you know) they aren't looking for fun, and you are, without the strings of a relationship. . . then, it's pretty crappy to get involved with them. If you like a girl, ask her out, but always be honest with your intentions.
Author counterman Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I agree, I have to be honest with my intentions. I'm just not sure about this because I would be her first and I want a girl who is comfortable with the idea of dating. Dating to her and many other girls here signifies a relationship... I am interested in a few girls and only one of them I would no issues with dating... The other two seem really conversative and I would give it a go and all but I can picture it not going so well. Thing is I feel that spark for them and don't know if I should act on it or not. I want someone who is willing to give things a go because it's meant to be fun. I don't know, I'm just confused. I need someone to be comfortable with the idea of dating. I don't want to have to tiptoe because I might step on shells. I don't want to wait to kiss on the 3rd or 4th date. Yet, I feel something for these girls. I can't help the way I feel. I can be content but I don't think I'll be wowed. I'm just confused in what I should do. But, I don't think I'll do anything. It seems to be too much of a hassle.
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