idomything Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 For the purpose of this post, let's call our subject Matthew. I met Matthew through a mutual friend. He asked for my number in April and added me on Facebook and we started texting back and forth. It died out eventually with no outcome. Fast forward to June, when I decided to text him first. This time, we would text for longer periods of time. He added me on messenger and would message me every time I was online and we would end up talking for 2-3 hours at a time. We'd talk about everything and anything. Fast forward to July, he wanted to make plans to see me. We would make plans every other day, but one of us would end up canceling (most of the time it was me) because of busy schedules. We'd always joke about not being able to see each other in our nightly chats. Last week, he asked me out. We met up to watch a movie (this is the first time I've seen him in person since APRIL! P.S. he paid) So we're in the movie theater messing around (CLEAN messing around - he'd pull me in so I would embrace him but I'd pull away, he played with my hair, held my hand, picked my legs up and put them across his lap). We didn't even get a chance to watch the movie. After the movie, he made plans to chill with his buddies but we ended up talking for two hours before I had to leave. At the end of the date, he held out his arms but I shook his hand instead (My first date ever - sorry guys, I'm awkward ). He laughed and pulled me in for a hug. We didn't talk for a few days. He messaged me but I was away so I didn't get to reply. The next day, I texted him and he said he was at work so I stopped replying. A few days after that, he was online and I was about to message him but he signed off. Texted him to get back on but he said he had work early in the morning and that we would talk later. Every time we're both online for extended periods of time, he doesn't message me like he used to. I texted him a couple of days ago asking him if he wanted to hang out, but he said he was far from the area and maybe later. He proceeded to ask me where I've been and that it's been a while since we talked. I made small talk but eventually stopped replying. Why has he stopped talking to me? Was I awkward during our date? I wasn't as flirtatious or equally affectionate as him. P.S. We will both be first year college students this fall and our schools are 3 hours apart (if this changes anything) Any input will be greatly appreciated!
Soul Bear Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) If I was that guy, I would think ''She's just not that into me''. I would also be feeling a little hurt and rejected. Sounds like he liked you a lot, put a fair amount of effort into trying to make you feel comfortable and you pretty much ignored him and gave him the impression that you wanted nothing to do with him romantically. ....You wonder why he does not seem interested anymore? Yes, you were very awkward on your date by the sounds of it. He probably is still interested (even if hanging on by a thread), but this is your call, and you also have a very short time to make this right again, if he is who you want to be with. Good luck Edited July 28, 2010 by Soul Bear spelling
K'aycie Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 For the purpose of this post, let's call our subject Matthew. I met Matthew through a mutual friend. He asked for my number in April and added me on Facebook and we started texting back and forth. It died out eventually with no outcome. Fast forward to June, when I decided to text him first. This time, we would text for longer periods of time. He added me on messenger and would message me every time I was online and we would end up talking for 2-3 hours at a time. We'd talk about everything and anything. Fast forward to July, he wanted to make plans to see me. We would make plans every other day, but one of us would end up canceling (most of the time it was me) because of busy schedules. We'd always joke about not being able to see each other in our nightly chats. Last week, he asked me out. We met up to watch a movie (this is the first time I've seen him in person since APRIL! P.S. he paid) So we're in the movie theater messing around (CLEAN messing around - he'd pull me in so I would embrace him but I'd pull away, he played with my hair, held my hand, picked my legs up and put them across his lap). We didn't even get a chance to watch the movie. After the movie, he made plans to chill with his buddies but we ended up talking for two hours before I had to leave. At the end of the date, he held out his arms but I shook his hand instead (My first date ever - sorry guys, I'm awkward ). He laughed and pulled me in for a hug. We didn't talk for a few days. He messaged me but I was away so I didn't get to reply. The next day, I texted him and he said he was at work so I stopped replying. A few days after that, he was online and I was about to message him but he signed off. Texted him to get back on but he said he had work early in the morning and that we would talk later. Every time we're both online for extended periods of time, he doesn't message me like he used to. I texted him a couple of days ago asking him if he wanted to hang out, but he said he was far from the area and maybe later. He proceeded to ask me where I've been and that it's been a while since we talked. I made small talk but eventually stopped replying. Why has he stopped talking to me? Was I awkward during our date? I wasn't as flirtatious or equally affectionate as him. P.S. We will both be first year college students this fall and our schools are 3 hours apart (if this changes anything) Any input will be greatly appreciated! So it was 3-4 months before he asked you out? Unless you live very far from each other, or there are other concrete reasons - I'd be more concerned with the fact that you both were texting back/forth for that long before actually meeting in person...
Author idomything Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Yeah, it actually took him 3-4 months to ask me out but this was because we weren't talking. He actually hinted it in April when we first started talking but I was nervous and didn't want to. We talked a lot in June-July and that's when we made more concrete plants. He's going away for school this fall, IDK what to do...
K'aycie Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Yeah, it actually took him 3-4 months to ask me out but this was because we weren't talking. He actually hinted it in April when we first started talking but I was nervous and didn't want to. We talked a lot in June-July and that's when we made more concrete plants. He's going away for school this fall, IDK what to do... Hinting and asking out are two different things. If he in fact asked you out when you first began talking in April, and you said no, then he would have perceived that as not interested, I would presume.
Author idomything Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Well, I did agree to go out when he asked me again so I would assume that indicated that I was interested enough to spend time with him.
sugarmomma Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I think you made your interest level clear and he is the one that not really interested. He was probably looking to get laid that night and when it didn't happen he moved on. So what. Let him go and do not chase him which is what he wants you to do. If a man takes months to ask you out on a real date he's not into you. Delete him from FB, Messenger, and his number from your phone unless you want to continue wasting your valuable precious time. He is a loser!!
D-Lish Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Sounds like he was fishing for a lay rather than a connection. When he didn't get the impression that you're that kind of girl, he lost interest. Stop reaching out to him, you're doing WAY too much reaching out. SM is right, he's a loser.
mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 This whole situation is rather silly when you think about it. Somehow it took you 3-4 months to get together in the first place. If either of you was really REALLY serious about the other, you would have moved heaven and earth to somehow be together. But, you both got together out of a sense of obligation. Best if you both just move on, this wasn't meant to be.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I agree. He isn't interested. Kind of reminds me of a guy I posted about. When there is TOO much physical affection on the first 2 dates, it usually means that the guy is VERY experienced with making those kinds of moves and is only out to have sex.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It sounds to me like you've been playing games with him - being online and not contacting him but expecting him to contact you, failing to reply to his texts, being unavailable for dates, pulling away from a hug, shaking his hand when he wanted a hug. Read your post, I suspect he got tired of it. You didn't mention anything about him making sexual advances. Did he? Did he talk about sex in any of these multi-hour chat sessions? If so, I may change my opinion.
Author idomything Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 (edited) No, he wouldn't mention sex around me - seriously atleast. He once jokingly said he'd sleep his way up the corporate ladder if he had to. He also mentioned his preference for classy and smart girls. He stated that he dated the wrong girls in high school (referring to them as overprotective and easy). Edited July 29, 2010 by idomything
zengirl Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It doesn't sound to me like much will come from this. All in all, it just sounds weird to get so attached to someone you've met once that it even matters. But college dating no longer makes any sense to me, so take my "old" opinion with a grain of salt.
Mimolicious Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 This situation sounds JHS rather than young adults on their way to college. You didn't offer the 'cookie' which is what a boy his age would rather have. Movies, hand holding and hair pulling is kinda "cute"... You are on your way to college. Do you really want to obstruct your studies with a guy that is 3 hours away? Hence, a campus loaded with other guys that can actually share your same interest, study together, keep you company when you are free, etc... Stop texting, IM and reaching out. Seems clingy. 10yrs from now you wont even remember him. (Geez, If I can go back to college days!)
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