LaurelS Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 So I met a guy around 4 months ago, was very interested in him, things got awkward and so I told him I wasn't interested in him in hopes that there would be no awkwardness and we wouldn't leave on a bad note. It got worse. This was on a trip and we were around each other for two weeks 24/7 basically. When we got back home I tried to contact him (facebook poke & add, which he rejected). For two months I did not do anything and all of a sudden he blocked me on facebook. I did not try to contact him at all and I was shocked this happened all of a sudden. So he's leaving in August and so I wanted him to contact me so we can have a friendship or closure. I am also worried about him for his own personal reasons I can't write here. I asked his friend to tell me to contact him but friend said that he didn't cooperate and changed the subject. He basically avoided the topic. Should I just contact him myself? At this point I feel like I have nothing to do lose but could possibly gain something (closure or a friendship) if we met up. He's leaving anyway and so I don't think I'll have a hard time getting over him (though I like him enough that if things had worked out between us I wouldn't mind an LDR). I just don't want to spend the next few months thinking what if I didn't contact him. Plus that random facebook blocking came out of no where and I hadn't contacted him for 2 months. So sitting and waiting for something to fall into my lap didn't work out, it just got worse. Similarly telling him I wasn't interested and proceeding to avoid him for the rest of the trip didn't work out. So I tried the whole "play hard to get" but none of it works out because he's not looking for a girlfriend. However, I don't want him to completely block me out of his life because when things were good between us we did have chemistry and I can relate to him on a much deeper level than anyone else I know. I truly mean it when I say I'd prefer a friendship with him rather than nothing at all.
Jilly Bean Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Are you kidding? Sure - contact him again. And I'm sure he'll retaliate with a restraining order. Seriously - what part of him wanting nothing to you with you isn't clear? He has ignored you and blocked you. Leave him alone. For your own sanity.
Author LaurelS Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 I know it seems like that but the blocking didn't happen until 2 months after I last contacted him. Plus when I told him I wasn't interested in him, he didn't tell me he wasn't interested in me either which is what I was expecting.
Jilly Bean Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I know it seems like that but the blocking didn't happen until 2 months after I last contacted him. Plus when I told him I wasn't interested in him, he didn't tell me he wasn't interested in me either which is what I was expecting. And you should take that as a clear cut sign that he wants to make SURE you can NEVER EVER CONTACT HIM. Yet, you seem to have twisted him blocking you to be some kind of invitation. Is this a pattern you have acted out with other guys that aren't interested? If so, it's a VERY unhealthy habit to get into. Obsessing over those who clearly show no interest isn't going to be fruitful...
Author LaurelS Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 But I haven't twisted it into being some sort of invitation. I think I'm mostly driven to contact him again because I found out that he won't be attending the same school again in September (we went to the same school, though we only met on the trip) and I won't see him again. He will be about 3 hours away. If he was coming back I wouldn't contact him again. It's just that if I don't have a friendship with him I won't see him again. No, it's not a habit. I'm 19 and I haven't really fallen for a guy as much as I have fallen for this one. And until I was 18 I was pretty much closed off to dating.
LondonS Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I have made a rather similar mistake in the past and have learnt not to contact people who are not interested... he blocked u, take that as a closure and move on.. sometimes people are not interested for their personal reasons, doesnt mean there is anything wrong with u... I refuse to invest a single minute of my time in a man who doesnt do the same or more in return...
Author LaurelS Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Yeah I guess I kind of got caught up in it because I expected to see him in September and realizing I won't made me freak out a bit. Plus everyone has been telling me to prove to him that I care about him because I hurt his feelings when I said I wasn't interested in him. It just hurts a lot because I had my hopes up for September and I really wanted things to work out with him.
Jilly Bean Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 But I haven't twisted it into being some sort of invitation. I think I'm mostly driven to contact him again because I found out that he won't be attending the same school again in September (we went to the same school, though we only met on the trip) and I won't see him again. He will be about 3 hours away. If he was coming back I wouldn't contact him again. It's just that if I don't have a friendship with him I won't see him again. No, it's not a habit. I'm 19 and I haven't really fallen for a guy as much as I have fallen for this one. And until I was 18 I was pretty much closed off to dating. He rejected your advances, and went so far as to BLOCK YOU from contacting him. He has made it ridiculously clear he wants nothing to do with you, and doesn't want you to have even the remotest of chances to know anything about his life. So, I still don't get how you've twisted this to be a good time to contact him. lol Like I said - do it, but then expect to be hit with a restraining order. Honestly, just by the sheer fact you are planning on contacting him again after all of this, makes me wonder what you did initially for him to need to shut you off so harshly. I get the feeling there was some serious stalking going on...
tigressA Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Yeah I guess I kind of got caught up in it because I expected to see him in September and realizing I won't made me freak out a bit. Plus everyone has been telling me to prove to him that I care about him because I hurt his feelings when I said I wasn't interested in him. It just hurts a lot because I had my hopes up for September and I really wanted things to work out with him. Yeah, well they're being stupid. This guy is clearly no longer interested in having any form of contact with you, just move on. There's nothing else you can really do, except try to contact him again and feel crappy when he rejects you again. And do you really want that? I think not.
O'Malley Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 So sitting and waiting for something to fall into my lap didn't work out, it just got worse. Similarly telling him I wasn't interested and proceeding to avoid him for the rest of the trip didn't work out. So I tried the whole "play hard to get" but none of it works out because he's not looking for a girlfriend. If he doesn't want a girlfriend, it's not healthy for you to settle for what ever crumbs he is willing to provide (in this case, none). Closure is what you give to yourself -- walking completely away from a situation that has no benefit for you, and only will keep you mired in problematic thoughts. You're upset at the loss of a potential relationship -- and ignoring the reality of a guy who didn't want a girlfriend who became overly upset when you claimed you were not interested in him. Plus everyone has been telling me to prove to him that I care about him because I hurt his feelings when I said I wasn't interested in him. You've already attempted to reach out to him and he wants none of it. Continuing to contact him will not alter his current opinion of you; it actually will reinforce it. Sometimes it's better to let mutual silence be the ending between acquaintances.
Gallaxia Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 You've already attempted to reach out to him and he wants none of it. Continuing to contact him will not alter his current opinion of you; it actually will reinforce it. Sometimes it's better to let mutual silence be the ending between acquaintances. Since this is the case, you need to find your closure from this situation on your own. Too many people believe closure comes from the other party. And them giving it to us. It doesn't. It comes from within our own selves.
You'reasian Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 At this point I feel like I have nothing to do lose but could possibly gain something (closure or a friendship) if we met up. He's leaving anyway and so I don't think I'll have a hard time getting over him (though I like him enough that if things had worked out between us I wouldn't mind an LDR). I just don't want to spend the next few months thinking what if I didn't contact him. Plus that random facebook blocking came out of no where and I hadn't contacted him for 2 months. So sitting and waiting for something to fall into my lap didn't work out, it just got worse. Similarly telling him I wasn't interested and proceeding to avoid him for the rest of the trip didn't work out. So I tried the whole "play hard to get" but none of it works out because he's not looking for a girlfriend. However, I don't want him to completely block me out of his life because when things were good between us we did have chemistry and I can relate to him on a much deeper level than anyone else I know. I truly mean it when I say I'd prefer a friendship with him rather than nothing at all. Playing hard to get is a great way to tell a guy you're not interested even if he is.
D-Lish Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 What could possibly be your motivation for trying to contact someone that has made it abundantly clear they want nothing to do with you? Blocking you is pretty clear- it says "I want nothing to do with you, go away". Deciding you want closure, or a frienship is what you want, but it's clearly not what he wants, so leave it alone; leave him alone.
Soul Bear Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I have to agree. I did it too, stupidly.. Please, retain some dignity and don't let yourself get beat down. If there is one thing I have learned, it's for everyone that does not work out, there is someone even better to come. More compatible, more of what you are looking for in a partner. Just focus on yourself for a while, forget this guy and take from it all what you can
zoey956 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Since this is the case, you need to find your closure from this situation on your own. Too many people believe closure comes from the other party. And them giving it to us. It doesn't. It comes from within our own selves. That's so true! I've gotten closure before from the other party and granted it made me feel horrible at first but later it still got me thinking 'what if'. And I only really got closure after a few weeks of 'NOT' seeing, talking, and 'thinking' about the guy. And even if you do go to meet this guy what do you expect will happen? If you're expecting him to fall on his knee and tell you that he's liked you all along then I'd have to tell you that from my experiences that won't happen. Most likely, you probably will meet up, have dinner or what not, have a very awkward conversation, and then go your separate ways. At the end of the night he still wouldn't have given you any closure and you still would be hung up on him. And I'm speaking about this from personal experience because I've been in a situation very similar to this one.
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