james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 My fiancee and I got engaged earlier this year. We had a huge argument last month and unfortunately, we were both incredibly nasty to each other during the fight, and we ended our engagement and then broke up. She moved out last week, and now that my anger is wearing off, I am missing her and have realised how much I still love her. In the past we broke up once when she walked out on me last year after a huge argument as well, though this was before we were engaged. I did hell of a lot to get her back then, but this time our break up was mutual and I was hoping that she would come back to me. I'm just confused and don't know what to do, any advice?
cookie2 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 If all else fails you could always try telling her how you feel? Maybe she feels the same as you, maybe she doesn't. Only one way to find out.
Author james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 If all else fails you could always try telling her how you feel? Maybe she feels the same as you, maybe she doesn't. Only one way to find out. It's always me who apologises, etc. Kind of annoyed about that.
zengirl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 It's always me who apologises, etc. Kind of annoyed about that. If you don't want her back enough to apologize, then you really don't want her back. That either means your ego is more important to you than the girl, or that she's ultimately incompatible and you're seeking to change her.
Author james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 If you don't want her back enough to apologize, then you really don't want her back. That either means your ego is more important to you than the girl, or that she's ultimately incompatible and you're seeking to change her. I'm not seeking to change her, I love her the way she is. Regarding apologising, we both were at fault. It was all so heated, and she was threatening to break up, and I told her we are through.
zengirl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I'm not seeking to change her, I love her the way she is. Regarding apologising, we both were at fault. It was all so heated, and she was threatening to break up, and I told her we are through. You don't give an apology expecting to get one. You can't make anyone apologize. My point was that either it doesn't matter who was at fault (You love her and want to be with her, regardless) or it does (There are compatibility issues and/or your ego is more important than your relationship). Most people do things that make themselves unhappy because of their egos and their perceived fairness. At the same time, that doesn't mean I'm judging who is at fault. Fault matters very little. Either you want to be with her, the way things are, or you don't. If you do want to be with her, even with whatever faults she has, say so and sincerely apologize for your part in things. And stop keeping score.
phineas Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 You may love her & miss her, but do you really want to be married to someone that walks out on you every time you argue? What the heck were you argueing about anyways? It sounds like you arn't compatible.
stace79 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Agreed with zengirl. You can't keep score in a relationship. It's not about being right. It's about being loving. If she did or said something that you absolutely can't live with, then don't get back together. It's also possible that she just doesn't really want to be in the relationship with you anymore. Maybe that's why she walked out last year. You can't force someone to want to be with you, and you can't demand that she apologize if she's not really sorry.
Author james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 You may love her & miss her, but do you really want to be married to someone that walks out on you every time you argue? What the heck were you argueing about anyways? It sounds like you arn't compatible. Lol, she does not walk out all the time. She did once because I said something really rude. Made up for it though. She is short tempered, so she threatens to leave sometimes.
Author james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 We have hardly had any contact of late. We do see each other sometimes as we have mutual friends. I was trying to move on and flirted with a couple of girls, and she saw, and is apparently upset. I realised I don't want anyone else. Should I ask one of our mutual friends to help or would that look desperate ?
cookie2 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Leave other people out of it. If you want her back then as Mr. T says on the adverts, GET SOME NUTS!
stace79 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 We have hardly had any contact of late. We do see each other sometimes as we have mutual friends. I was trying to move on and flirted with a couple of girls, and she saw, and is apparently upset. I realised I don't want anyone else. Should I ask one of our mutual friends to help or would that look desperate ? You should talk to her, in person, and tell her honestly how you feel. No bull, no games or anything. And then listen to what she has to say, and respect it -- whatever it is, even if she doesn't want to reconcile.
CaliGuy Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 A. This is not your first breakup. B. She got to the point she moved out. C. This will probably happen again. As much as you love her, at this point I think you need to lick your wounds and move on. Your relationship is volatile at best and these arugments aren't going to go away. I think you both need to work on your own personal issues and then find someone else. I know that sounds harsh but in reality I think it's the best option for you both. This relationship is much more headaches than it's worth.
Hoovie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 My ex... he left me after bein together for 2 years. Came back. Left 2 years later again. Came back. Left again.... came back... He just left again. I don't think he's coming back. I can't take him back if I wanted to. I just can't keep wasting my life on someone who isn't in it for the long haul. I wasted my 20s. It sickens me. I'll now be married an old maid.
Author james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 A. This is not your first breakup. B. She got to the point she moved out. C. This will probably happen again. As much as you love her, at this point I think you need to lick your wounds and move on. Your relationship is volatile at best and these arugments aren't going to go away. I think you both need to work on your own personal issues and then find someone else. I know that sounds harsh but in reality I think it's the best option for you both. This relationship is much more headaches than it's worth. It's true that when we fight it seems like that. But the good times make the relationship worth it, and there are far more of those than the arguments. Like I said, the last time we broke up was mostly my fault and it was a short break up.
CaliGuy Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 It's true that when we fight it seems like that. But the good times make the relationship worth it, and there are far more of those than the arguments. Like I said, the last time we broke up was mostly my fault and it was a short break up. "The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, expecting different results each time...." If you expect that things will change over time automatically between you and her then I beg to differ. I am not trying to be harsh, I just want you to understand that when relationships are broken, they are usually broken for good. There is little one can do to repair the relationship but lick their wounds, learn a lesson and move on to a new one. Best of luck.
stace79 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 "The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, expecting different results each time...." If you expect that things will change over time automatically between you and her then I beg to differ. I am not trying to be harsh, I just want you to understand that when relationships are broken, they are usually broken for good. There is little one can do to repair the relationship but lick their wounds, learn a lesson and move on to a new one. Best of luck. I think it depends why their relationship was broken, which he didn't tell us. I don't know what they fight/fought over. If the two just have incompatibilities, then you're right -- he should just move on. But if they are growing and working to handle problems better and so on, then it is worth working at. I don't know which situation describes these two.
phineas Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Lol, she does not walk out all the time. She did once because I said something really rude. Made up for it though. She is short tempered, so she threatens to leave sometimes. Threatening to leave sounds manipulative to me. Still didn't tell us what the last argument was. It could of been about finances or what you were watching on TV for all we know.
Author james123 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 I think it depends why their relationship was broken, which he didn't tell us. I don't know what they fight/fought over. If the two just have incompatibilities, then you're right -- he should just move on. But if they are growing and working to handle problems better and so on, then it is worth working at. I don't know which situation describes these two. The reason for the fight is a bit complicated and personal, that is why I did not talk about it here. However, it is something that we can both sort out together, pretty easily. I guess the day we fought was just one of those really bad days. We were both bothered about certain other things completely unrelated to our relationship, and the argument became bigger than it would have been in normal circumstances.
Author james123 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Well, I sent her a text asking if we could talk.
Author james123 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Well, I sent her a text asking if we could talk. ...and got a text back saying yes. How should I go about this?
zengirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Talk to her honestly about your problems. Don't blame. Just say how you feel. See what happens.
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