that girl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Reading another thread got me thinking about the friend zone. A lot of the comments were about how the guy acted put him in the friend zone, but I don't think that's what really happens. The guys I've written off as romantic prospects but were willing to be friends with were all guys I didn't feel any attraction to. They could have planned every move perfectly and I was still never going to be interested. Which is why I think it is important for guys to make their intentions clear- most women will let you know if you don't have a shot, but if you don't make a move they may assume you just want friendship. The handful of people I know who moved from friends to more usually didn't get together earlier because they were dating other people. The one exception was a college roommate whose now husband asked her out but when she turned him down was genuinely her friend (he liked spending time with her and didn't feel taken advantage of). But maybe I'm weird. Do you guys really know of couples where the guy got out of the friendzone by constantly flirting?
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 No, in my experience, the most common situations where a guy climbed out of the friendzone was actually by being a friend and nothing more...OR completely disappearing from the girl's life...
skydiveaddict Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 No, in my experience, the most common situations where a guy climbed out of the friendzone was actually by being a friend and nothing more...OR completely disappearing from the girl's life... So true, but even then it rarely works
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 So true, but even then it rarely works Agreed. A guy should never hope of climbing out of the friendzone...but if it does happen, it's often when the guy doesn't expect it... I once climbed out of the friend zone with a girl...albeit almost after a year and a half of NC...she came back and realized that she wanted to be with me...unfortunately, bad timing prevented that one as I was with my ex...
zengirl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I've dated guys who were previously my friends, including 1 long-term (well, 2, if you count my HS sweetheart, but I don't count that as friendzoned since we were pre-puberty when we became friends) relationship. I don't think they were "pining" for me or hoping to be un-friendzoned, though. It just kind of happened. My taste in men does change from time to time. I can't say exactly why. Or sometimes people change---a person who might not have been suitable for a real relationship might become suitable, I might become more or less inclined towards a certain characteristic. What doesn't change is physical attraction. I have male friends who I sincerely think are handsome. I wouldn't date them, for whatever reason, but if the reason I wouldn't date someone is the way they look, and that doesn't change. . . I'm still not going to want to date them. If I don't dig someone, I don't dig them. I don't know if this analysis makes sense. At any rate, one should never hope for things to change. They happen or they don't happen, but don't sit around and wait. Only befriend people you actually want to be friends with.
phineas Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 No, in my experience, the most common situations where a guy climbed out of the friendzone was actually by being a friend and nothing more...OR completely disappearing from the girl's life... But, your not really in the friend-zone if your fine just being a friend & it doesn't stop you from dating other people.
EasyHeart Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 The more I think about this "friend zone" thing, the more I realize that it's not as simple as we'd like to think: 1. The classic "friend zone" situation is when a woman likes a man's personality, but doesn't find him physically attractive. There is nothing any man can do to get out of this "friend zone". 2. Some women "friend zone" men in order to test their interest. If they keep chasing even after they've been friend zoned, they must be interested. 3. Some women keep a group of male "friends" as potential future boyfriends or **** buddies. They keep these men as backups while they are dating other men, presumably so they don't have to work too hard to find a new boyfriend after they break up. 4. There are some true male-female friendships. I have several very close female friends, none of whom I would ever consider having sex with, either because I am not attracted to them or because they are married. And even in those cases, they usually start (and maintain at a low level) an element of sexual chemistry. 5. Single men rarely want to truly be "friends" with a woman. We either want to sleep with her or have nothing to do with her. So when a man is "friends" with a woman, it is either (a) a consolation prize because she is not physically attracted to him and he is likely to be miserable as her "friend" or (b) he is dating someone else and wants to keep her close as a backup. 6. Women seem to be the initiators in the overwhelming majority of these "friendships", and it's usually a passive-aggressive way of avoiding having to tell men that they are not interested. In order to have a true male-female friendship, BOTH people need to take sex out of the equation, just as it would be in a same-sex friendship, and that is very, very rare.
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