SHould I break up with my gf?

[dflight12]

Just looking for other opinions. Ever since she has started her new stressful job about 2 months ago she has been miserable. Our relationship isn't the same and the dumbest stuff gets her mad. We used to have nonstop fun, it was awesome, never fought.

 

I also think she might not trust me because she thinks I talk to all these chicks behind her back, which I don't. I care about her a lot and never had as good of a relationship with a woman until this point.

 

I don't know how to tell her all of these things. When we got into a fight last week I said I needed a break, she agreed and said we need space. Then she called me that night saying she already misses me and wants to be with me.

 

If I do break up with her it will be very hard, but I don;t know what to do. I constantly feel like I did something wrong because of the way she acts. She recently got me a ton of things for my bday,and we just went on a vacation. So the timing would also be ****ty.

 

Things are just off, I think if I break up with her she can straighten herself out on her own. Then maybe we talk down the road. But I don;t want to alienate her forever, a little hypocritical I suppose....

[OrdealByFire]

Sounds a bit like what I'm going through, except mine's an LDR.

 

I've been told and found out that a lot of the time when a girl accuses you of talking to girls without any proof, they're doing something themselves. That was the case with my current girlfriend. She was just talking to guys, but she didn't tell me. Me being me, I reluctantly forgave her.

 

You should take a break and see how long it is before she stops trying to contact you. If she starts getting inconsistent or slows down with trying to get a hold of you, she's probably moving on/losing interest/or she really wasn't THAT into you.

[zengirl]

Deja vu. Didn't you write about her before? The ER nurse?

 

If that is you. . . . My thoughts on reading this were: You so clearly want to break up with her and want strangers to tell you it's okay, since you re-wrote the whole situation more negatively this time, after being told many people thought you should support this girl if you really care about her.

 

My advice: If you're breaking up with her because of stress in her life, don't try to get back with her after she sorts it out on her own. Find a relationship with someone who you care about in the good and the bad times, or else it's just doomed.

[SassyKitten]

If you can't or won't, keyword won't, stick by her through the good times and the bad, she deserves better than you. That's what it comes down to.

Edited July 26, 2010 by SassyKitten

[dflight12]

I just get the feeling she doesn't trust me as much anymore, she is over analyzing everything and when we do have serious talks I feel we don't get anywhere because she never says whats on her mind.

 

For instance when she saw a text in my phone I sent to a girl which was "Hey", to a girl I would never cheat with, she flipped. Then we talked and what not and she said ok lets move on. Then our next fight she said she still doesn;t believe me about that. So like what the hell, I am not even lying about it, I never thought about being with another girl since i started dating her.

 

She is just not as all about fun anymore and i do not know whether to attribute it to our relationship or to her job. Either way I hate it.

 

I feel like if I break it off it could show her that I am not easy to keep and she should at least "attempt" to try to be happy when dealing with me. If we just start "talking" again I think it might just be same old, same old and we won't get anywhere. I really want to strike a chord with her.

[Candescence]

In the last thread you made, those who posted advised you to be more patient and support her.

 

Obviously, you do not want to do that and didn't like the advice, so you made another thread.

 

Now you are making more posts about reason why you should dump her.

 

Stop making threads, grow a pair and launch her already.

[SassyKitten]

I feel like if I break it off it could show her that I am not easy to keep and she should at least "attempt" to try to be happy when dealing with me. If we just start "talking" again I think it might just be same old, same old and we won't get anywhere. I really want to strike a chord with her.

 

Wow, this reminds me so much of my relationship with my recently ex-boyfriend it's scary. I started going through some dramatic things in my life, which I am not going to disclose on this board, point is he resented me for being emotional when he really should have been a man and had my back.

 

If she's cranky, maybe try cheering her up? Making her laugh? Giving her a good hug when she needs it? Giving her a footrub when she gets home from work to ease her stress and make her feel appreciated? These things do pass you know.

 

But then again, so many men seem to be so out of touch with their emotions, and resent it when a woman exhibits her own.

 

If you're not going to have her back, maybe she is better off without you.

[zengirl]

I feel like if I break it off it could show her that I am not easy to keep and she should at least "attempt" to try to be happy when dealing with me. If we just start "talking" again I think it might just be same old, same old and we won't get anywhere. I really want to strike a chord with her.

So, you want to manipulate her into being the person you want her to be, rather than support her through a new rough time in her life?

 

Wow. That sounds pretty awful.

[that girl]

Do you even like this woman?

 

She started a new job as an ER nurse just as you moved away for an internship, it isn't shocking that you've hit a bit of a rough patch. But you haven't really mentioned anything horrible (screaming fights, her checking your email behind your back).

 

Maybe she just isn't the girl for you, but regardless of where things go with her, you don't seem to have a healthy view of relationships.

 

I feel like if I break it off it could show her that I am not easy to keep and she should at least "attempt" to try to be happy when dealing with me. If we just start "talking" again I think it might just be same old, same old and we won't get anywhere. I really want to strike a chord with her.

Not only is this manipulative, I doubt it would work. It doesn't sound like she has done anything, she's just having a slightly rough time of it. You can't bully her into being happy.

 

So after we have been dating for around 4 months, I had to temporarily move an hour away from home to take an internship. We see eachother at least once a week. Whether she visits me or I go home.

 

We talk everyday, the phone convos can be real long like up to an hour. Honestly I really don't mind. But sometimes if I can;t be on the phone or just am not in the mood for a super long convo I feel she's disappointed or thinking I'm not dedicated etc..

 

On the other hand if I start to get in the habit to call her and talk to her all the time because I expect she wanted me too, I don;t want it to get to the point where shes like (subconsciously)man this guys a needy wuss.

Sure, people are sometimes too busy to talk, but most people in happy relationships want to talk to their partner. Particularly a newish relationship. You mention that you don't want to seem like a needy wuss, but really the phone calls are something you don't mind, but not something you look forward too.

 

You're just not that into her.

[Diezel]

Love people who phish for advice they want to hear.

Cool thread, bro.

[Soul Bear]

Personally, you should not be asking ANYONE if you should break up with your partner.

That is soley YOUR decision. Imagine if she wanted to break up with you, and she was asking people if she should or not? Relationships take time, effort and understanding. If neither of you are willing to put it in, then you need to cut things off and leave each other in the past. Who knows, maybe you will get back togther down, the road, but that is rare, and one party usually gets over the other before that happens.

 

You don't sound like you are really into this girl all that much. You sound like you are more concerned with how you look towards her and other people. Leave her be my friend. I agree whole heartedly with 'That Girl'

[ngo_ng]

IMHO, you should never have asked this. Perhaps, it's because I just got out of a relationship where I myself was confused in the beginning on what I wanted out of it, but you better make up your mind FAST.

 

Do you love her? The only questions you should ask yourself is: How can I make this work?

 

If you don't, then just make it easy on yourself and her, tell her that you do not see the value in this relationship anymore.

 

Just make up your mind but don't ever, ever second doubt your answer. Don't ask people to decide for you, that's exactly saying I don't know what to do, decide for me. and in this case you don't love her, and in the long term, you will hurt her more than if you dropped her and you will be unhappy. Make it work or move on please!

 

I was a bad boyfriend and I don't want this to happen again, as a LS member, that is my tip to you good luck!

[shlee]

Yes, you should break up with your gf. I think she will be much happier in the long run without you.

[flying]

I just get the feeling she doesn't trust me as much anymore, she is over analyzing everything and when we do have serious talks I feel we don't get anywhere because she never says whats on her mind.

 

For instance when she saw a text in my phone I sent to a girl which was "Hey", to a girl I would never cheat with, she flipped. Then we talked and what not and she said ok lets move on. Then our next fight she said she still doesn;t believe me about that. So like what the hell, I am not even lying about it, I never thought about being with another girl since i started dating her.

 

She is just not as all about fun anymore and i do not know whether to attribute it to our relationship or to her job. Either way I hate it.

 

I feel like if I break it off it could show her that I am not easy to keep and she should at least "attempt" to try to be happy when dealing with me. If we just start "talking" again I think it might just be same old, same old and we won't get anywhere. I really want to strike a chord with her.

 

This is weird, because in previous threads you started about this relationship you mentioned that you were looking at her FB inbox and what you saw there upset you and made you think less of her.

 

I'm not particularly adamant about snooping/not snooping, but I do think it's a little hypocritical to get annoyed about her not trusting you and overanalyzing stuff she finds in your phone, when you were all worried about her being a slut and stuff because you snooped in her FB inbox and found a bunch of emails she had received from some guys before you were even officially dating. I mean, come on.

 

Based on all of these various threads you've started about her in the last month or so, it really sounds like you just want to run away from the relationship. Whether you want to justify it by her being possibly too promiscuous for you, having a tough job or just not being fun anymore doesn't much matter. The point is, you're looking for reasons to leave. So maybe just let this one go already. Trust me, that's kinder than demonizing her in your mind as a prelude to ending the relationship.

[Ilovehim]

So she has a stressful job and is cranky sometimes...and that is why you want to dump her? Also why are you texting other women? NO GIRL likes her boyfriend talking to other girls AND NO ONE IS PERFECT AND IN HAPPY LALA LAND all the time. you're not man enough for thinking this way and she deserves someone better than you. I feel bad for your girlfriend & would hate to be in her shoes. Women & men also, want their partner to support them and be there through thick and thin.