OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 She's beautiful. She's got a 4.0 GPA. Her family's got money. Meanwhile, I'm an average looking guy, with an average GPA, and a family with money... but. My dad's cheating on my mom, so we see [just about] none of it. That's a different story entirely. What do I do about this? I've told her a couple times she's too good for me, and I know that's a complete mistake because there's the possibility she may wake up and realize that, and dump me... but what do I do? I'm pretty sure she's getting the hint that I'm super jealous and needy - I text her first 80%+ of the time. So maybe it's a simple answer, but what should I do or say?
You'reasian Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 She's beautiful. She's got a 4.0 GPA. Her family's got money. Meanwhile, I'm an average looking guy, with an average GPA, and a family with money... but. My dad's cheating on my mom, so we see [just about] none of it. That's a different story entirely. What do I do about this? I've told her a couple times she's too good for me, and I know that's a complete mistake because there's the possibility she may wake up and realize that, and dump me... but what do I do? I'm pretty sure she's getting the hint that I'm super jealous and needy - I text her first 80%+ of the time. So maybe it's a simple answer, but what should I do or say? Look at some of the more successful people in life: CEO's, entreprenuers, Senators. What were their GPA's? All over the board, my friend. People are not GPAs or numbers. The fact that you may respond to this shows that you are more than a 2-digit number. Years after you graduate, people will make a short mention of the school you attended - most won't care... in other words, most people won't give a rats @ss what your GPA was although they may want to know as long as you have your degree. As far as being super jealous and needy - just be you. She hasn't broken up with you yet, so apparently she's enjoying your initiative. The more experience you have being in a relationship, you will adjust. Nothing happens overnight.
sagetalk Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Stop dooming yourself. Splash some cold water on your face, get a grip and be a man. It doesn't matter if she's a millionaire or a beggar, if she's the girl you want, go after her. Inferiority is a big mistake in dating. "But she has big breasts and can get any guy" "She's rich, I'm not" "She's skinny, guys are always looking at her" "She hangs with the popular crowd" Blah, blah, blah, blah, who gives a crap. She likes you, that's what you should focus on. If she starts distancing herself or seeing/talking about other guys, then that's when you should be concerned. If she does, drop communications and keep looking. Dating is hard and painful, but living with an inferiority complex is far worse. She didn't do anything to earn that money, just treat her like you would any other girl that you like.
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 Thanks sage. Good points... more on that inferiority thing, I'm not even sure WHAT she sees in me. She is someone I really want to be with and I could see things going a lot further - even though it's only been 5 months - but you're right. I can't expect her to stay with me if I keep wondering or asking her why she's still with me - I realize that's completely asinine.
D-Lish Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 You have to stop announcing your insecurity so openly and loudly! You say you're afraid your gf is going to "figure out" you're not worthy- but the truth is you're going to drive her away with this type of attitude. In effect, you're setting yourself up to fall, and you're in the driver's seat!
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Thanks sage. Good points... more on that inferiority thing, I'm not even sure WHAT she sees in me. She is someone I really want to be with and I could see things going a lot further - even though it's only been 5 months - but you're right. I can't expect her to stay with me if I keep wondering or asking her why she's still with me - I realize that's completely asinine. Look... you need to stop thinking this girl is something special. Kick her off that pedestal now... before she kicks it over for you! Your getting relationship performance anxiety. Why don't you list her bad traits here, it will help you get perspective. Don't you dare try to say she doesn't have any!
D-Lish Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Look... you need to stop thinking this girl is something special. Kick her off that pedestal now... before she kicks it over for you! Your getting relationship performance anxiety. Why don't you list her bad traits here, it will help you get perspective. Don't you dare try to say she doesn't have any! I think what he needs to do is cope better with how he views himself.
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 I view myself terribly, I'll admit that. It's really pretty pathetic how much I basically hate myself. Bad traits? I know she's got some, I'd have to think of some. Her bad traits I can't get mad at her for though, I'm pretty sure just about nearly all of them are the same traits I have. She's a hypocrite, but me complaining about that would make me one. She has lied, but so have I, so I can't give her hell for that. She hid talking to guys from me after we had promised we'd tell each other who we talked to. That sounds kinda weird and psycho, but we agreed on it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I think what he needs to do is cope better with how he views himself. That would be great... but probably won't work in this age bracket. It will happen naturally over time. Clearly his friends are failing him. My friends would have smacked the doe eyed look right off my face. When he realized that she is just as flawed, or more flawed than him... the self destructive stuff should dissipate.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I view myself terribly, I'll admit that. It's really pretty pathetic how much I basically hate myself. Bad traits? I know she's got some, I'd have to think of some. Her bad traits I can't get mad at her for though, I'm pretty sure just about nearly all of them are the same traits I have. She's a hypocrite, but me complaining about that would make me one. She has lied, but so have I, so I can't give her hell for that. She hid talking to guys from me after we had promised we'd tell each other who we talked to. That sounds kinda weird and psycho, but we agreed on it. You also mentioned she is a bit chubby, and insecure about porn. Is she spoiled by her parents or get lots of attention from them?
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Sure is spoiled. 7 acres of land. 4,000 square foot house, shops every week, sometimes more than once a week, yeah. She's spoiled. Self admitted. She doesn't get so much attention from her parents. I mean she hangs around them a lot of the time, but she claims her mom isn't much of a mom. I don't know the exact situation but. I'll say yes to that question.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Sure is spoiled. 7 acres of land. 4,000 square foot house, shops every week, sometimes more than once a week, yeah. She's spoiled. Self admitted. She doesn't get so much attention from her parents. I mean she hangs around them a lot of the time, but she claims her mom isn't much of a mom. I don't know the exact situation but. I'll say yes to that question. I'm going to be real honest and say this girl is not sounding very good to me. She is going to have huge attention issues... expect a guy to spend gobs of money on her.... she will also have self esteem issues... plus she is already hitting up other guys behind your back... and hypocritical? I suppose it might be a good idea to switch gears. What do you see positive about yourself?
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 i see nothing positive about myself. at all. and i've told her that i probably won't have a super great job to spoil her and what not, but she claims she won't need it. the hypocrisy thing i can't... get too upset about. i'm a hypocrite too a lot of the time. she had guys added on facebook and msn messenger and whatnot, but she deleted them all. she even gave me her msn password to stalk her email and whatever - i feel crappy for doing that - and it looked clean. she's made sacrifices and so have i. but anyways, i really see nothing positive about myself. i could criticize myself all day. people would say i'm just attention whoring, and i'm really not. i mean some days i look in the mirror and think i'm pretty good looking, but then on MOST days, i'm ... basically disgusted.
gamma1 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 So maybe it's a simple answer, but what should I do or say? She wants to date you so you are good enough for her. It can't get simpler than that.
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 She wants to date you so you are good enough for her. It can't get simpler than that. Then when I realize that, I think "Soon enough she'll find someone else better looking and with a direction."
gamma1 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Then when I realize that, I think "Soon enough she'll find someone else better looking and with a direction." She might find someone she likes better one day. You might find someone you like better one day. You are only 19 and most people don't meet their spouses by 19. You have a girlfriend and you really should start enjoying the moment.
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 We both have anxiety about that. We've also realized (I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this somewhere.) that we suck when we try texting each other or talk on AIM. We're really only happy when we talk on the phone... that's a good thing though, right? And hey, I know what you're saying. I don't want to be like this. I'm just trying to fix it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 i see nothing positive about myself. at all. and i've told her that i probably won't have a super great job to spoil her and what not, but she claims she won't need it. the hypocrisy thing i can't... get too upset about. i'm a hypocrite too a lot of the time. Yeah... her parents are paying now... If your used to driving nice cars and one day I take it away from you and make you drive a beater... are you going to be happy and accept that? Dude... stop it! You have to have good traits... and if not... the possibility of good traits. Freakin A... She IS dating you. So she sees something she likes. What is it?
gamma1 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 i see nothing positive about myself. at all. You should spend some time thinking about the positive things about yourself. There are plenty. I don't buy for a second that you have no talents.
D-Lish Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 but anyways, i really see nothing positive about myself. i could criticize myself all day. people would say i'm just attention whoring, and i'm really not. You may think you're not seeking attention, but that's exactly what you're doing. Every negative comment you make about yourself demands a response. Your insecurity is setting off a chain reaction in your relationship. Because you don't like yourself, you can't comprehend how your gf could possibly like you, so you place your own fears and insecurities on your gf. Right now, your gf is letting you monitor her accounts, but at some point she's going to become resentful of this.
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Her parents bought her two older sisters new cars the second they got their license from my understanding... but anyways, She basically likes knowing that I wouldn't cheat on her or intentionally hurt her. She constantly says I'm "perfect" but I can't believe that for a second. I can list a bunch of things that I do that bother her. I've asked her what some of my flaws are, and she said insecurity, and something else... but then right afterwards she said "I like that you're insecure though." ... so I have no idea what to even think when she says that. I guess I can be funny (eh. even though immature) sometimes, but a lot of the time I'm so negative it makes most of my day suck and I feel 'eh.' EDIT: I should rephrase, I don't MEAN to get attention.
gamma1 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I guess I can be funny (eh. even though immature) sometimes, but a lot of the time I'm so negative it makes most of my day suck and I feel 'eh.' That's one positive. There are many more.
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) i see nothing positive about myself. at all. and i've told her that i probably won't have a super great job to spoil her and what not, but she claims she won't need it. the hypocrisy thing i can't... get too upset about. i'm a hypocrite too a lot of the time. she had guys added on facebook and msn messenger and whatnot, but she deleted them all. she even gave me her msn password to stalk her email and whatever - i feel crappy for doing that - and it looked clean. she's made sacrifices and so have i. but anyways, i really see nothing positive about myself. i could criticize myself all day. people would say i'm just attention whoring, and i'm really not. i mean some days i look in the mirror and think i'm pretty good looking, but then on MOST days, i'm ... basically disgusted. Drop the emo culture. Hacking into other's facebook accounts and sending out messages is pathetic. You know better. Lastly, trolling is 90's... Edited July 26, 2010 by You'reasian
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) I didn't.... hack? She gave. You said she gave you her password to "stalk and whatever"? That's an interesting choice of words... I don't know many women in their regular thinking give their guy a password to "stalk and whatever" because most women do not like stalking. You probably got it through other means. Look at how many women come on here to complain about stalking Considering the other outrageous stories you've posted, you are attention hungry and you use electronic means to get it, apparently. I'm sure there are people in your life who would give you the attention you need but you gotta open up to them. Edited July 26, 2010 by You'reasian
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