jakinbandw Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 So my GF dumped me. What bothered me was that she broke down crying telling me that I deserved some better. I spent some time talking with her and she finally said that she was having trouble loving me other than as a friend. Fair enough... I can understand that (though I had a harder time understanding what she meant when she said she didn't feel a swell of music when we kissed, something that seems silly to me) So I allowed myself a single hurtful jab and wished her well and walked out. I still love her, though I am working on breaking myself of that. I honestly do hope that she ends up happy. The thing is that I wonder if she thought she was doing me a favor by telling me how I had done nothing wrong and all the fault was with her. It wasn't. I may be wrong but in my opinion it would have been nicer just to say that it was my fault and have been quite mean about it. Then I could have hated her. I even told her that I thought that if we had tried the relationship could have worked. she agreed. That was not codusive to making me believe the relationship was over! So any of you been on one side or the other of a break up where it was said the other person deserved more? How did it feel or why did you say it?
norajane Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Yes, it means "I don't want to make more of an effort than I have been - or at all, really - and I don't love you like you love me and I know I'm never going to, so I'm breaking up with you so you can find someone who does want to make an effort and who can love you more than I do." She did you a favor so you don't waste more of your time and emotion on her because she knows she can't return it.
OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 Yes, it means "I don't want to make more of an effort than I have been - or at all, really - and I don't love you like you love me and I know I'm never going to, so I'm breaking up with you so you can find someone who does want to make an effort and who can love you more than I do." She did you a favor so you don't waste more of your time and emotion on her because she knows she can't return it. Well said. Exactly what she's saying by doing that. Consider yourself lucky.
Serenitynow Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I think thats just a bs cover-up excuse. Its just a way to lessen the blow of guilt and blame in your ex gf's mind. She may not even realize thats why she said it, but I think thats why people use that line.
OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 "It's not you, it's me." "You're giving me the 'it's not you, it's me' routine?" Gotta love Seinfeld.
make me believe Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 It's just a cop-out, bullsh*t way not to tell somebody the real reason you don't want to be with them anymore. It lessens the guilt of the person initiating the breakup because they get to feel like they're being all noble & valiant by setting you free to find someone "better."
tigressA Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 It's just a cop-out, bullsh*t way not to tell somebody the real reason you don't want to be with them anymore. It lessens the guilt of the person initiating the breakup because they get to feel like they're being all noble & valiant by setting you free to find someone "better." I admit to using this line before, once. It does lessen the guilt of the person using it but at its heart, it is true. Someone better for you would be someone who would be willing and capable of putting the effort in to maintain a relationship with you.
Serenitynow Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 "It's not you, it's me." "You're giving me the 'it's not you, it's me' routine?" Gotta love Seinfeld. I invented its me its not you if its anyone its me. Ok George your right it is you. You're damn right its me. LOL
zengirl Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 So any of you been on one side or the other of a break up where it was said the other person deserved more? How did it feel or why did you say it? When I broke up with my most recent boyfriend, I said something like this, I think. . . He was looking for marriage, and I didn't see that with him. We just wanted different lives in general, and, honestly, I was never 100% in the relationship, though I didn't realize it till near the end. It was a short one, though, only about 4 months. I also dated a guy for a little over a year, back when I was 22ish, and we kind of both agreed the other deserved more. That was an interesting break-up. It was kind of like an "Are you happy?" "No. Are you happy?" "No. We deserve better than this, yeah?" "Yeah, totally, I think we should break up" (Paraphrased) kind of thing. I used to never think mutual break-ups were possible until that happened to me. We were both sick of fighting. I've been dumped once in a short relationship, but he didn't give me any lame lines. He just said he wanted to screw other girls. Really. I tend to think it doesn't much matter what you say when you break up with someone, it's always going to suck. At any rate, I think people mostly "mean" this when they say it to an extent. Everyone does deserve someone who wants to be with them and not someone who really doesn't.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 (though I had a harder time understanding what she meant when she said she didn't feel a swell of music when we kissed, something that seems silly to me) Whenever I hear someone say these kinds of things, I always feel like,"I'm immature" has just been written all over their forehead. My friend broke up with a boyfriend for this reason. =/ She was afraid to tell me about it because she knew that I thought breaking up with someone for that reason is the dumbest thing you can do. It's one thing to say you can't find that person attractive and it's another thing entirely to delusionally talk about relationships as if you are in a fairy tale or romance novel. You're better off without her, she's right. She didn't appreciate you. I don't think this is a bs excuse, but I do think it comes from girls who have no idea what love really is and just want infatuation.
stillafool Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 I admit to using this line before, once. It does lessen the guilt of the person using it but at its heart, it is true. Someone better for you would be someone who would be willing and capable of putting the effort in to maintain a relationship with you. I agree. I have used it also because it was true. It would be mean to blame the other person when you are the one who wants to break up. In that case they do deserve someone better who will love them. What is wrong with that?
Recommended Posts