spookie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 We each have reasons why we trust our partners not to cheat on us, hurt us, abandon us out of the blue. What are yours? Which provide you with the most faith? Which do you think are the most important? Some common reasons I can think of are: 1. Belief in partner's ethical/moral unrighteousness 2. Partner's religious beliefs 3. Belief that he/ she is unwilling to hurt you 4. Belief that he/ she is unwilling to lose you, and doesn't think (s)he can get away with eating his cake 5. Partner's fear of STD's 6. Partner's undesirability
Author spookie Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 We each have reasons why we trust our partners not to cheat on us, hurt us, abandon us out of the blue. What are yours? Which provide you with the most faith? Which do you think are the most important? Some common reasons I can think of are: 1. Belief in partner's ethical/moral unrighteousness 2. Partner's religious beliefs 3. Belief that he/ she is unwilling to hurt you 4. Belief that he/ she is unwilling to lose you, and doesn't think (s)he can get away with eating his cake 5. Partner's fear of STD's 6. Partner's undesirability IMO, 1 & 2 make for the most solid relationships. For me, I would say most of my trust at the moment is coming from 3 - 5, though there is potential for more trust from 1 and 2 down the road. Right now, I don't think I know my BF well enough to comment on his moral unrighteousness, and we haven't discussed religious beliefs.
Pyro Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 1 and 3 for me. She has never given me a reason to doubt her in the least bit.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 You seemed to have listed them from most important to least important actually, on accident. I'd also add to the list not being deceitful or a liar about things. My boyfriend did lie to me about some huge things in our relationship in the past and it did shake my trust in him not to cheat on me a whole lot. I think honest people are less likely to cheat or do things that they would be afraid to be honest about.
Author spookie Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 (edited) Thanks for or the input. Adding to my list: -respect for societal norms and willingness to fullfil accompanying obligations IMO, someone who respects the tradition of marriage, with all the meaning those vows bear, is less likely to cheat than someone more ambivalent about it. -commitment to notion of true love Even though I don't "value" this reason behinf faithfulness in others as some of the others I have listed, this is probably the strongest thing I got going for me. Once I commit, I'm fcvking committed. I will chase you to the edge of the world whether you want me to or not, not so much as glancing at another man if I believe we might still have a chance together. In other words, my being a bunny boiler actually ought to make you trust me in this case. Edited July 24, 2010 by spookie
Sabali Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I trust my SOs when I am in a relationship after someone brought a good point up to me years ago. Someone asked a group of us guys if we decided to not trust our girlfriends or wives, who do we think it hurts more, them or us. I thought what a foolish question but then he explained himself. He said something of the effect that if you don't trust them, then you are always wondering and obsessing over what terrible act they may be committing, you will avoid convenient ways of having things done because you don't trust her to do them or be alone doing it, and she will know that you don't trust her and will react negatively to it etc.,This all works against you. After thinking about it for the rest of the day, I decided that it all made sense. So I tend to just trust those I am in a relationship with. If I don't trust them, I just simply couldn't be in a relationship with them.
Author spookie Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 I trust my SOs when I am in a relationship after someone brought a good point up to me years ago. Someone asked a group of us guys if we decided to not trust our girlfriends or wives, who do we think it hurts more, them or us. I thought what a foolish question but then he explained himself. He said something of the effect that if you don't trust them, then you are always wondering and obsessing over what terrible act they may be committing, you will avoid convenient ways of having things done because you don't trust her to do them or be alone doing it, and she will know that you don't trust her and will react negatively to it etc.,This all works against you. After thinking about it for the rest of the day, I decided that it all made sense. So I tend to just trust those I am in a relationship with. If I don't trust them, I just simply couldn't be in a relationship with them. AWESOME answer!!! I remember thinking through this at one point myself, actually. I think grasping this is probably what allowed me to start trusting my bf, in the first place. But I forgot this grain of truth when I began to evaluate why I trust him! As a succinct "reason", do you think it can be summarized by something like: -trust as choice (made in self-interest)
allina Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I trust my SO 100% and know that he would never cheat on me because all his actions over the last 4 years have shown me that he loves and treasures me more than anything in this world.
zengirl Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Not with someone here, but I've always trusted my boyfriends and never been wrong so far as I know (lied to, cheated on, etc). I'm not saying they were always 100% upfront about everything -- I mean, as human beings we all process internally and lie to ourselves and hold back at times. But they were all really good, honest guys. I guess it's mostly #1 and #3, but I didn't really think of it that way. I would say belief in my partner's kindness and honesty. So depends on the way you're using "ethics and morals." I don't focus on the ingrained morality (societal) of a person so much as their own good nature. Good people don't want to lie to, cheat on, or hurt people, if they can help it. I believe all the people I care about are good people, unless they show me otherwise. Otherwise, I wouldn't care about them! If I didn't trust someone, I wouldn't be with them. Period. Because, to me, that means there's either something wrong with me or them, and there's no reason for a relationship. I don't let my own insecurities get in the way of trust. I am conscious of them.
HeldbyGravity Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 [sIZE=2]My partner is a trustworthy guy. It’s just his nature. So I guess I have a belief that he’s unwilling to hurt me, at least not by cheating or abandoning me. (by far, this is what gives me the most faith/is the most important) History too. He has never abandoned me thus far, and even in our friendship, which goes back way longer than our relationship, he has always been considerate and reliable. He’s also got a pretty darn good set of morals, more than most people I know, so he wouldn’t purposefully hurt me, based on those. I do think that part of it is, in the back of my mind, that he loves me and wouldn’t want to lose me, but I wouldn’t mind if he had the same kind of security blanket concerning me. [/sIZE]
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 1 and 3 for me. She has never given me a reason to doubt her in the least bit. That is solid.
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