How to just relax in this situation?

[molimo140]

Wow jeez, it's been a long time since I was on here. Well hello again everyone, I'm back with an interesting situation.

 

I met a girl at the end of May, very shortly before leaving for a two week vacation to Europe. We had one date before I left and I thought it was pretty much over when I left (I mean who waits 2 weeks for a guy who they aren't really even dating?), but we kept in contact over facebook messages while I was gone and lo and behold we kept going when I returned.

 

Things were going great, though eventually when things took a turn towards the more serious, we had an interesting conversation.

 

She explained to me that she had never kept a boyfriend around for long because she doesn't want to "miss out" on whatever may come along. Said that she enjoys being hit on at work because she loves the attention, gets guys numbers all the time, etc, and that I had to know that if we were going to continue, - and i quote - "I dump guys so I don't have to cheat on them, and this could happen at any time".

 

Needless to say I was pretty floored by this comment as I've always been the opposite - explore something as far as it will go because who knows when you'll find that again.

 

She said that she really wanted a relationship with me, but she didn't want to hurt me. She said she was willing to give it a try if I was, and I agreed (though with nagging doubt in my mind).

 

Two days later (while drunk and having sex, so take it with a grain of salt) she told me she loved me. She explained it later as the sort of thing you say to everyone - "i love my friends", etc.

 

Fast forward a month and here we are, still together. I really care for her a lot, I think that we have a lot of chemistry and are doing well, though I'm constantly paranoid by what she said a month ago.

 

I'm worried all the time that she's going to dump me over some superfluous nonsense just so she can chase some new hot guy who walks in the door. It's really bothering me, not that I (entirely) think she will, but it's getting to the point where I can't relax and am suspicious all the time.

 

I don't really feel like dumping her, but that may be the only way I can get over this anxiety. Should I trust her? Can I trust her? I don't know. Feedback is very much welcome.

[robdrm32]

I commend her for her blunt honesty I must say.

 

She meant every word she said man, you may stay together another week, month, 3 months. The point is she knows how she is, when the next best thing comes along she is going to drop you.

 

The only way you can guard yourself, is by not caring. If you can be comfortable in a non-serious relationship, knowing that it may end tomorrow for the sole reason that she met someone else, then stick with it.

 

If not just go your own ways.

 

I really have respect for her being that open with you in the beginning. Do not forget what she said, otherwise you may fall for her (if you haven't already). And you won't be able to blame her one shred.

 

Just stop caring.

[You'reasian]

Wow jeez, it's been a long time since I was on here. Well hello again everyone, I'm back with an interesting situation.

 

I met a girl at the end of May, very shortly before leaving for a two week vacation to Europe. We had one date before I left and I thought it was pretty much over when I left (I mean who waits 2 weeks for a guy who they aren't really even dating?), but we kept in contact over facebook messages while I was gone and lo and behold we kept going when I returned.

 

Things were going great, though eventually when things took a turn towards the more serious, we had an interesting conversation.

 

She explained to me that she had never kept a boyfriend around for long because she doesn't want to "miss out" on whatever may come along. Said that she enjoys being hit on at work because she loves the attention, gets guys numbers all the time, etc, and that I had to know that if we were going to continue, - and i quote - "I dump guys so I don't have to cheat on them, and this could happen at any time".

 

Needless to say I was pretty floored by this comment as I've always been the opposite - explore something as far as it will go because who knows when you'll find that again.

 

She said that she really wanted a relationship with me, but she didn't want to hurt me. She said she was willing to give it a try if I was, and I agreed (though with nagging doubt in my mind).

 

Two days later (while drunk and having sex, so take it with a grain of salt) she told me she loved me. She explained it later as the sort of thing you say to everyone - "i love my friends", etc.

 

Fast forward a month and here we are, still together. I really care for her a lot, I think that we have a lot of chemistry and are doing well, though I'm constantly paranoid by what she said a month ago.

 

I'm worried all the time that she's going to dump me over some superfluous nonsense just so she can chase some new hot guy who walks in the door. It's really bothering me, not that I (entirely) think she will, but it's getting to the point where I can't relax and am suspicious all the time.

 

I don't really feel like dumping her, but that may be the only way I can get over this anxiety. Should I trust her? Can I trust her? I don't know. Feedback is very much welcome.

 

She's told you she likes to get around. There's nothing wrong with that. Enjoy, but if you are looking for something serious this is not the one...

[molimo140]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Yeah what you guys said is pretty much what I've been thinking lately. I mean it's like the trust has gone out the window over the last month and that should be a pretty big friggin red flag.

 

Bah, I'll just convince myself that I'll be better off.

[zengirl]

From what you say, there's really no reason why the "trust" should've gone anywhere. She was honest and trustworthy from the start. The issue is more that you want something different than what she's willing to give and convinced yourself it was possible. And now you've convinced yourself its not possible.

 

But, really, anyone in any relationship can leave at any moment, for any reason. And, unless you're married, without any real fuss or notice.

 

If you can't live with the unease of her honesty, I think that's reasonable, and it certainly shows her to be a "free spirit" "live in the moment" personality (more than I'd like in a fellow, so I can't blame you for not wanting to be with her for it) that wouldn't make the best relationship partner.

 

However, if you really like her, I'm not sure I'd actually recommend you leave her just because. FWIW, I was trying to think what I'd tell a gal friend if she said her guy had started, with saying this to her, and I really wouldn't be all, "Dump him!" about it. All depends on the cost (Does her view make you truly incompatible? Are you really overwrought about it?) to benefit (How much do you like her?) ratio.