Disillusioned Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Something's wrong with this picture. For one, I know what I like and my efforts to find someone are starting to get results, but then the damndest thing happens: I didn't feel the hots at all for either of the women I dated. Zilch. Nothing. Like a robot. My first date in 23 years was last Friday, and this Tuesday was my 2nd. I didn't feel like this 23 years ago. Sometime between then and now, I lost the ability to feel that spark of attraction. Like someone shot me up with relationship Novocain. Worse, there's not much I can do about it. I mean, how can someone learn to fall in love again? Is my sense of trust really that destroyed? I've never heard of a therapy which addresses THAT.
bayouboi Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 sh*t dewd, i'm only 29 & my sense of trust in women is already destroyed. i think coming here and reading the honest perspectives of women has reinforced my mistrust lol.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Are you sure you are dating the right girls? You might just be with the wrong kinds of people. You also may not view relationships as necessary as you did before and therefore not feel as excited about pursuing them. I don't think it's a trust thing because you're not saying,"Girls are all awful" or anything of the sort.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Something's wrong with this picture. For one, I know what I like and my efforts to find someone are starting to get results, but then the damndest thing happens: I didn't feel the hots at all for either of the women I dated. Zilch. Nothing. Like a robot. My first date in 23 years was last Friday, and this Tuesday was my 2nd. I didn't feel like this 23 years ago. Sometime between then and now, I lost the ability to feel that spark of attraction. Like someone shot me up with relationship Novocain. Worse, there's not much I can do about it. I mean, how can someone learn to fall in love again? Is my sense of trust really that destroyed? I've never heard of a therapy which addresses THAT. Just push through guy. I'm kinda doing the same thing right now. After a while you will start to feel it again. You have to let your walls down eventually, just make sure it's someone worthy. I go through waves were I'm just not interested at all. The one thing that's left me scratching my head is that I thought being honest about just getting out of a relationship and wanting to go slow would be a positive... but instead they seem to think I'm a headcase.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I don't think it's a trust thing because you're not saying,"Girls are all awful" or anything of the sort. Wrong. Do you think the only guys with trust issues are the ones that blame all women? There are many different ways to handle this. Men who fear rejection put their wall out very far and just mistrust all women. Men who fear intimacy keep their walls much closer to their heart.
tincanman99 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Its funny that this is being brought up because I have been emotionally cold toward dating for a long time already. You know that feeling when you were younger and you really liked someone and were excited to see them? The whole crush thing where you were really into someone and infatuated? The mention of being shot up with Novocaine sums it up. I am numb and just dont care. I am kind of like this - why bother, its going to turn into a train wreck anyway. Waste of time, money and emotions. That whole spark thing is just not there. I feel nothing. Honestly I dont hate women, blame them or anything. I actually love women and have some very good women friends who I am close with. I am just dead inside.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Wrong. Do you think the only guys with trust issues are the ones that blame all women? There are many different ways to handle this. Men who fear rejection put their wall out very far and just mistrust all women. Men who fear intimacy keep their walls much closer to their heart. Obviously not. I said "or anything of the sort" because I didn't want to list extensively all the possible things people could say when they had trust issues. Like you said, it's a lot of different things. Although tincanman99 explained it well, how this could numbness be a trust issue. I didn't think of it the way.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Obviously not. I said "or anything of the sort" because I didn't want to list extensively all the possible things people could say when they had trust issues. Like you said, it's a lot of different things. Although tincanman99 explained it well, how this could numbness be a trust issue. I didn't think of it the way. Yeah, there are many different ways to deal with our insecurities. Once you begin to believe that pain and tragedy is unavoidable... you become numb... apathetic. I think this is less common for women... I say that because women tend to deal with insecurity like this in a much healthier manner.
Serenitynow Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 (edited) sh*t dewd, i'm only 29 & my sense of trust in women is already destroyed. i think coming here and reading the honest perspectives of women has reinforced my mistrust lol. honest perspectives ? That is very far from the truth. If you really pay attention, and read enough posts here, you will find that the perspectives arent all that honest. Theres maybe a handful of women on here that give TRUE insight into the female mind. Most of them still have that wall of defense around them. You would think being anonymous would allow full disclosure but it rarely happens on here. There have been women on this forum that will make a post, and then later that day, or a few days later, they reply to their own post and admit how they want to clear the air, or come clean with all the details. So if a few are coming clean, than you know theres many more that arent being totally honest from the begining either. A lot of women just dont know how to lay everything on the table without holding a few of the major details back. Its like they feel stripped bare if they put themselves out there. You will also find a lot of the women contradict themelves in different threads. Their opinions seem to flip flop in regards to the subject, and more so WHO the author of the thread is male or female. . Edited July 21, 2010 by Serenitynow
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Its like they feel stripped bare if they put themselves out there. You will also find a lot of the women contradict themelves in different threads. Their opinions seem to flip flop in regards to the subject, and more so WHO the author of the thread is male or female. . I think your way off base on this one. Show me one example of what your talking about here.
Serenitynow Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I'm not going to call someone out like that just to prove a point to you. And yes I would have to post their name and thread, because if I didnt, than you would just say, "well you just wrote that yourself" .
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I'm not going to call someone out like that just to prove a point to you. And yes I would have to post their name and thread, because if I didnt, than you would just say, "well you just wrote that yourself" . Keep in mind that it's impossible to prove WHY someone did something. Even if someone's opinions vary from thread to thread, it doesn't mean you know why they vary. Those are assumptions you are making, unless they directly stated,"My opinion changes depending on the gender of the person I am talking to."
Serenitynow Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Keep in mind that it's impossible to prove WHY someone did something. Even if someone's opinions vary from thread to threadI would hope that a given on here, to know that. There are also a handful of people that purposely give biased answers to the opposite sex as a form of entertainer, or as a way to taint the thread. but I still stand by my guns saying theres much less honesty here than was mentioned bayouboi
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I'm not going to call someone out like that just to prove a point to you. And yes I would have to post their name and thread, because if I didnt, than you would just say, "well you just wrote that yourself" . Then just send it to me in a PM I will come back to the thread and either agree or disagree. Right now I strongly disagree.
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