bolase Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I am not quite happy being with my new boyfriend...I don't know whether to try a different approach or just get out now, instead of something messier down the line.. Firstly, I hate to admit it, but I am still hurting over my ex. We broke up 1 year ago over legitimate value differences and he started dating a friend straight away, who always liked him. Theyre still together and perfect for each other. Fine. While I'm not attracted to my ex and dont feel the deep connection at all like I once did, I am jealous of their close friendship more than anything as that's what I miss with him - he was my best friend in this town, and while I have others, I can't be friends with him as its too frustrating and weird to see him with my old friend, who didn't say anything to me until I saw them together...it was a whirlwind but I've processed it, hit it head on and, mostly, recovered. I'm with (since 3 months) a lovely, kind but sometimes destructive guy who has been a friend for 3 years. It started really well, we're different but share values, interests and are on each others' level...but I don't feel as connected to him, I don't fully trust him with my emotions...I trusted my ex from day 1. My new boyfriend is independent and I fear that while he cares deeply, he doesn't feel that strong bond with me either. He gets very depressed even though he has everything going for him; while at the moment I'm between a degree and a job and fighting to carve out my career, even though he sees me as always so happy and so perfect...lucky me that I have a positive-ness! I guess! I'd like him to be there for me, but he tends to push me away when he's feeling down, so I dont feel like I can come in and rant about my bad day to him! I told him this, that I couldn't deal with it unless he talked to me about his ups and downs. After that, things improved. He said he would normally run, but valued our relationship so wanted to get help, and is now on antidepressants. The flip side is that when he's up, he is really into his work and successes which is great, but I end up feeling slightly anxious that I am not good enough - but really I just feel like we're in the same patterns of emotion and haven't bonded because neither of us are quite secure in our lives..my ex was so so positive..and I just don't know what to do. My boyfriend is not very physically affectionate, I told him this last night, and he said are you complaining or just describing.? Were your other boyfriends all over you? I said no, I know its just you, its just a little less touch than I'm used to. Now I regret that because I think I sound too vulnerable and needy, even though affection is important to me. Do any of you with partners with depression think their meds affect their personalities sometimes? Anyways..I realise well that part of the problem in my head is mine, my own worth, and I don't know whether I just have to break up with him to save my own happiness. I like him but it is stresing me more than causing me to feel happy at the moment. Sorry for the super long post, but I am really grateful to be able to talk to strangers about this
skydiveaddict Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I think you still have feelings for your ex. But dont hold antidepressants against your bf. I needed them when I came back from the war, did me a world of good.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I'm with (since 3 months) a lovely, kind but sometimes destructive guy who has been a friend for 3 years. It started really well, we're different but share values, interests and are on each others' level...but I don't feel as connected to him, I don't fully trust him with my emotions...I trusted my ex from day 1. Ever think that feeling reluctant now has everything to do with the past? It's far easier to trust people when you haven't experienced being burned. You will always approach future situations based on past experiences.
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