beachlover Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and everything has been great, we spend the majority of our free time together and have from the beginning, which has always been more of an issue for me than for him. I am used to having my free time because my last relationships weren't like this, so I have kinda pushed for my one or two free days a week to go out with a friend or just be at home. I was in school for a while so even spending a night doing homework was a night to be on my own. He on the other hand is perfectly fine spending every free second together. He got laid off in March and I work 40-50 hours a week and I have a high pace job where when I get home I want to be able to relax for an hour or so before going and doing something, depending on the day. Ever since he lost his job he has been doing next to nothing all day then wanting to go do everything when I get home. (Side note: we don't live together technically but he spends most nights at my place as I have a cat and a job, he goes to his place during the day while I am at work.) The last week or so I have been feeling like maybe he isn't the right guy for me, I don't have a good reason at all. I have noticed that I am starting to notice stupid little things like we play on a rec league and we were leaving the game the other night and happened to drive separately because I came straight from work so I was walking to my car along side of two guys and a girl from the other team as we were all heading out to the bar after, one of the guys was kinda trying to flirt but the other had noticed that I had a boyfriend on the team so he stopped, my boyfriend ran up behind me to make sure I knew which bar we were going to... the same one we had gone to before and I had my phone in my hand. We have season ticket for one of the sports teams in town and most season ticket holders go to one of 2 bars which are across the street from one another before the game and prefunk, which we do when I am not working. My ex also has season tickets along with a dozen of my other friends some of which I am still in contact with and we have run into that group on occasion, normally my boyfriend is perfectly fine, he has met all of them and knows the history. Lately he has been getting in these awkward start downs with my ex. When I ask him about it he denies anything happening. We went into the bar that a few of them work at last week and when my boyfriend went to the bathroom one of the other guys asked what the deal was, apparently I am not the only one to notice. He also seems to answer "I don't know" or "I don't care" to questions a lot more than he used to, things like what we should have for dinner, what we should do on Saturday, anything. Am I reading too much into all of this? I suppose another possibly pertinent point is that I am in the midst of applying to grad school so I am a little stressed at the moment, I should have all my applications done in another few weeks.
Cracker Jack Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 It sounds to me like you have a whole lot on your plate at the moment. Perhaps you need to tell him that you need more time to yourself. I'm sure he'll understand. Don't end it right now, tho. You said you didn't really have a good reason, so ending the relationship won't help matters one bit.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 The last week or so I have been feeling like maybe he isn't the right guy for me, I don't have a good reason at all. I see a reason in what you post here: He got laid off in March and I work 40-50 hours a week and I have a high pace job where when I get home I want to be able to relax for an hour or so before going and doing something, depending on the day. Ever since he lost his job he has been doing next to nothing all day then wanting to go do everything when I get home. (Side note: we don't live together technically but he spends most nights at my place as I have a cat and a job, he goes to his place during the day while I am at work.) That would bother most people.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 The last week or so I have been feeling like maybe he isn't the right guy for me, I don't have a good reason at all. I have noticed that I am starting to notice stupid little things Ok... so he lost his job and he knows that makes him much less attractive. Unemployment would be the female equivalent of suddenly gaining 100lbs... or losing all your hair or something. So... he feels less attractive... you treat him like he is less attractive... he feels like he is losing you. Bottom line. If you that shallow, you should walk now. If your not, sit him down and have a talk with him. Do things to make him feel that your still interested in him.
Author beachlover Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 It sounds to me like you have a whole lot on your plate at the moment. Perhaps you need to tell him that you need more time to yourself. I'm sure he'll understand. Don't end it right now, tho. You said you didn't really have a good reason, so ending the relationship won't help matters one bit. Yes you are right, I have too much and he has not enough! I have tried to tell him that I need more time, more time for grad school applications and he complains that he is bored all day, I suggest he go ride his bike, run, you name it I've suggested it... he still get's upset, he'll eventually give in but he still complains. After this weekend I'm not going to have that time anymore as I am hoping to click submit by Sunday. I see a reason in what you post here: You have a good point, and there are a few other things I didn't post as well... I'm just getting frustrated and I'm not sure where to go, and when I'm not sure who to go to in real life I come here. Ok... so he lost his job and he knows that makes him much less attractive. Unemployment would be the female equivalent of suddenly gaining 100lbs... or losing all your hair or something. So... he feels less attractive... you treat him like he is less attractive... he feels like he is losing you. Bottom line. If you that shallow, you should walk now. If your not, sit him down and have a talk with him. Do things to make him feel that your still interested in him. I have been trying very hard to do everything I can to not make him feel inadequate or unattractive due to his unemployment. I know he is trying to find a job, and I know that his field is tough, his friend is trying for similar jobs and hasn't has many leads either. I am not that shallow, I am just getting run down feeling like I have to get up go to work for 10 hours, come home entertain him, work on grad school applications and repeat it day after day like I have been for 4 months already.
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