pandagirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 So, I've become somewhat familiar with my boyfriend's temper. It's come out a few times in the 8 months we've been dating. It usually happens when he's already tired and stressed, and something sets him off, and that "something" can occasionally be moi. His temper basically means he yells. He doesn't yell anything verbally abusive, it's more like he is "communicating" really loud. I do not take well to yelling. He grew up in a family of yellers, and I did not at all. I'm much more sensitive than he is. 99% of the time is he very patient and understanding, but on that off 1%, he can go from 1 to 10 really fast. In the end, we always work things out, but I don't know how to resolve the problem itself. We do really well in general with conflict resolution, but I know neither of us can really change our temperaments. Is there a way for us to compromise and learn to *react* differently to each others emotional triggers and outputs?
skydiveaddict Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 He doesn't need to be such a hothead around you . Just tell him to cool off. This shouldn't be your problem
bobdole Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Things of this nature are usually "built into" the personality. I don't think it's likely to change.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 My suggestion to you is that everyone has their faults. As long as he's not going to hit you and only does it 1% of the time, then you should just look past it and leave him alone during those times so that he can cool off without doing something stupid to you.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Things of this nature are usually "built into" the personality. I don't think it's likely to change. I agree. And if it's only the 1% of the time you are worried about, you guys are doing pretty well. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
spookie Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Is it a deal-breaker for you? I agree that this kind of thing usually doesn't change. My concern (and I may be totally off-base here) is that you're fighting so early on in the R. From my experience, the first year or so is the honeymoon, wherein your SO can do wrong in your eyes. Are your fights a symptom of bigger problems?
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Is it a deal-breaker for you? I agree that this kind of thing usually doesn't change. My concern (and I may be totally off-base here) is that you're fighting so early on in the R. From my experience, the first year or so is the honeymoon, wherein your SO can do wrong in your eyes. Are your fights a symptom of bigger problems? It really depends on the relationship. The boyfriend I am with now (who I have been dating for five years) our first 3 months together was fighting every day. We fight less and less as the years pass.
Author pandagirl Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Yeah, I agree he's not going to change, just as I'm not going to stop being a sensitive, crying sap. I've seen his get really angry three times. Once when he lost something really important, and the other two times it was because of "me." He never gets mean or says anything nasty, it's that he starts yelling and starts to lose control over his emotion. It's like he gets really frustrated with me and starts yelling. The time he lost something, I handled it really well. It didn't really bother me. But when it's directed at me, I tend to lose it.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 So, I've become somewhat familiar with my boyfriend's temper. It's come out a few times in the 8 months we've been dating. It usually happens when he's already tired and stressed, and something sets him off, and that "something" can occasionally be moi. His temper basically means he yells. He doesn't yell anything verbally abusive, it's more like he is "communicating" really loud. I do not take well to yelling. He grew up in a family of yellers, and I did not at all. I'm much more sensitive than he is. 99% of the time is he very patient and understanding, but on that off 1%, he can go from 1 to 10 really fast. In the end, we always work things out, but I don't know how to resolve the problem itself. We do really well in general with conflict resolution, but I know neither of us can really change our temperaments. Is there a way for us to compromise and learn to *react* differently to each others emotional triggers and outputs? Actually, now there is a way to change temperaments. It has been a rather quiet revolution among many other revolutions and not everyone has been educated as to what it is and how it differs from the past. It's called the SSRI revolution. Time was when people got agitated they had a drink or took a Valium. In 1989, Prozac led a new class of meds that actually acted on the cause instead of blanket medicating the symptoms. I used to be volatile and loud but since I took responsibility and went to a doctor and got on Prozac, I can look back an see a big change in my temperament. I make decisions faster, my head is clearer and I get over things quicker. Just sayin'--medicine has caught up to the cause and is no longer a feel-good pill pusher. But it takes a man to admit he's the problem or a big part of it.
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